Reasons to be fearful
We’ve taken quite a lot of cold medication this week, readers, and it’s caused us to have a bit of an epiphany. We’ve realised that our constant advocacy of independence is a recklessly optimistic position which takes no account of the very real dangers of separating Scotland from the rest of the UK (and the world), and that in order to be responsible citizens we ought to present a more balanced picture.
We’ve decided, therefore, to use this page to keep track of the numerous and often serious potential consequences of a Yes vote in 2014, as helpfully pointed out by our concerned countrymen south of the border and the cooler heads in our own land.
IF YOU VOTE ‘YES’ TO INDEPENDENCE:
– YOU’LL PROBABLY DIE OF CANCER
– SCOTLAND WILL BE BOMBED BY ENGLAND
– YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE KIDNAPPED
– THE ECONOMY WILL BE DESTROYED
– THE EDINBURGH ZOO PANDAS WILL BE CONFISCATED
– WE’LL ALL BE MURDERED BY TERRORISTS…
– …AND EVEN IF YOU ONLY GET INJURED YOU’LL BLEED TO DEATH
– WOMEN ALL OVER THE WORLD WILL BE RAPED
– YOU WON’T BE ALLOWED TO LISTEN TO BRITISH MUSIC…
– …AND YOU WON’T FEEL AS CONNECTED TO TENNIS AT WIMBLEDON
– WE’LL HAVE TO DRIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD
– YOU’LL NEVER WIN THE LOTTERY
– ENGLAND WILL BUILD A NEW HADRIAN’S WALL
– YOU’LL NEED A PASSPORT TO GO TO GARELOCHHEAD
– ORKNEY AND SHETLAND WILL FORM A BREAKAWAY COUNTRY
– NOBODY WILL KNOW SCOTLAND’S INTERNATIONAL DIALLING CODE…
– …AND YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO AFFORD PHONE CALLS ANYWAY
– YOU WON’T GET ANY HOLIDAYS EVER
– WE MIGHT HAVE TO GET A WEIRD-LOOKING NEW QUEEN
– WE’LL BE BARRED FROM JOINING THE EU…
– …BUT WE’LL HAVE TO PAY THE EU A FORTUNE, AS WE’LL BE TOO RICH
– YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO WATCH ‘STRICTLY COME DANCING’…
– WE’LL GET NUKED AND NOBODY WILL CARE
– YOUR PENSION WILL BE SLASHED
– YOUR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES WILL BECOME FOREIGN
– WE WON’T HAVE THE HORSERACE BETTING LEVY APPEAL TRIBUNAL
Oh yeah, and we almost forgot:
We don’t mind telling you, folks, we’re having second thoughts. Please let us know of any other perils we may have missed, so we can reach a mature, informed and above all positive decision before continuing with the site.
You forgot the equally important, but mutually contradictory, ‘Scotland will be forced to join the Euro’!
link to newstatesman.com
Note the comparison to Kosovo for good measure.
Politicians and the media usually go on about the ‘balkanisation’ of the UK, a not so subtle implication that independence would lead to genocide as well. A rather perplexing notion given that Scotland is not exactly known for its political violence. Anybody would think they are just trying to defend the status quo. On a serious note, I wonder when the law of diminishing returns will kick in on these blatant scare stories, given we still have two years to go to the referendum?
Passport controls could be required at Scotland’s border with England if it becomes independent in order to comply with EU law
link to dailymail.co.uk
– “Scotland could end up making North Korea look like a beacon of free enterprise”
That’s one of my favourites.
link to dailyrecord.co.uk
I’m voting yes on the condition that that last one is a constitutional requirement.
That the BBC Hogmanay show will not be shown in England.
Having been in London when the Edinburgh Agreement was signed, apart from it appearing on the BBC News and a few paragraphs in the Evening Standard most people in London don’t really care.
Doh, I forgot “You’ll need a passport to go to Garelochhead”.
link to local.stv.tv
Added.
It’s all over already, folks, judging by the ‘incredibly successful’ Better Together campaign day run recently in Drumchapel:
link to annemctaggart.co.uk
I trust everyone has noticed that this luminary wants to ‘Keep Britain in the Union’!
@Rev Stu
O/T, I have just been reading Ian MacWhirter’s article in the Herald webpage, well worth a read. About the Lib Dems and the consequences of a No vote.
We won’t help you defend your borders in the event of a Faroese invasion.
I had a similar thought – but for a list dedicated to the outright lies (one liners and the little poisonous comments) that are propagated every day on TV, radio and in print.
The names of the usual suspects; Danny Alexander, Michael Moore, Johann Lamont, Willie Rennie, Ian Davidson the BBC etc etc etc would over time gather a nice little collection of bullshit wholly attributed to them.
Statements which may qualify could be those that are;
backed by no reference to publicly available facts or figures
presented as fact but are purely hypothetical and can not be answered until a later date
patent lies or nonsense
personal and insulting
utterly patronising to the nation and its inhabitants
‘catch phrases’ deployed to avoid answering tricky questions
Would be a helpful little aide memoire when looking through the CV’s post independence.
