1. That the Tories hadn’t offered the Lib Dems anything on electoral reform. The sudden, desperate and resentful least-possible offer of a referendum on the absolutely useless AV (which does almost nothing for the Lib Dems) was a panic reaction to Brown’s game-changing resignation.
At least, it’s statistically probable that you do. The majority – 53% – of votes cast by the British electorate last Thursday were worthless, because they were cast for candidates who didn’t win, and are therefore simply thrown in the bin by the First Past The Post electoral system.
So if you were one of the thousands of people locked out of polling stations across the country on Thursday night, don’t fret too much. Your vote would probably have been completely ignored anyway.
Because the aim was a hung parliament, and we got just about the hung-est parliament possible. The Tories need the Lib Dems to form a majority, Labour needs nearly everyone to form a majority, and the smallest parties could yet have the crucial say. Wow, that's hung. But what now?
I haven't been to bed yet. I may be cranky. But with over 90% of results in, it's not really possible to draw any conclusions from last night's election other than (a) almost everyone in Britain is a pathetic, brainless cretin, and (b) everything about our "democracy" is a sick black joke at our expense.
With just two days until an election that could mark either one of the greatest days in British political history or one of the blackest, we're all a bit nervous about the future. But one thing that's great for easing tension is free cash, and that's what appears to be on offer from Stan James this week.
The terrifying image above is Ladbrokes' predicted map of the UK come Friday morning. (You can find much more detail on it here.) It makes a few questionable assertions and contradicts itself in a number of places (eg Glasgow East), but where's the money?
So the debates are over. We've heard at great length from three right-wing politicians, offering us three slightly different flavours of right-wing policies. No alternative voices were permitted.
And the really troubling thing about this election is that that means NOBODY is speaking for the majority of the British population. It almost certainly means that nobody is speaking for you. Which, you might think, is a pretty odd way to be running a supposed democracy.
One of the most striking things about the current election is the BBC's total abandonment of even a pretence at impartiality with regard to the nationalist parties in Scotland and Wales (and other smaller parties like UKIP too), which is most obviously visible in the Corporation's determined exclusion of them from the defining theatre of the campaign – the leaders' debates.
In the light of protests pointing out that excluding what Ofcom defines as "main parties" in Scotland and Wales during an election is against broadcasting regulations, the BBC (and ITV and Sky, although the latter subsequently broke ranks – see above) hastily rebranded the programmes as "Prime Ministerial debates", and insisted that they were only for the politicians contesting the keys to 10 Downing Street.
The gigantic irony, of course, is that it looks increasingly as if NONE of the participants in the debates will actually be the next Prime Minister.
Clue: it’s not because they like having sex with children.
It’s because, along with the war in Afghanistan, they’re one of the only two major campaigning issues on which there isn’t even a manufactured illusion of disagreement between the three main parties standing in the General Election of 2010. Everyone is singing in perfect harmony from the same hymn sheet on this one: the unemployed are dangerous and despicable criminals.
Much like Afghanistan, none of the London parties speak for the UK electorate on this important issue. Which is, y'know, kinda strange. You'd think wars and spending scores of billions of pounds on pointless weapons in a recession would be just the sort of thing that would come up during an election as points of contention. But maybe I'm missing something.
Hang on. Is this classic reverse psychology? Does the Daily Mail actually WANT a hung parliament, for doubtless sinister reasons of its own?
Because it's hard to imagine that a major British newspaper could be edited by anyone SO stupid as to think this absurd, hysterical rubbish (based on an out-of-context quote EIGHT years old) could do anything but strengthen the feelings of anyone who's sick of the old Labour-Tory carve-up of this country. So let's help them, eh?
