And I would ask 500 more
It’s indescribably beautiful that the No camp’s much-trailed “500 questions” PDF about independence actually features 507. At least they’re getting their arithmetic wrong downwards for a change. When all those are answered they promise hundreds and hundreds more, so we thought we’d give them a head start on Volume 2.
508. What’s that coming over the hill in an independent Scotland? Is it a monster?
509. War! HURGH! What will it be good for in an independent Scotland?
510. Who’ll put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp in an independent Scotland?
511. Who’ll put the ram in the ramalamadingdong in an independent Scotland?
512. How much is that doggy in the window in an independent Scotland? (Not the one with the waggly tail, the other one. We won’t be able to afford ones with waggly tails, and nobody knows what currency we’d be paying with.)
513. What time is love in an independent Scotland?
514. Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near in an independent Scotland?
515. When, will I, will I be famous in an independent Scotland?
516. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, IF a woodchuck could chuck wood in an independent Scotland?
517. Why does it always rain on me in an independent Scotland?
518. Is this the way they say the future’s meant to feel, or just 20,000 people standing in a field in an independent Scotland?
519. If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me in an independent Scotland?
520. Who let the dogs out in an independent Scotland? Who? Who?
521. What’s inside a girl in an independent Scotland?
522. If a picture paints a thousand words, why can’t I paint you in an independent Scotland?
523. What’s the frequency in an independent Scotland, Kenneth? (Presumably “of death threats from evil cybernats to your lovely daughter”.)
524. I would do anything for love in an independent Scotland, but I won’t do what?
525. Kelly, can you handle this? Michelle, can you handle this? Beyonce, can you handle this? I don’t think they can handle this in an independent Scotland.
526. What if God was one of us in an independent Scotland?
527. What would you do if you saw spaceships over Glasgow in an independent Scotland?
528. Is she really going out with him in an independent Scotland?
529. What difference does it make in an independent Scotland?
530. Did you fall off a building and land on your head, or did a truck in an independent Scotland run over your face instead?
531. WHAT’S she gonna look like with a chimney on her in an independent Scotland?
532. What’s so funny ’bout peace, love and understanding in an independent Scotland?
533. Do you take me for such a fool to think I’d make contact with the one who tries to hide what he don’t know to begin with in an independent Scotland?
534. Dancing at the disco, bumper to bumper – in an independent Scotland, where’s me jumper?
535. Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with in an independent Scotland?
536. All my people, right here, right now – d’you know what I mean in an independent Scotland?
537. You know I hate to ask, but are ‘friends’ electric in an independent Scotland?
538. Why don’t we do it in the road in an independent Scotland?
539. Where do we go from here? Is it down to the lake in an independent Scotland, I fear?
540. What costume shall the poor girl wear to all tomorrow’s parties in an independent Scotland?
541. What was it to you that a man laid down his life for your love? Were those clear eyes of yours ever filled with the pain of tears of grief? Did you ever give yourself to one man in this whole world? Or did you love me, and will you find your way back one day to Xanadu, in an independent Scotland?
542. Have you seen your mother, baby, standing in the shadow in an independent Scotland?
543. How do we solve a problem like Maria in an independent Scotland?
544. Grocer Jack, Grocer Jack, is it true what Mummy said – you won’t come back in an independent Scotland?
545. Did you think I would leave you crying, when there’s room on my horse for two in an independent Scotland?
546. Thurston! Watt! Thurston! I think it’s ten thirty, we’re calling from Providence, Rhode Island. Did you find your shit in an independent Scotland?
547. What’s new in an independent Scotland, pussycat?
548. Who’s the black private dick that’s a sex-machine to all the chicks in an independent Scotland?
549. Baby, where did our love go in an independent Scotland?
550. Jeepers creepers, where’d you get those peepers in an independent Scotland?
551. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi in an independent Scotland, ce soir?
552. Do you plan to let me go for some other guy you knew before in an independent Scotland?
553. Whose bed have your boots been under? And whose heart did you steal, I wonder? This time did it feel like thunder in an independent Scotland, baby?
554. What if this party fears two in an independent Scotland?
555. Are we men, or are we Devo?
Join in any time!
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but will chains and whips still excite me in an independent Scotland?
The only half-decent one I put on Twitter!
How many roads must a man walk down in an independent Scotland?
Before he admits he’s lost anyway.
Formatting, people!
558. On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses in an independent Scotland?
(Thanks to @ThadrinBB)
Twist and shake in an Independent Scotland?
Are you lonesome tonight in an independent Scotland?
559. Will February make me shiver in an independent Scotland?
A sense of purpose (a real sense of purpose ) in an Independent Scotland?
Will there be a long and winding road in an independent Scotland?
Why oh Why oh Why oh Why oh – will that still spell yoyoyoyo in an independent Scotland?
Have you seen this dog in an independent Scotland?
(Important one for me) Will Klingons still have to be off the starboard bow in an independent Scotland?
Will Captain Britain still protect an independent Scotland or will the fact barely anyone knows who he is still mean he’s completely useless?
Will “Nanomachines, Son!” be an acceptable answer for everything in an independent Scotland?
Will an independent Scotland force the rUK to replace trident with Metal Gear?
METAL GEAR?!
Snake?
Snake?!
SNAAAAAAKE!
Who was phone in an independent Scotland?
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like in an independent Scotland?
Will we still be subjects of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air in an independent Scotland?
Where on earth is Carmen Sandiego in an independent Scotland?
Where’s Wally in an independent Scotland?
555. Are we men, or are we Devo?
560. Who wants want to live forever in an independent Scotland?
“555. Are we men, or are we Devo?
:-)”
Was quite proud of that one. Would make a good poster on September 17th. Apart from the terrible misogyny, obviously.
561. “…you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky in an independent Scotland? Well do ya, punk?”
(HT: Peter A Bell.)
Do I predict a riot in an Independent Scotland?
Hahahaha!! I thought I was reading a BBC Scotlandshire effort there for a moment! Love it Rev!
Will my chewing gum lose its flavour on the bedpost in an independent Scotland?
562. Is this the final countdown to an independent Scotland?
563. Will the stars fall down from the sky. Every time you walk by in an Independent Scotland
Will things be Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep in an Independent Scotland?
Will Ziggy still be playing guitar with Weird and Gilly in an independent Scotland?
Will the coloured girls still go, ‘doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo’ in an independent Scotland?
Will the Valley Girls still be ‘ok, fine, for sure, for sure, in an independent Scotland?
will we be looking through Gary Gilmour’s eyes in an independent Scotland?
564. When there’s something weird, in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call in an independant Scotland?
Will there be March Winds and April Showers in an Independent Scotland?
Well I’ve read a good amount of the literature available and considered myself a fairly solid Yes voter. However, I’ve just got to question number 160:-
“What will be Air Passenger Duty /taxation regime for private planes?”
You’ve won me over Better Together, how can I deal with this level of uncertainty…
I can’t see it, but I cant believe it’s not here yet ….
Damn. it is. (thinking cap on … )
“I can’t see it, but I cant believe it’s not here yet ….
“Why do birds, suddenly appear, every time you are … in an independent Scotland?””
514.
Gin a body meet a body, comin through the rye, gin a body greet a body, need a body cry [in an independent Scotland]?
When you’re alone and life is making you lonely will you still be able to go Downtown in an independent Scotland?
“Will my chewing gum lose its flavour on the bedpost in an independent Scotland?”
Pinched that for a tweet
Salmondchanted evening..in an independent Scotland ?
#500questions trending in UK!
link to twitter.com
Are we human, or are we dancer … in an independent Scotland?
(hah!)
565. If a tree falls in the forest in an independent Scotland, does anyone hear it?
Will ye no come back again? [in an independent Scotland]
Are we not men? we are devo! I think is the correct quotation…….great list!
Doctor Who? in an independent Scotland.
(v. poor)
Will we be allowed to drive on the left and use vowels in an ndpndnt Scotland ?
566. If I went back in time and killed my grandfather in an independent Scotland, would I still exist?
At first I was afraid
I was petrified
kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
and I grew strong
and I learned how to get along in an independent Scotland.
What colour will the traffic lights be in an independent Scotland?
567. link to twitpic.com
Mah Nà Mah Nà Do doo be-do-do, Mah Nà Mah Nà Do do-do do, Mah Nà Mah Nà Do doo be-do-do be-do-do be-do-do be-do-do-doodle Do do do-doo do, in an independent Scotland?
Will it still be easy when we yahbahdahbahdoo in an independent Scotland?
Hi Rev, was meandering through the Belfast News and came across a link to a’ future for Catalans outside of Spain’ which then linked through to the Wilson Initiative. Really interesting on Catalonias economic outlook (by experts ) and also the role of the media BUT I do not know how to embed/link the articles ?
