Johann’s Hat Shop
Posted on
October 02, 2012 by
Rev. Stuart Campbell
Johann Lamont seems a bit confused today over whether her cap fits or not. Can you help the Scottish Labour “leader” get dressed in time for her big important speech?
The helicopter hat would be brilliant. The bowler or top hats would be most appropriate, though.
Or this one: http://t.co/ckU9Crmq
where is the margaret thatcher wig?
It’s a fuckin hard hat she will be needing if she decides to take a swagger down pollock way anytime soon.
Nice light blue number she’s wearing in the pic on the STV ‘Tory Lamont’ article. If she goes on stage in Manchester with that on all you’ll see is a floating face.
The chefs hat will be handy for her hubbie cooking the books on GCC.
Maybe the blue screen and suit is meant to be like a CGI thing where they digitise the background (and her) so they can make the conference look like the Matrix.
Of course for the next Labour conference in Scotland they’ll need a blue screen where the audience goes so they can CGI in all the millions of cheering supporters and add happy smiling faces and red ties to them and whatnot.
A brilliant hat selection there. Everyone of them would be relevant. However, since Johann Lamont cannot wear more than one hat at a time (although she has tried!), I suggest the bowler hat – very British and appropriate to her current London leanings.
I’d definitely go for the “suicidal tendencies” cap. It certainly reflects their tragectory.
On further thought, the brim of the cap would hide most of her face…afterall no need to frighten the horses!
What about the one Homer Simpson wears that has the straws going in to two cans of super lager, let’s face it she must be steaming most of the time to spout the pish she comes away with.
Or a miners helmet with the wee Davy lamp, handy for finding her way out of Cameron’s arse.
Maybe we should just give Johann a free, honorary YES SCOTLAND cap, for all the great work she has done for the cause.
Did Elmer Fudd not run to a fetching line in headgear – she’s certainly doing her utmost to fill his shoes – another laughing stock that Labour think is wee enough, poor enough, and stupid enough to lead this fine nation of ours.
How about a black bag?
(no holes)
“What about the one Homer Simpson wears that has the straws going in to two cans of super lager,”
Bugger! I had one of those, and somehow forgot to put it in.
Then a thoat a could make Dave a bribe
So I said I wis in his tribe
Grabbin handoots can be so frustratin
When there’s aw they Labour cooncilors waitin
So you can understand why a let someone else rule oor land, cap in hand
Aye, the jimmy hat held out begging for pennies would be appropriate.
My initial view was the red union jack tea cosy until i remembered she had joined the blue tory,s .
2nd choice was the bowler hat so that she could feel at home with her chums in the O.O .
I wonder if it was her or murphy who arranged for them to boo the first minister at the golf .
The best hat for her by a mile has to be the suicidal tendencies as it is the one that fits her profile most .
As for her standing up at conference today and calling Alex Salmond a tartan tory that has to take the biscuit , is it not johann that has the welsh and scottish tory,s fighting her corner for her .
Are we still paying these people while they are at their party conference and not at their respective places of work.
SOMETHING FOR NOTHING.
The Homer one is probably much too sensible attire for Johann Stu. They are ingenious head wear.
A long time ago a friend of mine, for Hallowe’en, used an alice band, some cardboard and silver paper to make a comedy meat-cleaver that looked like had been brought down with considerable force through the top of her head. As a metaphor for Labour’s lobotomised strategy I reckon that would be the most appropriate headwear.
The homer hat is good, but maybe instead of the beer cans, some sort of trough?
If she’s going to say what I’ve read she’s going to say, then I’d suggest the clown hat as my first reaction was, “You must be joking!” For the future, though, I’d suggest the bowler hat as she clearly has her eye on a career down in London and that cloth cap image is just so passe in the eyes of today’s Labour Party.
@Major Bloodnok
What a brilliant idea! Might try that myself this year!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-scotland-politics-19789324
Aye, looking at that pic there’s no question she’s a Tory.
I wonder if Dave was up next
http://tinyurl.com/9dhqbqv
I’d say that there is a hat for each day of the week for her – nice political response eh?
But surely you are not stopping at her hat? There is her “fool” wardrobe to determine.
Daywear should that spell ware(?): then evening: to bed does she wear a Knighty or jammies. Could well be her jammies will have a jam tomorrow motif, her knighty motif – I had a dream?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-north-east-orkney-shetland-19790191
Now the story about the eejit in Aberdeen makes a bit more sense. I assumed he was raking the bins for some ‘fresh’ ideas for Scottish Labour, apparently not.
If the hat fits wear it, so it must be the jester or fool’s hat for Johann.
I was thinking along the lines of the top hat myself. After all she’ll need to wear a top hat when she leads the funeral cortège at Labour’s funeral.
So she’s been getting on to cafepress too, eh? 😉
This reminds me of those dress-up paper dolls. The ones with the little outfits you’d cut out of paper and they’d have tags to fold around the back of the cardboard cut-out. This is pretty close to that. Go on. You know you want to.
Embra Don
The P&J has a headline today on this story;
‘Bucket Heid shows his face’
I kid you not.
Seasick dave , apparently he was looking for Johanns hat.
I thought the bucket was the hat….
Johann is a bucket Heid.
I always thought she should be wearing curlers and a hair net.
Come to think of it, maybe her head is a hat, cos it’s fuck all use for anything else.
Actually, she should be wearing a purple helmet, so that the country can see her for what she really is.
aye Seaside Dave I would go with the Bucket as long as it has a toilet seat fitted.
after all she is ‘full of it’.
Dewar, McLeish, McConnell, Alexander, Gray. Lamont.
Anybody see a pattern here?
Who’re they gonnae get next!
Andrew they could always dig Keir Hardie up.
After all he would talk more sense than these DunderHeids… even dead.
“This reminds me of those dress-up paper dolls. The ones with the little outfits you’d cut out of paper and they’d have tags to fold around the back of the cardboard cut-out. This is pretty close to that. Go on. You know you want to.”
That was in fact the original idea, but I couldn’t get any good vector images of hats…
@Roll_On_2014
Aye, but tae keep the trend going they need tae find somebody even worse than Johann. There’s ayeways Magrit I suppose.
If you want to get ahead, get a hat.