Aidan on The quality of mercy: “Absolutely Geri – it’s one of the most important lessons we can learn from great military generals, major construction projects…” Apr 7, 06:45
Mark Beggan on The quality of mercy: “I served in Operation Lionheart. Auf vedersein pet! Was the golden age of British television. Never missed it. Yes Deutsch…” Apr 7, 02:52
Young Lochinvar on The quality of mercy: “Beggars Spend much time on the tools in West Germany or BAOR holding back Ivan?? No? Thought not. I did.…” Apr 7, 00:29
Young Lochinvar on The quality of mercy: “Beggars Quoting Hitler (one on from the derivative Main Kampf here).. You’ve graduated from Moseley it seems.. Not a good…” Apr 7, 00:21
Sven on The quality of mercy: “I’m just betting it wasn’t either of Ms Sturgeon’s “Clyde Built” Ferry boats with painted on windows, Mark. You’d be…” Apr 6, 20:57
George Ferguson on The quality of mercy: “@Fearghas Agreed people don’t understand the Constitutional implications of King Charles not fulfilling the Union treaty to the Church of…” Apr 6, 19:43
Mark Beggan on The quality of mercy: “Why Aye Man. ‘We had no way of staying afloat We had to leave on the ferry boat Economic refugees…” Apr 6, 19:40
Geri on The quality of mercy: “It’s more than ten years & I hate to break it to you but it’s GLOBAL. England has perpetual grudges.…” Apr 6, 19:38
Geri on The quality of mercy: “Agreed! I’m also so over the eejits who constantly think we need to fix this & that before Indy. England…” Apr 6, 19:24
Mark Beggan on The quality of mercy: ““It is thus necessary that the individual should finally realise that his own ego is of no importance in comparison…” Apr 6, 19:24
Alf Baird on The quality of mercy: ““Hate by its very nature is destructive. To hate an entire nation over a period of ten years rips the…” Apr 6, 18:55
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “What in tarnashun boyy! Aint not no none of yer good ol’ boyys talkin’ likee that in tham there Scahtland..…” Apr 6, 18:31
TURABDIN on The quality of mercy: “From WIKI: «The earliest use of the term appears in 1507, when King James IV of Scotland was granted the…” Apr 6, 16:56
Andy Ellis on Clocks And Calendars: “@YL Given that “gotten” is – as I stated – probably more common amongst Scots than English users of the…” Apr 6, 16:47
Young Lochinvar on Clocks And Calendars: “Yee Haw Pardner! You for forget to say FACT after your “construction” (?!?) statement.. Do you also call trousers “pants”,…” Apr 6, 16:27
Young Lochinvar on The quality of mercy: “Beggars Then stop dissing all things Scotland “old boy”! By your own acknowledgement ye’ll feel so much better for it…” Apr 6, 16:20
Andy Ellis on Clocks And Calendars: “The construction “might have gotten” is perfectly acceptable English usage: it’s probably more common in US, Canadian and indeed Scots…” Apr 6, 16:05
James on The quality of mercy: “Purpose here? Distract, divide, dereail. Rinse, Repeat. And he/she/it thinks everyone is his/her/it’s “mate”. When in reality I don’t expect…” Apr 6, 15:57
Mark Beggan on The quality of mercy: “To hate someone takes a lot of energy. Energy that could be better spent and used more constructively. Hate by…” Apr 6, 15:46
crisiscult on Clocks And Calendars: ““might have gotten”? Who writes the blog these days? 8-/” Apr 6, 15:17
Fearghas MacFhionnlaigh on The quality of mercy: “CONSTITUTIONAL STATUS of CHURCH OF ENGLAND and CHURCH OF SCOTLAND. When Elizabeth was Queen the royal website carried the following:…” Apr 6, 14:35
James Barr Gardner on The quality of mercy: “I totally agree word for word, more and more people agree with it but the process needs speeding up for…” Apr 6, 14:06
James on The quality of mercy: “Wilma; “Hello, pot? Kettle here…..”” Apr 6, 12:51
Captain Caveman on The quality of mercy: “Heh. If there’s one thing I couldn’t been accused of, mate, it’s “poor self esteem”… much to the annoyance of…” Apr 6, 12:45
Jay on The quality of mercy: “Thank you for the ‘good luck’ comment, Young Lochinvar. Regrettably, I lack your knowledge of M. Beggan and what I…” Apr 6, 12:19
Confused on The quality of mercy: “an independent Scotland with the worst government imaginable is still preferrable to being in the UK with a government of…” Apr 6, 11:51
Confused on The quality of mercy: “I’m not here to talk / debate / discuss with the hotpot-eaters, but merely to piss on them, from a…” Apr 6, 11:47
Northcode on The quality of mercy: “I asked the internet this question: Do colonised elites appease their oppressor? And the internet said this: “In summary, while…” Apr 6, 11:22
Northcode on The quality of mercy: “A hae writ doun a new vers fir thon rideeculous, agin-the-Scots, hatesome Inglis naconal anthem pish tae pit in the…” Apr 6, 10:36