Will computing for eejits still be free in an Independent Scotland ?
“BUT I do not know how to embed/link the articles”
Just copy the URL with Ctrl-C and paste it into your comment with Ctrl-V.
Will we have better weather if we have our own Met Office in Scotland ?
How long will a piece of string be in an independent Scotland?
Will we be dismissed as “cybernats” for simply voicing an opinion, in an independent Scotland?
(no.)
Will my toast land butter-side up in an independent Scotland? Why doesn’t Salmond come clean on this important issue?
An Auld Alliance contribution to #500questions
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p>Voulez-vous coucher avec moi dans une Ecosse independent, ce soir? <a href=”https://twitter.com/search/%23500questions”>#500questions</a></p>— Andrew Haddow (@andrew_haddow) <a href=”https://twitter.com/andrew_haddow/status/331525440126730242″>May 6, 2013</a></blockquote>
<script async src=”//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js” charset=”utf-8″></script>
Can we still use GMT in an independent Scotland ?
I don’t want to change the world I’m just looking for new England in an independent Scotland?
572. Tell me why I don’t like Mondays in an independent Scotland
Will we be able to make the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs in an Independent Scotland
Should Scotland be an independent country in an independent Scotland?
An Auld Alliance contribution to #500questions taken from twitter:
“Voulez-vous coucher avec moi dans une Ecosse independent, ce soir?”
***************
* Rev., apologies for the previous garbled-link of mine just above.
Will every day still be caturday in an independent Scotland?
569. What do you want from life (The Tubes) in an independent Scotland?
Will every picture tell a story in an independent Scotland?
570. Have we any wool in an Independent Scotland?
Will we only get a per-capita share of the UK air in an independent Scotland?
Damn..too slow !!
571. Should I stay or should I go in an independent Scotland? (stay!)
Will gravity be taken seriously in an independent Scotland or is it running out ?
Can I still get Sky Atlantic in an independent Scotland!?
Should I stay in an independent Scotland or should I go?
What direction will water go down the plughole in an independent Scotland?
Oh ye canny shuv yer Grannie aff a bus in an independent Scotland?
What’s the name of the game in an independent Scotland?
What do you get when you fall in love in an independent Scotland?
Will the TARDIS still travel in time and space in an independent Scotland?
Will the cool wind blow in Ian Taylor’s hair as he hands a brown envelope to Alistair Darling on a dark, desert highway in an independent Scotland?
I am worried for Schrodinger’s cat if Scotland is independent – will he be in the box or not?
Will skid marks still be out of 10 in an independant Scotland ?
Will you Take me to the dance and hold me tight
I want to see the bright lights tonight
In an Independent Scotland.
Will l have sunshine on a cloudy day in an independent Scotland.
The Tay will teem with frogs in an Independent Scotland. They will come up into your palace and your bedroom and onto your bed, into the houses of your officials and on your people, and into your ovens and kneading troughs.
ribit
ribit
ribit
and will the fridge light stay on when we close the door in an Independent Scotland (no, because of the Darkness obviously)
What’s the time in an independent Scotland, Mr Wolf?
We we still be able to send England food parcels from an independent Scotland ?
Will gravity still work in an independent Scotlad
Will I still be too sexy for this shirt in an independent Scotland?
It (500 questions) talks about the Post Office as though it delivers some sort of amazing service….I beg to differ! Hey, may be we will get a guarantee of two deliveries a day (you know like we used to).
I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me in an independent Scotland?
Will we see clearly when the rain is gone, in an Independent Scotland?
OH YES
albeit the bastard midgies may still obscure the view
Will it still be called the Higgs Boson in an Independent Scotland?
What if I say I’m not like the others? What if I say I’m not just another one of your plays in an independent Scotland?
Will Pythagoras’ Theorem still hold in an Independent Scotland?
we’re on a road to nowhere, without an independent Scotland…
will it be raining men? in an independent Scotland?
Will we Tie a yellow ribbon round an old oak tree in an independent Scotland ?
Tommy, can you hear me in an independent Scotland?
Will three positive integers a, b, and c satisfy the equation an + bn = cn for any integer value of n greater than two in a seperate Scotland?
will my g-spot still be up my arse in an independent scotland?
Does hope still die last in an Independent Scotland?
Will tomorrow ever arrive in an independent Scotland
what is the sound of one hand clapping in an independent Scotland?
You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when I met you in an independent Scotland.
Where will bears shit in an independent Scotland?
And, as #500questions trends everywhere to universal ridicule on Twitter, DH tweets that the ‘important thing was to get it trending’. There are positive trends….and there are disasters. Most people can tell the difference.
Will a bird in the hand be better than two in the bush in an independent Scotland?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot in an independent Scotland?
Is this love, is this love, is this love, is this love that I’m feeling in an independent Scotland?
Will you still look good on the dance floor in an independent Scotland?
“Woke up this morning” in an independant Scotland
Will tribute band Jockny Rebel be allowed to gig in an independent England ?
No no, no no nono,no no nono limits for an independent Scotland. More of a statement than a question. Can you pump up the jam tomorrow in a scotland duped into passing by the chance of a lifetime?
Will l wait 40 mins for a bus then two will come along in an independent Scotland ?
What would you do if I sang out of tune,
would you stand up and walk out on me in an independent Scotland?
Say”Goodbye” with a little help from my friends in an independent Scotland.
There`s no lights on the Christmas tree mama, they’re burning big Louie tonight. In an independent Scotland
How many beans will make five in an independent Scotland?
Is it true the sun ain’t gonna shine anymore in an independent Scotland?
Will we serve strangers in blue suede shoes in an Independent Scotland?
Will I still be pretty fly for a white guy in an independent Scotland?
Jonathan Swift (1738) – “A fool can ask more questions than the wisest can answer.” True or false?
Will ‘Wee Willy Winky’ still run through the toon, upstairs doonstairs in his nightgoon,
In an Independent Scotland.
These are not the droids you are looking for in a seperate Scotland?
Will Mackies ice cream still be made in Britain in an independent Scotland ?
Will I be staring at your window with a suitcase in my hand in an Independent Scotland?
Will CYBERNAT still mean “Countering Your British Establishments Relentless Negativity and Tripe” in an Independent Scotland? #500questions
Tomorrow belongs to me. In an independent Scotland
Will I be able to get you out of my head in an independent Scotland?
What will be the cost of a shot on the dodgems in an independent Scotland..Salmond needs to come clean !
Is it live or is it Memorex in an independent Scotland?
Will north sea gas smell saltier in an independent Scotland ?
I’ve heard that in an independent Scotland, not only will there be no mice, buzzards or toasters, but all pop songs will have to be re-written to replace any foreign place names with Scottish ones. Does this mean it’ll now go ‘Hot Dog, Jumping Frog, Auchtermuchty?’ just after they play ‘Do You Know The Way To Auchenblae?’ What is the SNP’s plan to deal with this?
Still – at least that Abba song won’t need to change. So that’s something.
Will Frightened Rabbit feel safe in an Independent Scotland?
Will Ian Smart ever learn to sing the world is black, the world is white in an independent Scotland?
How much will that doggy in the window be in an independent Scotland?
Where have all the flowers gone in an independent Scotland?
Will Frankie Goes to Holyrood in an independent Scotland ?
Will it still be Breakin’ Up Is Hard To Do in an Independent Scotland
Give peace a chance. In an Independent Scotland
Power to the people. In an Independent Scotland
Whatever gets you through the night. In an independent Scotland
Stand by me. In an independent Scotland
Just like starting over. In an independent Scotland
I’m losing you. In an independent Scotland
Watching the wheels go round. In an independent Scotland
John Lennon was an indie. Who knew?
Will it might as well rain until September because we have so many MacLeods in an independent Scotland ?
Imagine All The Freedom in an Independant Scotland.
To see a future grandchild in an independent Scotland…Imagine
if you go will you send back a letter from America to an independent Scotland?
Will a Scotsman an Englishman and an Irishman still be able to walk into a bar in an Independent Scotland.
Will this beat your previous most-commented blog post Stu … (in an independent Scotland)
Will Cowdenbeath win European City of Culture 2018 in an independent Scotland?
Will I be Queen of New Orleans in an Independent Scotland?
What will the price of mince be in an independent Scotland ?
Who crying now in an independent Scotland?
Will border collies need passports in an independent Scotland ?
Who says Scots don’t have a sense of humor… I’ve been howling reading through all this. 500 questions is an amazing gift from the no campaign. Please say you are going to post answer and mock one question a day till the referendum!
Will Susan Calman still be crying over you in an independent Scotland?
Will the sand people still ride in single file to hide their numbers in a seperate Scotland?
Will she be born with it in an independent Scotland or will it be Maybelline?
Baby it’s cold outside in an Independent Scotland…isn’t it?
Will it still take 24hrs to Tulsa in an Independent Scotland?
Will MP3 players have to be converted to MSP3 players in an independent Scotland ?
Will these voices in my head still have a scottish accent in an Independent Scotland.
link to youtube.com
Will I ever get used to not living next door to Alice in an independent Scotland (for example if I was in Coldstream and she was in Cornhill on Tweed)?
Will English mustard cut it in an independent Scotland ?
Will GMS be linked to a cartoon channel in an independent Scotland?
my absolute favourite was Chris Stephens “Would you like me to be the cat?” totally pmsl at that one
Can you still Voulez Vous in an Independent Scotland.
Will Glen Campbell be a malt whisky in an independent Scotland ?
Which direction will Swallows fly come the winter, in an Independent Scotland?
Will Santa still come down the chimney in an Independent Scotland?
Will MP3 players have to be converted to MSP3 players in an independent Scotland ?
Bwahahahaha!
Kendomacaroonbar says:
6 May, 2013 at 11:49 pm
Will Glen Campbell be a malt whisky in an independent Scotland ?
Scrag End at best or Tripe.
if i were a Carpenter,and you were a lady,would you marry me anyway in an independent Scotland
Way down deep in dependant Embro
The Tories joined the LibLabs and formed a moneyfesto
Emboldened like new lovers, they danced a dainty tango.
But poll dancing now forced them to call it Um…..Devo
One that gets banned from an independent Scotland
You wont get me i’m part of the union
The big ship sails, through the alley, alley oh. the alley, alley oh, the alley, alley oh. The big ship sails, on the alley, alley oh. On the last day of September in a seperate Scotland?
Will Johann Lamont be available for comment in an independent Scotland?
Supercalifragile dipstick expi KY jelly in an independent Scotland? (Sorry)
Hey Mr Spaceman, will you please take me along for a ride in an independent Scotland?
Guys, I know I’m not very good at this, but half of these aren’t questions, they’re just statements you’ve tacked a question on to.
Does haughty Gaul still invasion threat to an independent Scotland?
Will Plank’s Uncertainty Principle become even more uncertain in an Independent Scotland?
What will the union flag look like if Scotland becomes independent?
Will there be enough telephone numbers left in an indpendent Scotland ?
A cat, a flask of poison, and a radioactive source are placed in a sealed box. If an internal monitor detects radioactivity (i.e. a single atom decaying), the flask is shattered, releasing the poison that kills the cat. After how long can the cat be thought to be both simultaneously alive and dead in a seperate Scotland?
Will Ian Smart still be waiting for an alibi in an independent Scotland?
Will we have to reinvent the wheel in an independent Scotland?
When will i, will i be famous in an independent Scotland
Will it still be ok to use a bucket n spade to make sandcastles in an Independent Scotland
Will there still be colours in an independent Scotland or will everything go back to black and white like during WWII?
Will the Edinburgh Fringe have to be coiffured to a more manageable ‘shed’ in an independent Scotland ?
Will the Northern Lights still shine on an Independent Scotland?
Will the residents of Dallas have to relocate to Dallas?
Will Charlotte need planning permission for her web in an independent scotland
Will my bum look big in an independent Scotland?
Will my shoe size become smaller in an independent Scotland ?
Kendomacaroonbar says:
7 May, 2013 at 12:14 am
Will my shoe size become smaller in an independent Scotland ?
Your shoes will be the least of your worries!
In an independent Scotland, Doctor Who?
CH
you’ve met my wife I guess >
Will Donald still be teased about his lack of troosers in an Independent Scotland?
How independent will we be in an independent Scotland if we still speak English?
Cosi fan Tutte in an independent Scotland?
Will Jackie Baillie ever tell the truth in an independent Scotland?
Will cats still meow and dogs bow wow in an Independent Scotland?
Will we see a return of white dog poo in an independent Scotland ?
Will Lake of Menteith be renamed Lake of Personteith in an independent Scotland?
Thanks Rev Stu and everybody, tonight has been good
Can you tell me where my country lies… an independent Scotland?
…selling England by the pound.
Will Charlie Be My Darling in an Independent Scotland?
Will Alastair Still be their Darling in a rUK?
Will we be Lonesome Tongiht in an independent Scotland?
Haven’t read all the comments so apologies if someone has already asked this one: will 42 still be the ultimate answer to the ultimate question of life, the Universe, and everything in an independent Scotland?
last un from me,,,,
Will the labour party ever become Scottish in an independent Scotland ?
Can we still ask for a full English breakfast in an Independent Scotland?
Will Wullie Rennie still be as welcome as a hole in a lifeboat in an independent scotland
If it takes a man a week to walk a fortnight in an independent Scotland, how many apples will there be in a barrel of grapes (Scottish ones) ?
Will one legged men still be allowed to compete in arse kicking competitions in an independent Scotland?
Will Jock please stop tickling Elaine Murray at FMQs when Scotland becomes independent?
Will our water still be soft in an Independent Scotland?
Will we be informed before boarding buses & trains that “Your papers are NOT in order!” in an independent Scotland?
If I said I thought Susan Calman had a very strong animus, would you hold it against me?
Will motorcycles have to be fitted with ashtrays in an independent Scotland?
Will we still be allowed to have middle names, if we can afford them, in an independent Scotland?
Why? why? why? De Liars? (apologies to Tom Jones)
Hello, is it Free your lookin for? (apologies to Lionel Ritchie)
Will U’s Still Love Me Tomorrow? (apologies to Carol King)
Finally, to switch from questions to answers, whether Scotland votes Yes or Scotland votes No, the answer when pro-independistas are asked about its status post referendum will be the SAME, albeit for diametrically opposed reasons i.e. “We told you so.”
Will my socks still work in an independent Scotland?
666. Will the southbound carriageway of the M6 at Carlisle be nicknamed “Highway to Hell” in an independent Scotland.
You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack You may find yourself in another part of the world You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile You may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here? (in an independent Scotland)
Do you know the way to San Jose from an independent Scotland?
Kendomacaroonbar says:
7 May, 2013 at 12:18 am
CH
you’ve met my wife I guess >
:;):
Will everybody be homeless and unemployed in an independent Scotland?
Will Lorne sausage have to be triangular in an Independent Scotland?
What are dark matter and dark energy? I’ve asked the SNP this numerous times and they cannot provide an answer.
888. Will Jackie Bailie stop munching through 11,000 calories a day in an independent Scotland?
(That’s the same number as the one she made up when she described how many jobs would be lost at Faslane/Coulport.)
Will the sky still be blue in an independent Scotland?
Cath – we had enough problems with Gray matter until it disappeared into a sandwich franchise.
Will.i.am in an independent Scotland?
Oops, I’ve tweeted so many that I’ve reached my daily Twitter limit…
Will Michael McMahon join the Orange Order in an independent Scotland?
In L’Oreal adverts will they still say “because I’m worth it”? in an independent Scotland
Will I have to live in a mud hut and forage for nuts and berries in an independent Scotland?
69. Who’s ya daddy ….. in an independent Scotland?
Will things still go bump in the night in an independent Scotland ?
Will I still have much in common with my long haired lover from Liverpool in an independent Scotland?
747. Strangers in the night. More or less likely that the groundlights will fail in an independent Scotland?
999. Will there still be murrdurrs in an independent Scotland?
101. What’s the worst thing in the world in an independent Scotland?
AmadeusMinkowski says:
7 May, 2013 at 12:00 am
Will Plank’s Uncertainty Principle become even more uncertain in an Independent Scotland?
It’ll still be Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle!
Momma, just killed a man in an independent Scotland.
999. When attempting to cross the English border at Carlisle, will we be refused entry by UK Border Agency staff dressed like the Gestapo, inexplicably announcing “Nein ! Nein! Nein!”, post independent Scotland?
midges !!!!!
If a plane crashes on the border between England and a seperate Scotland, where will they bury the survivors?
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood in an independence Scotland?
And, related to wood:
Will lumberjacks still be okay and be able to work all day and sleep all night in an independent Scotland?
Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or fifty duck-sized horses in an independent Scotland?
750. In an independent Scotland, will Dunkirk spirit be readily available duty free in 750cl bottles?
Will I have to slap my thigh with a wet Arbroath Smokie in an Independent Scotland?
Will only fools rush in to an independent Scotland?
Will Jock stop his tickling, a-tickle-ickle-ickling in an independent Scotland?
Will Maggie wake up if think I have something to say to her in an independent Scotland?
If I’m in a band and it starts playing different tunes, will you see me on the dark side of the moon in an independent Scotland?
Will there be a hi, ho, silver lining, everywhere I go in an independent Scotland?
Will Ruth Davidson in the name of love, stop asking her interminable questions at FMQs in an independent Scotland?
Will Ed Miliband dig a pony in an independent Scotland?
246. Will the M8 have to be renamed the M1 in an independent Scotland?
(THAT’S DAMN CLEVER.)
Are we there yet?
If George Osborne speaks in a forest with no-one around to hear it, is he still wrong?
The road is long with many a winding turn in an Independent Scotland
Lobey: damn. Beat me to it.
It’s a long long road, from which there is no return
While we’re on the way to there, why not share in an independent Scotland?
Will there still be Pot Noodles in an independent Scotland?
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like in an independent Scotland?
Will we still be able to contribute to random periodic bombings of Middle-Eastern states in an independent Scotland?
Will our national media still be largely controlled by one megalomaniacal Australian in an independent Scotland?
Will our beloved television and radio icons of the 1970s turn out to have been compulsive sexual predators with a truly depressing, yet astonishing regularity in an independent Scotland?
Well, we’re going for 500, right?
will there be more pandas than conservative AND Liberal MSPs in an independent Scotland?
Will symbiotic relationships be allowed in an Independent Scotland?
Will dust still gather in the same places in an independent Scotland?
Thanks Rev Stu. This has been fun, never posted here before as I fear I’m not as articulate as some nor as witty as others. I enjoy this site so much and I’d recommend it to anyone interested in the debate. Anyhoo, night night all, its been a pleasure.
Can we still have an independent Scotland in an independent Scotland?
Will you be walking on broken glass in an independent Scotland?
Will you be able to hide your lyin’ eyes in an independent Scotland?
If you look for a job and then you find a job, will heaven know you’re miserable then in an independent Scotland?
Will they know it’s Christmas time at all in an independent Scotland?
Who’s going to pay attention to your dreams, plug their ears when you scream and then drive you home tonight in an independent Scotland?
would i still be considered left handed in an independent Scotland?
246. Will the M8 have to be renamed the M1 in an independent Scotland?
Will Elizabeth II have to be renamed Elizabeth I in an independent Scotland?
Let’s get a Metal Injection into proceedings:
Would you still bring your daughter to the slaughter in an independent Scotland?
Revolution in their minds, will the children start to march against the world in which they have to live and all the hate that’s in their hearts in an Independent Scotland?
Will electric eyes take a pride in probing all our secret moves, and will their tearless retinas takes pictures that can prove, in an independent Scotland?
Will 6, 6 6, be the Number Of The Beast in an independent Scotland?
Will the only card you need in an independent Scotland be the Ace of Spades?
In an independent Scotland, can you hear the banshee scream?
Will light still be required to exit and night to enter upon the Sandman’s coming in an independent Scotland?
Will the Metal Inquisition sentence you to death by guillotine in an independent Scotland?
In the event of heavy metal or no metal at all, will the wimps and posers in an independent Scotland leave the hall?
637 (a). I can keep a secret; it’s the people I tell who can’t. What secrets then would be revealed in an independent Scotland?
637 (b). Is it possible that Nicholas Witchell would not become any more ginger in an independent Scotland?
637 (c). Is it remotely possible in an independent Scotland, to spent a few seconds glancing at an old B&W picture of Diana Dors and not just see a big pair of tits?
Will the Haggis breeding season change in an indpendent Scotland?
@Holebender
Thanks. Plank’s constant appears in Heisenberg’s Principle.
Will Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle become even more Uncertain in an Independent Scotland?
The Tomahawk Kid, do you know what he did, in an Independent Scotland?
Even scans to the music, nice…
Viz-a-viz #500questions,
Is the Scotsman’s Newspaper joining in with
“Independence: Exlplain effect on Lottery, say Tories“?
Truly, the Scotsman is fast becoming its own parody.
I knew we had to say goodbye…
When I felt that warmth against my thigh…
HEY! Is that you pissing on my leg, in an independent Scotland…
Will we still be dreaming of a White Christmas in an independent Scotland?
Will there be Congratulations and Celebrations in an independent Scotland?
When Scotland becomes independent could you just give me the moonlight, give me a Spacehopper, and leave the rest to me?
666. In an independent Scotland will we see the return of the de’il and the excise man?
In an independent Scotland will Izzy Fraser get top billing on reading the national news?
Will a good brisk sit still be the preferred form of exercise in an independent Scotland?
Will there still be a moose, loose, aboot this hoose, in an independent Scotland?
All your base are belong to us. How will this impact defence policy in an independent Scotland?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain coming down on a sunny day, in an independent Scotland?
Do I look bovvered in an independent Scotland? Well do I?
“MajorBloodnok says:
6 May, 2013 at 10:57 pm
What direction will water go down the plughole in an independent Scotland?”
same way as now, as Osborne wont let us have counter clockwise in an independent Scotland
Will we still have a leap year in an independent scotland.
marcia says
“Will there be March Winds and April Showers in an Independent Scotland?”
no cos the bitter brigade will switch them round,
in the interests of fairness you understand?
I would keep this one going stu, I can see this going viral,
in an independent Scotland you understand ?
“Lobeydosser says:
7 May, 2013 at 2:17 am
Thanks Rev Stu. This has been fun, never posted here before as I fear I’m not as articulate as some nor as witty as others. I enjoy this site so much and I’d recommend it to anyone interested in the debate. Anyhoo, night night all, its been a pleasure.”
dont let shyness stop you loabydosser
everyone here’ll agree I’m as bright as a blackout but noone says so
stick around stranger your mighty welcome
everybodies opinion is valid whether we can put it down on paper well or not
in an independent Scotland
Can I hit myself in the fanny with a kipper and call myself one of the big girls, in an independent Scotland.
Will Iain Grey ever pay for that “subway sandwich”, in an independent Scotland.
Thank you all for the best laugh I have had in ages, in a soon to be independent Scotland.
It’s not a question, but Gordon is a Moron in an independent Scotland
What is the weather going to be on 18 March, 2020, in an independent Scotland? The people demand to know.
“Jiggsbro says:
7 May, 2013 at 1:09 am
Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or fifty duck-sized horses in an independent Scotland?”
I don’t know but I would really like to know if whatever your on will be on prescription free in an independent Scotland?
Will my coat still fit me im an Independent Scotland?
Don’t blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the moonlight, don’t blame it on the good times, blame it on an independent Scotland.
What will New Scotland Yard be called in England?
Will Ms Calman be funny in an independent Scotland
Good work everybody, been a good way to start the day, catching up on all this. Has the Better Together campaign jumped the shark? I can’t possibly see how they can be more ridiculed.
Something that’s been bugging me all night though, but been scared to ask because it’s so serious a question…what colour will Blu-Tack be in an independent Scotland? WE NEED DETAILS.
Can ye show me the road an the miles tae Dundee in an independent Scotland?
Will there still be a Greigs in an independent Scotland. (that ones for a certain Ms Baillie).
Will a pun o mince still weigh the same in an independent Scotland?
O/T I see the Hootsman running a pension story . Reading between the lines it looks like Westminster Agency (GAD) gave the SG dodgy figures
Will I still get fluf in my bellybutton….in an independent Scotland?
Salmond needs to tell us before the vote!!!!!
“Will I ever get used to not living next door to Alice in an independent Scotland (for example if I was in Coldstream and she was in Cornhill on Tweed)?”
Alice? Alice? who the f**k is Alice?
in an independent Scotland
If I take the High Road and you take the Low Road will I still be in Scotland afore ye in an independent Scotland?
My Garmin will have to be updated.
You have created a Monster, Rev, and the National Collective is on the case too!
But will Blair McDougall be employable as a campaign director in an independent Scotland?
Will they laws of gravity still apply to an independent Scotland as under a FOI, it appears that the Scottish Gov have failed to consult with the almighty.
What will Sally Magnusson and Margaret Curran do in an independent Scotland?
Are ye dancin or just the way your standin in an independent Scotland?
Will pygmy goats fly in an independant Scotland singing, “the dish ran away with the spoon”?
Will every journey still start with the first short step in an independent Scotland?
Will ‘are we there yet’ still be the most asked question in an independent Scotland?
and
Will the last mile still be the longest in an independent Scotland?
Will rivers still flow in an independent Scotland .
Will salmon still swim upstream in an independent Scotland
will we have still have scotch mist in an independent scotland
and most importantly ‘ Will I still be able to visit the in laws up in Perth in an independent Scotland .
Will Ukip still describe the Scots as subsidy Junkies, winging like trampled bagpipes,
In an independent Scotland ?
link to munguinsrepublic.blogspot.co.uk
Will that be Shaken not Stirred in an independent Scotland?
Will Rev Stu get a day off in an independent Scotland?
Will my dog still chase the cat in an independent Scotland?
Anyone keeping count of the questions? It strikes me that coming up with 500 stupid questions is harder work than it looks at first. Give those “hard working” BT people some credit!
Who’s afraid of an independent Scotland?
@ bunter..
Will they laws of gravity still apply to an independent Scotland as under a FOI, it appears that the Scottish Gov have failed to consult with the almighty.
No they haven’t, the Scottish Government have taken legal advice from Jesus who advises that the Scotland will have it’s fair share of gravity… as long as we are willing to pay a reasonable price to London……
In an independent Scotland.
Are we going on
A Magical Mystery Tour
into an Indpendent Scotland
Anything after 1980 is crap
Will Frosties still be GREEEAAAT in an independent Scotland?
Will the Cheetah still be the fastest land mammal in an independent Scotland?
Will John Lewis customers still never knowingly be undersold in an independent Scotland?
Well, youse all might laugh, but ah’m for one worrit aboot this Air Passenger Duty on private jets, how is this gonnae affect us all?
There’s big serious questions in there, ye ken…
ps Is no.6 no the same as no.13? Perhaps someone could explain the difference, cos ah’m too wee, poor, and stupit tae see it masel’.
6. If negotiations on EU membership made clear that an independent Scotland would be required to join the European currency would the Scottish Government agree to those terms or forego membership of the EU?
13. If a commitment to eventual Euro membership was a condition of EU membership, would the Scottish Government sign such a treaty?
One of my favourites on Twitter,
” I have heard that cats will only have eight lives in an Independent Scotland, is this true?
Cat lovers need to know !
In an independent Scotland.
I think the merriment and lack of dignity displayed by these comments is shocking. With what is a serious subject I would like to inject some gravitas back into this by posing three extremely important questions.
1. Will A Darling still qualify for a peerage in an Independent Scotland?
2. Will D Alexander (red Tory variety) still be allowed to strut the world’s stage like the towering statesman that he thinks he is, in an Independent Scotland?
3. Will both of the above be provided with a suitable new gravy train in order to milk the public purse and line their pockets, in an Independent Scotland?
AmadeusMinkowski says:
7 May, 2013 at 12:00 am
Will Plank’s Uncertainty Principle become even more uncertain in an Independent Scotland?
Aye, mibbes
Will Van MacHelsing be unemployed due to the lack of vampires in a Independent Scotland? Yes must come clean
Would the Video Kill the Radio Star in an independent Scotland? … if yes make it Call Kay(e) please!
@Craig M: Troughs will be provided.
Will ‘In the Summertime’ be renamed ‘In the Endless, Howling Awful Winter’ in an Independent Scotland
Will Captain Oates have to say ‘God this is an Awful Place, I may be some time’ when he’s away out to the shops (for example, Tesco) in an Independent Scotland
Will cockles and mussels still be alive-a-live-oh in an independent Scotland?
Could we Pump up the Volume in an Independent Scotland? … oh yes!!
Would Donald lose his troosers in an Independent Scotland?
Will we still be allowed to use the alphabet in an independent Scotland?
Would we still have to walk
500 Miles or more
to get to the Mother of Parliaments?
Will we still be able to tak the high road in an Independant Scotland?
Will we still be able to tak the low road in an Independant Scotland?
Wll I be in an Indepandant Scotland before you, in an Independant Scotalnd?
Will whatever numbers left still support LibDems after Nick Cleggs I hate Johnny Foreigner interview on Sky and BBC in an independent Scotland?
Craig M@8.14
The answer to all your questions is NAW
Will we still have our wee bit hill and glen in an independent Scotland?
Will Milk still be past your eyes in an Independent Scotland
Having skimmed down BT’s list of questions and only managing to get to no. 86, it seems the entire 500 can be encapsulated by asking the following: Will someone be able to fill out an application form in an independent Scotland?
Other than to provide some welcome levity on this website, what the actual fuck are BT thinking with this; its utter nonsense.
Will there still be Irn in my Brew in an independent Scotland?
A very serious question indeed.
Will the car in front still be a Toyota in an independent Scotland?
Other than to provide some welcome levity on this website, what the actual fuck are BT thinking with this; its utter nonsense.
Don’t fall into the trap of looking for rational thought where none exists.
Are we human or are we dancer in an independent Scotland?
Will ‘Scotch broth’ just be ‘broth’ in an independent Scotland?
In an independent Scotland will the Pope do away with St Jude and name
Alastair Darling
as the
Patron Saint of Lost Causes
?
Can we blame it on the sunshine, the good times, the moonlight or will we still need to blame it on the boogie in an independent Scotland?
Will people on the East Coast still have the bizarre habit of requesting “salt n sauce” on their chips in an independent Scotland?
MajorBloodnok says:
6 May, 2013 at 10:57 pm
What direction will water go down the plughole in an independent Scotland?
Could well be counter-clockwise, if we can a find a big enough saw.
@Pa Broon
Pa if anyone bothers to actually read through 500 questions without falling asleep, they deserve a medal. Its not a rational concept from anyone never mind BT. Only in the imaginations of people like Messrs McDougall and Darling could this be called a serious attempt to engage with the public.
When I walk through a storm will I hold my head up high in an independent Scotland?
Presumably, 498 questions will be asked today, 497 tomorrow….
Which will bring us down to just one on the day.
What will the RUK or FUK be called in an independent Scotland?
quick gander at the questions:
461 What country would Scottish expats be citizens of post separation?
-they can’t be serious!
What time will the one o’clock gun go off in an independent Scotland?
Will Ally Bally Ally Bally Bee still be greeting for a wee bawbee to buy some Coulter’s candy in an independent Scotland?
Will people on the West Coast still only want salt and vinegar on their chippy in an independent Scotland?
Will we be nearly there yet in an independent Scotland?
@macart & S_S
Every now and again you get lulled into a false sense of, well sense I suppose. Which means when BT etc come out with stuff like this, you’re taken aback when in fact; its juts a reminder of how unhinged their argument is.
Every single one of those five hundred questions are based on one premise and one premise alone: that we are all uniquely stupid.
I’m going to have to stop thinking about it because my incredulous gland has ran out of… I don’t know – Cred?
Will beelzebub have a devil put aside for me in an independent Scotland…..?
Will the rocks melt with the sun…in an Independent Scotland?
Where does the Scottish government stand on the Hokey Cokey….. Are we IN or OOT In an independent Scotland ?
Anyhoo, good to see the EU referendum being splashed all over the front pages.
Given that UKIP and many Tories want out, I can see support for Scotland becoming independent and remaining in the EU climbing rapidly.
Scots logic dictates that if the Tories/UKIP hate something, it must be good.
Ah but, will bluebirds fly over white cliffs in an independent Scotland?
Will.i.am in an independent Scotland?
Will water be too volatile in an independent scotland.
How many varieties of Heinz will we get in an independent Scotland?
Rev Stu, has your twitter feed disappeared (that’s not one of the 500 Qs btw)?
“Rev Stu, has your twitter feed disappeared (that’s not one of the 500 Qs btw)?”
Um, no. Why would you think that?
pa_broon74 says
“Every single one of those five hundred questions are based on one premise and one premise alone: that we are all uniquely stupid.”
Exactly – that answers all these questions and any others – except why are the uniquely stupid people all clustered in the Better Together campaign
Will Jim Morrison be resurrected when we break on through to the other side in an independent Scotland?
Will we able to stop thinking about tomorrow in an independent Scotland, will it soon be here and will it be better than before?
Will I still be able to get a peerage in an Independent Scotland?
What am I saying! That was probably number 1 in Darling and Lamont’s fictitious list.
@Joybell
Bluebirds are in fact indigenous to America and one has never flown over the “White Cliffs of Dover”
Another Westminster lie!
PS An American wrote the song!
@Buuger (The Panda)
Would we still have to walk 500 Miles or more to get to the Mother of Parliaments?
Brilliant. By the way, I made a mistake, its Heisenberg, not Plank, so should read.
Will Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle* become even more Uncertain in an Independent Scotland.
* From the foundation of Quantum Mechanics
Will there still be a Better Together movement in an independent Scotland?
Serious question.
Will Santa come to an independent Scotland?
Will the tooth fairy come to an independent Scotland?
AmadeusMinkowski says: a propos Heisenberg
There you go, spoiling my day.
I had happily forgotten all that shit, except the graffiti about it on the inside of the bog door.
The Scotsman’s Newspaper carries its own #500questions with
“Independence: Exlplain effect on Lottery, say Tories“?
So the Scotsman has finally arrived at its ultimate destination, Self-Paraody.
“except why are the uniquely stupid people all clustered in the Better Together campaign”
Bit of a self fulfilling prophecy if your entire campaign is based on assuming everyone is stupid.
Who is the man who handed Kay(e) her arse on a plate about 9.15 re Ian Smart?
@Rev. Stuart Campbell
‘“Rev Stu, has your twitter feed disappeared (that’s not one of the 500 Qs btw)?”
Um, no. Why would you think that?’
Can’t see it in Firefox or Safari, though it was there earlier this am.
Iain brotherhood
see below and on Lets Pretend thread
Gordon Bain says:
7 May, 2013 at 9:23 am
On Call Kaye right now they’re discussing whether footballers should be held up as Role models. I thought I’d try to highlight the disparity between treatment of Leigh Griffiths for an offensive Tweet compared to Mr Smart.
Sorry, had to cut this short as Kaye actually spoke to ma. I say spoke to when I should say talked over. I’m not much of a public speaker though but the point has to be made.
Hail Alba!
Will the Schwarzchild radius stay the same in an independent Scotland? That Alex Salmond had better answer that one cos if it doesnae, Scotland could fall straight into a black hole the day after separation. Is that really a risk worth taking?
@Bugger (the Panda)
Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle:
Will the uncertainty encoded in Plank’s constant become even larger in an Independent Scotland?
Amadeus
see Cath above
Cath says:
7 May, 2013 at 9:38 am
Come to think of it, will black holes have to me renamed Blue holes?
I think we need to ask Iain Smart about that.
Will the odds against pieces flung from 20 storey flats reaching earth still be 99/1?
Apparently SmartieTweetGate is covered in some of today’s printed media.
“Will the odds against pieces flung from 20 storey flats reaching earth still be 99/1?”
If Plank’s constant changes that could be even tougher for the SNP to answer.
@Bugger (The Panda)-
Thanks for that.
Gordon Bain is a hero! And modest with it:
‘I’m not much of a public speaker though but the point has to be made.’
It was superb – she was totally rattled, her voice was so high that my dogs came in to listen.
Well done that man.
When you have eliminated the impossible, will whatever remains, however improbable, be the truth in an independent Scotland?
This one is for Stuart Black!
“Was her daddy bad?
Was it bullets for my baby?
But there’s one thing bothering me,
Who was the Man in the Jar?”
@Pa Broon
Know exactly what you mean. When I first heard of this 500 questions stunt I thought somebody is taking the proverbial. I couldn’t believe that BT was so uniquely foolhardy as to insult the entire Scottish electorate. But hey never underestimate the oppositions capacity for shooting themselves in the foot. One question or one thousand there is only one answer – In an independent Scotland a democratically elected Scottish Government will make choices on any given subject in the best interests of the Scottish electorate.
And will pi still be 3.14159 in an independent Scotland ?
More important will a Scotch Pie just be Pie in an independent Scotland ?
And what will happen to Scotch Egg in an independent Scotland ?
How many prime numbers will there be in an independent Scotland?
What happens if there aren’t enough helicopters to evacuate the millions of refugees?
Will my English auntie still be able to get access to a plain loaf and square slice if Scotland becomes independent.
Will Minnie the Moocher
Still be a Low down Hoochi-Coocher
In an independent Scotland?
“Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like in an independent Scotland?” I said,
And it looks like some helpful spambots on twitter want to know the same sort of thing! And I have more questions now.
Is this a meme now?
How long will Bitter Together be able to pretend this was part of the plan?
Have the vile nasty cybernats ruined your fun by having their own fun?
Are there actually any questions in there that haven’t already either been answered, can’t be answered now because the situation might change, can’t be answered because westminster or the EU have to be asked, or have actually already been answered?
Post independence,
Will we have to send food parcels south of Gretna?
Satire or wot?
@ TMITJ
i reckon she’ll have to settle for being a hoochter tuichter!
Will Scottie lose the power to beam up people in an independent Scotland.
Most importantly though…. Will Susan Calman find her funny bone in an independent Scotland?
Anyone who was in the Boys Brigade might recognise this one:
Will your anchor hold in the storms of life,
when the clouds unfold their wings over Scotland?
Will space still be The Final Frontier in an independent Scotland.
Will the East coasts of Caithness, Sutherland and Ross-shire stop being the far NW in an independent Scotland’s weather forecasts?
O/T
For a historical perspective on the Labour Party’s “more-devo-will-be-along-in-a-minute” approach to leading the Scottish electorate up the garden path, loop up Hamish Mitchel’s
.html" rel="nofollow">Labour Betrays Scotland in 1979 Referendum article
One notes that the Labour line was to support the Referendum, but the betrayal was by MP’s who rebelled and wouldn’t support it; there rebellion was against Scottish interests!
The above web page is part of what looks to be a 1997 referendum blog, and its a treasure trove, likely to be of great value for YES today. Check it out
link to atschool.eduweb.co.uk
Will Happy Jock, still live in the sands at the Isle of Skye,
Will three craws still be able to sit upon a wa in an Independent Scotland?
This monkey’s gone to heaven, but what will happen to deceased long-tail primates in a separate Scotland?
Just how lang will your lum reek in an independent Scotland?
O/T 2
Regarding Scotland’s 1979 devolution referendum, The Scotsman has a Comment article by Prof. Christopher Harvie: “the impact of the 1979 devolution referendum”
Well worth a read, especially in conjunction with Hamish Mitchel’s blog above; for those who want to go deeper, that is!
@Rev Stu: I mentioned the Make Believers documentaryupdate yesterday, at the bottom of the flagellation thread, just had another one in and the DVD design has now been sent to the printers, so it shouldn’t be too long.
Happily, the proposed design – very plain, I have a picture, but don’t know how to get it on here – has a statement as follows:
“The Producers grant permission to copy and distribute this documentary including distribution on file sharing and video websites.”
Will the Scottish Government apologise for invading England in 1745 and causing such panic in London?
Will the Scottish Government seek redress for the losses at Culloden in 1746?
Will Braveheart be remade in Scotland with Scottish actors but not Billy Connolly?
Will a wee boy wi a wee bow an ara still shoot at a wee cock spara sittin oan a wheelbara in an independent Scotland?
O/T 3
(Not)Smart Tweet
Article just appeared in Herald on (not)Smart Tweet, referring to McConnell in title into the bargain.
Rev Stu
shurely it should be
“Are we not men…..We are Devo”
Will marine technology lead the way in dry-cleaning in an independent Scotland??
Will Rev. Stuart Campbell know what we mean in an independent Scotland?
Will all Scottish inventions since 1707 stop working in an independent Scotland
Will my love still be but a lassie yet in an independent Scotland?
Trying to get this to 400….
Will the days still grow shorter as we reach September in an independent Scotland?
Will Ian Smart become a hero of the revolution in an independent Scotland?
It takes a special kind of genius to completely sink the unionists’ Calman stunt
Will Groundskeeper Willie get a Scottish passport from an independent Scotland?
Will i be alive and kicking in an independent Scotland
You lift me up, dont you ever stop, im here with you
Now its all or nothing
‘Cause you say you’ll follow through
you follow me, and i, i, i follow you.
Och go on then…will we have Simple Minds in an independent Scotland
Life is a mystery. Everyone must stand alone. But could Scotland?
*Ian Smart hands canister of petrol to cybernat cross burners in background*
Will we no gae back again in an independent Scotland?
YOU’RE DAMNED RIGHT WE WON’T,
Will Scotland’s oil wealth continue to be be spent on London in an independent England? #500questions
Now you may try to subtract it. But it just won’t go away. One, two, three. But will it still be the magic number in an independent Scotland?
Will the earth still move for us in an independent Scotland?
My dog’s got no nose. How will it smell in an independent Scotland?
Why does it always rain on me? Was it because I voted Labour when I was 18?
Will universities in indy Scotland continue to carry out world-class research, making the future even more scary and uncertain?
Like a Bat out of Hell, will I still be gone when the morning comes in an independent Scotland?
Will the sound of a barrel being scraped be the same in an independent Scotland?
If we all live forever in an independent Scotland what is Swinney going to do about pensions?
If the moon is made of green cheese how will this affect the Scottish Government’s space program?
Laughed all the way through these:
Will there still be Ginger Nut (Biscuits) in an Independent Scotland? and
Will these boots still be made for walking in an Independent Scotland?
Will there be a law against shovin’ grannies aff the bus in an Independent Scotland?
Money money money but what will it be called in an independent Scotland?
If Salmond can’t tell us, will it still be a rich man’s world in his independent Scotland?
Alex Salmond must tell us now, will there be The Muckin ‘o’ Geordie’s Byre, in an independent Scotland?
Will the SNP fund Delany’s Donkey Run the Half Mile Race?
What kind of noise annoys an oyster in an Independent Scotland?
This is ridiculous, already more than 500 unanswered questions from ordinary members of the public and potential voters. Better Together have had over 300 years to come up with the answers to these obvious questions and they haven’t even attempted to answer one! How can we possibly make any decision on whether we want to remain as subjects of the UK if they cannot guarantee any answers.
We wanna be free. We wanna be free to do what we wanna do. And we wanna get loaded. And we wanna have a good time. That’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna have a good time. We’re gonna have a party. But I don’t have a passport or driving licence. And the man at the counter won’t sell me alcohol without suitable identification. And wee Brian’s idea to put a false moustache on didn’t work. And my dad’s tweed jacket is way too big for me anyway. So my question is this: will I still need to provide ID in an independent Scotland if I want to buy booze?
To be honest, no amount of lyrics quotes can beat some of UKOK’s actual questions. Apologies, I don’t know how to use cite tags in comments.
”
475. The Metropolitan Police currently provide for range of counter terrorism responsibilities covering the UK. Would an independent Scotland replicate this and what would the financial cost be?
476. There is currently an absence of trained professionals in areas such as counter terrorism and specialist policing in Scotland. Does the Scottish Government have an immediate plan to remedy this shortage in the event of a ‘yes’ vote?
”
475: As there is ‘currently an absence of trained counter terrorism professionals’ in UK Scotland, the Scottish Government will move the responsibility of CT policing to Barra Police Station and have no loss of effectiveness.
Also, 95 and 396 are duplicate.
So many questions. It must be impossible for any nation to establish itself upon leaving the British Empire. That’s the reason why 25% of the nations on the globe are red! OH WAIT.
Anyway, what are the answers to these 507 (give or take) questions if we vote No?
I need to know.
Why is a mouse when it spins in an independent Scotland?
Who knows were the times goes in an Independent Scotland?
Rev. Presumably you’ll stop at 500 comments
What time will Alan Cochrane’s helicopter be leaving?
And where from?
@Tasmainian
Hey, you read them all!? Kudos
Will Holyrood be able to afford another brick in the wall in an Independent Scotland?
I’m beginning to think that BT are correct; there are just too many unknown unknowns.
Last question though (honest), once we separate from England, how far out into the Atlantic will Scotland get before it sinks?
If its too far to swim back, I’m voting No.
It’s been said before but one of our greatest weapons is humour, not many laughs to be had with the other lot, maybe it’s a simple as that, they’re, in the main, humourless types who take themselves way too seriously and are more concerned about what they’ll lose at an individual level than the future of Scotland. For many, perhaps Mr Smart etc, the idea we could actually vote YES was unthinkable but now they’re worried.
Let’s laugh our way to independence ……. a touring stand up comic show taking on the lies/doublespeak and desperation. 10 shows based on answering 50 of the BT questions in each one.
711. Will Alistair Darling work from 7 to 11, trying to figure out how to successfully flip his house at taxpayers expense, one more time before he’s out of a job in an independent Scotland?
Can we still go down to the tube station at midnight in an Independent Scotland.
From BT
In 500 days Scots will answer the most important question we have ever been asked.
Today Better Together ask 500 questions.
Is it just me or does the first sentence not undermine the second?
Will Jonny still be good in an Independent Scotland?
Will IPA be Independence Pale Ale in the new Independent Scotland ?
Will shark attacks increase in an independent Scotland?
What will the speed of the sound of loneliness be in an independent Scotland?
The night we met I knew I needed you so
And if I had the chance I’d never let you go
So won’t you say you love me?
I’ll make you so proud of me
We’ll make ’em turn their heads every place we go in an independent Scotland.
Here’s a real question for our “Better Together” comrades.
In the nigh on forty years that Westminster has been hoovering up the proceeds of that oh so volatile commodity that Scotland is floating upon, can not a miniscule amount of the proceeds have been spared to, for instance, upgrade the A9 to a dual carriageway, generating much needed employment, cutting the needless road deaths on this accident blackspot, and speeding up the transport link between two of our major cities?
Or was there nothing to spare after the M25, the Channel tunnel, the Millenium dome, and all the rest of the Londoncentric vanity projects?
Better Together? My arse.
The speed of the sound of loneliness! Nice.
925. In an independent Scotland, a typical workday may continue for many to start at 9 and finish at 5.
How many of those available work hours then will Alistair Darling spend fiddling with his wedding tackle while lying under a sunbed during the entire month of January?
925 (ii)(b). Will he clean up his own mess?
Will mammies still caution their weans to desist from arguing lest it a’ end in a greetin’ match in an independent Scotland?
Will it still be the case you must wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming in an Independent Scotland ?
Well, a good slice of the BT500 have been answered over at Scot goes Pop.
http://scotgoespop.blogspot.com/2013/05/questions-to-which-answer-is-dont-ask.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ScotGoesPop+%28SCOT+goes+POP%21%29
Will wings manage to reach 500 posts on the issue of 500 questions by the end of the day ?
If you’re asking yourself if you should stay or you should go in the event of an independent Scotland, I suggest if you go there may well be trouble but staying may of course see it double.
Do you hear London calling, that I suppose is the question to answer.
If Scotland has a separate monarchy, will God still save our Queen?
Will the Bain Principle still apply in an independent Scotland?
@stuartblack
Thanks for the link, given the obvious need for repeat answers maybe we can ascertain how few answers are needed to answer their 500 questions.
999. Currently 999 is the primary emergency service phone number.
The full time services are …
Police
Ambulance service
Fire Brigade
Coastguard
The calls are free and there are no service charges to the caller assuming the emergency is genuine.
In an independent Scotland will callers be allowed to report that Domino Pizza delivered beyond their promised 30 minute rule & claim a free deep fried Mars bar?
@Aplinal
Well, I skimmed them. Then copied the PDF into Notepad++. Incidentally, it is disgraceful for an organisation to publish a document with ‘FINAL’ in the title when it’s peppered with inconsistent formatting and missing punctuation.
949494: What character will terminate a sentence to indicate a question in an independent Scotland
Many many many of them are nonsense. Let me just present some of the padding from that document.
29. An independent Scotland would no longer be protected by the British Armed Forces, would new Scottish Armed forces units be created?
Would this include a:
30. Scottish Army?
31. Scottish Navy?
32. Scottish Marine force?
33. Scottish Air Force?
34. Scottish Special Forces?
35. Scottish Territorial Army?
What is the Scottish Government’s strategy for achieving a separate Scotland’s membership of the
70. Food and Agriculture Organisation?
71. International Atomic Energy Agency
72. International Civil Aviation Organisation
73. International Labour Organisation?
74. UNESCO?
75. UN Industrial Development Organisation?
76. World Food Programme?
77. World Health Organisation?
78. World Meterological Organisation?
79. World Tourism Organisation?
80. Commonwealth?
81. OECD?
82. International Olympic Committee?
83. Interpol?
84. International Maritime Organisation?
(How about a photocopied form letter?)
What work has been undertaken to assess whether X would be higher or lower in an independent Scotland:
117. income tax?
118. VAT?
119. National Insurance contributions?
120. Corporation Tax?
121. fuel duties?
122. tobacco duties?
123. alcohol duties?
124. Capital Gains Tax?
125. Insurance Premium Tax?
126. betting and gambling duties?
127. the Climate Change Levy?
128. Inheritance Tax?
129. Vehicle Excise Duty?
146. What work has been undertaken to assess the Vehicle Excise Duty rates for different types of vehicles?
147. What work has been undertaken to assess Vehicle Excise Duty exemptions – e.g. for classic vehicles?
(Possibly my favourite question. Will Chitty Chitty Bang Bang require VED in Scotland? WE MUST BE TOLD.)
148. What work has been undertaken to assess Vehicle Excise Duties exemptions for disabled people?
193. Would an independent Scotland have its own distinct approach, or would firms be expected to adhere to the existing UK Corporate Governance Code and standards?
330. Would pensioners continue to receive a free TV licence in a separate Scotland?
340. Should Dundee or Aberdeen win UK City of culture, how would a vote for independence impact this status?
341. What assessment has the Scottish Government made of whether a Scottish athlete who currently, or intends to, compete for team GB at the Olympic Games will be able to do so in the future should they wish to?
342. How many Scots athletes would be disenfranchised by not being part of Team GB?
(A negative number.)
343. Would a separate Scotland enter teams into the Olympics and Paralympics?
350. How much would a first class stamp cost in a separate Scotland?
356. Will a separate Scotland have a Universal Service Obligation (USO) which guarantees:
(That’s not a question.)
357. At least one delivery of letters every Monday to Saturday to every address in the UK?
358. At least one collection of letters every Monday to Saturday from every access point i n the UK that is used to receive letters and postal packets for onward transmission?
359. Postal services at an affordable, uniform tariff across the UK?
360. A registered items service at an affordable public tariff?
361. An insured items service at an affordable public tariff?
362. A free-of-charge postal service to blind or partially sighted people?
363. And Free carriage of legislative petitions and addresses?
435. Where would the Scottish Government plan to set its maritime border with the rest of the UK?
(DANGEROUS for Westminster to remind Scots of the 1999 theft!)
Here’s a plan. Stu, can you put a Bugzilla bug tracking database on wosland somewhere and we submit these 500 as bugs. They can then be merged, categorised, marked as irrelevant, passed back to Westminster, and the few remaining (like would Scotland retain UK privileges within the EU) actually debated.
Will it be possible to find me and follow me through corridors, refectories and files in an independent Scotland?
Will Wendys brain still be the size of a planet in an independent Scotland?
What are the Scottish Government’s plans re the tying of shoe lacers in an independent Scotland?
Will Nessie pop oot, playing bagpipes, for a photie session in an independent Scotland?
Will the answers to these 500 questions mean thousands of more jobs for Scots in an Independent Scotland?
YES 2014!
Will there be Smart lawyers in an independent Scotland?
Will UKIP still be a fool for UKOKs love in an independent Scotland?
Will we expect the Spanish Inquisition in an independent Scotland?
Will the yowes still be ca’d tae the knowes where the heather grows an’ the burnie rows, in an independent Scotland?
Will we sing “Will ye no come back again?” with feeling, to the Better Together departees?
What plans have the Scottish government made for independent health, education and legal systems in a separate Scotland?
Can Scots and visitors alike have tours of Lamonts’ secret bunker in an independent Scotland and will Erchie be one of the friendly ghosts on this tour?
How much will babysitters be paid in an independent Scotland?
@uilleambeag Gosh I didn’t realise it was that serious I thought this was just fooling around but …
Is it Right over Left and under or Left over Right?
and how are we going to pay for all the nursery assisitants if this is to be taught at school as we cant possibly expect parents to do all this and potty training too?
Will I have to give my NHS dental fillings back in an independent Scotland ?
Will mammies still offer to gie us somethin tae greet fur in an independent Scotland?
@Jeannie
Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition.
More importantly will we have harbour side fish slapping competitions in an independent Scotland?
Will I still be able to tumble ma wilkies in an independent Scotland…. ah mean will ah ?
Will I still have to call ma pants “Cary Grants” in an independent Scotland?
In an independent Scotland will mony a mickle still mak a muckle?
Will we still be allowed to eat Yorkshire pudding in an independent Scotland?
Will I still have to save people’s blushes and discreetly refer to their piles as “Duke of Argylls” in an independent Scotland
Who shall know the known knowns and known unknowns in an independent Scotland?
And who shall know or not know the unknown knowns and unknown unknowns in an independent Scotland?
Does anybody known or unknown actually know? Or not know?
What will that thingee that takes stones oot o horses hooves be caw’ed in an Independent Scotland ?
Will Ian Smart fight the law and the law win in an independent Scotland?
Do you know who I am in an independent Scotland?
@ Tasmanian @12.55pm
Thanks for posting that.
I was just wondering how many could be answered …’the electors of an Independent Scotland will choose a Government and get back to you on that one..’
If an independent Scotland remains in the EU will we all have to wear E U Jimmy Hats ? I mean wull we ?
Scoot to the 500. Thanks Rev. Stu for such a great post and especially LobeyDosser who found out ‘Theres a place for you….ya just got to push a wee bit”
Will we still be able to get Student Loans for paying our potty training fees in an Independent Scotland?
Will Cumberland sausages be called Butcher Cumberland sausages in an independent Scotland and won’t this cause confusion if your butcher isn’t actually called Cumberland?
Who’s going to take the kids to school in an independent Scotland and will the kids be united?
A teacher in the UK gave a wrong answer and became a wild fox for five hundred lifetimes. What if he had given a wrong answer in an independent Scotland?
At the risk of mashing memes, even the cats are getting in on this.
‘I Can Has Independent Scotland?’
http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250×250/37602939.jpg
Will we finally find out who “that masked man was” in an independent Scotland?
Hmmm just having lunch and wondering will there be more bits of chicken in my chicken soup in an Independent Scotland
Will this be a question in an independent Scotland?
Er. I meant to say: a lot of those questions seem to imply that an independent Scotland is required to immediately reinvent, for example, legislation on what types of car must pay VED. What’s wrong with retaining UK legislation until it’s found to be unworkable in an independent Scotland?
Here’s another thought. Let’s go through this list and turn it on its head.
61. Would the UK retain the military helicopter capacity to evacuate North Sea oil platforms in the event of a major incident?
105. What changes would the UK make to personal taxation bands?
106. Would the UK introduce a 50p tax rate?
107. Would the UK introduce a 10p tax rate?
117. What work has been undertaken to assess whether income tax would rise or fall in the UK?
118. What work has been undertaken to assess whether VAT, NI, fuel duties, (etc ad nauseum) would rise or fall in the UK?
197. What assessment has been made of the impact on Scottish brands in the UK market if there is a Scottish vote to remain in the UK?
229. Would pensioners continue to receive the Winter Fuel Allowance in the UK?
230. Would the Cold Weather Payment continue in the UK?
231. What work has been undertaken to establish at what age the state pension would be paid in the UK?
233. Will Working Tax Credits continue to be paid in the UK?
234. Will Job Seekers Allowance continue to be paid in the UK?
235. Will Child Tax Credits continue to be paid in the UK?
236. Will Child Benefit continue to be paid in the UK?
237. Will Housing Benefit continue to be paid in the UK?
238. Will Disability benefits continue to be paid in the UK?
241. What rate will benefits be paid at in the UK?
323. Would the BBC remain as the main public broadcaster in the UK?
330. Would pensioners continue to receive a free TV licence in the UK?
350. How much would a first class stamp cost in the UK?
356-363. Will the UK Royal Mail retain a Universal Service Obligation (USO) which guarantees a bunch of stuff?
364. British Telecom currently has a Universal Service Obligation which requires it to provide a telephone line to households across the UK. How long will the UK government continue this?
365. What will the minimum wage be in the UK?
417. Does the UK Government expect to maintain the current levels of funding for university research?
452. How is citizenship defined in the UK?
476. There is currently an absence of trained professionals in areas such as counter terrorism and specialist policing in Scotland. Does the UK Government have an immediate plan to remedy this shortage?
484. If Scotland voted against separation, would Scottish votes have any impact on the outcome of the 2015 UK General Elections?
488. How many Ministers would there be in the UK-wide Parliament?
489. What would their salaries and expenses be? HA HA HA HA HA
490. What would the electoral system be for the UK-wide Parliament?
Will somebody finally tell us who took the dogs out in an independent Scotland?
Send all of these great questions to Susie C….give her something to work with and show our largesse…………said with gritted teeth.
How much will a hauf an a hauf be in an independent Scotland?
(Wan, of course)
Will my bum still be oot the windae in an independent Scotland?
Will my arse still be in parsley in an independent Scotland?
Will @tasmanian get a gold medal for services to research into stuff and nonsense, and coming up with alternative questions, in an independent Scotland?
PS Thanks for effort
HEALTH WARNING:
Will kippers be allowed to smoke in an independent Scotland?
Will independence hinder the further development of lactose-free water?
Will the answer to life, the universe and everything still be 42 in an independent Scotland?
Will the official “windae hingin” season still commence on the first of May in an independent Scotland?
Will kay still be able to use her ‘e’ in an independent Scotland?
Will we know what Scotland has in its pocketsies when were Independent.
Will I have to ask someone first, if that insult was in quotes in an Independent Scotland?
Nearly there now
Will I still wanna go home when day de light come in an Independent Scotland?
Will it still be committing social suicide to no take your turn of the sterrs in an independent Scotland and will it still be a social faux pas to “keep a durty hoose”?
If it’s a penny for your thoughts, but in a discussion you put your two pence worth in, who will get the extra penny in an independent Scotland?
Will Ed Balls grow some gonads in an independent Scotland?
@ Lobeydosser
Good point.. furthermore, will our armies still be kept up our sleevies in an Independent Scotland?
Will V.A.T on IT be reduced so that we can all afford IT …. ?
Climbing out of poverty and on to the dole ..!
Will Better Together take the money and run in an independent Scotland?
Will Eric Joyce and Ian Davidson hit me baby one more time in an independent Scotland?