Could even be published as a childrens book along the lines of a morality tale to teach the little kiddies that there are scary crawlatitions and spurnalists out there that will say anything for personal gain at the expense of future generations….
You will lose your pension.
Alex Salmond will be crowned King Alexander IV of Scotland (that’s the real reason he supports retaining the principle of monarchy).
In case folk haven’t seen the MacWhirter article Muttley is talking about, here’s the link:
link to heraldscotland.com
He’s on form in this one – he must be in a good mood today.
There will be no blue in the Union Flag any more is a quite surreal offering from a very efficient 3 scare stories for the price of 1 effort in The Herald….
I particularly liked the “Scots abroad will be more likely to have thier children abducted” story. Really? I think the point they are trying to make is Scots won’t have embassies to help them if the worst happens, but I think it was when that italian ship sank that I remember a journalist being glad of his Dual citizenship because The IRISH (You know, that other nation that’s too wee too poor and too stupit) are much better at bringing back thier citizens in time of need than “GREAT” Brittain is.
And Swellos article in the Herald, I only read the headline, but we are experiencing Cuts NOW! THis story is definate cuts verses the likelihood of cuts! No difference at all really and if we get all the oil probably smaller cuts anyway!
Okay. I’m away for a nice quiet walk until I calm down again…
I think the SNP should start releasing their own scare stories but make them so ridiculous that it will show this nonsense for what it is.
“Sturgeon calls for A1 upgrade to cope with Scots fleeing south after Yes vote”
“Alex Salmond invites North Korean government officials to Edinburgh to discuss ‘best practice’ in creating a one-party state”
“John Swinney asks B&Q to increase stocks of wheelbarrows to help Scots with transporting cash after post-Indy hyperinflation”
I’m sure you can all think of more, funnier examples.
I suspect that we might need to come up with a Poe’s Law equivalent (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe's_law) for Unionists, whatever parody you come up with someone will say something more ridiculous and actually mean it.
I do not know how you could have missed the real horror threat to our five year olds of the rendition of their beloved pandas, “Sunshine” and “Sweetie” to a barbed wire compound south of the border for waterboarding, should their mummies and daddies vote for independence.
link to mirror.co.uk
NO MEANS NO. No maybe, no jam tomorrow, no devomax, not even devoplus. NO MEANS NO.
Reading MacWhirter’s article today has finally made me realise how important a Yes vote is. As I thought (feared) we would bottle it, I suppose I hoped that if it was very close, say No 52% to 48% Yes, that this would weaken the legitimacy of the union, as almost 50% do not support it, and the No parties would have to come up with something to appeal to the Yes voters. I guess that was just wishful thinking on my part.
“I do not know how you could have missed the real horror threat to our five year olds of the rendition of their beloved pandas”
Magnificent work. Added.
BBC’s Tim Reid tweets:
“Tory Lord Forsyth says peers may not approve crucial Section 30 order for #indyref until they’ve seen question SG plans to ask voters”
crazy photo man!
In today’s Herald Kevin Ferrie refers to “Uncle Tom” syndrome “… where Celtic sportswriters seem to be overly harsh on players from their own country in order to portray themselves as objective in the eyes of the English media.”
Is he interpreting MSM editorial policy too narrowly?
>100
We’ll all rot in hell!
OT. Did anyone read IDS’s masterplan to ban those on benefits buying fags and booze? Actually not a bad idea as that would effect circa 70%? of Orange Order members/supporters.
You might have to pay more taxes, not receive the best of the cuts we have in mind for you and be forced to live in a more socially responsible society.
This one “If vote for Indy it’s forever” you can’t rejoin the UK.
You’d go into an ever-deepening spiral of debt, and be unable to sustain your NHS, police, welfare, or defence, and you’d be at the mercy of international corporations and speculators……no, wait, that’s rUK.
I think we should bang our heads together & come up with a new version of a “Parcel of Rogues” Get it out there into internet-land
As I have been tracking a ew straw polls recently I thought I’d do an Arbroathian 1320 version of the “poll of polls” to prove that what Stu says is exactly correct, we’re all doomed if we vote YES in 2014. So here goes.
The Scotsman
YES 65%
NO 35%
NO Scotland
YES 89.62%
NO 10.38%
Telegraph
YES 55.1%
NO 44.9%
STV
YES 91%
NO 7%
Daily Mail
YES 62%
NO 38%
Using the well recognised Arbroathian 1320 method of calculation I have deduced the following:
The percentage of people wanting Scottish Independence is 72.54%
The percentage of people not wanting Scottish Independence is 27.05%
I have omitted some results from these polls concentrating just on the straight YES/NO answers and as we can all see we are sunk without trace, Scottish Independence is doomed!
I guess we’d better just call the whole referendum thingy off.
In terms of alternative quotes to counter the unionist claims I don’t think we could do any worse than to paraphrase Margaret Curran from her participation in the Scotland Tonight programme on Monday night.
“Vote YES in 20124 and devolution is dead, dead I tell you.”
Usually I just don’t bother to read those trashy scare stories as they make me either laugh or seethe, or some combination of the two! But just for today I’ve made an exception since the Rev has been good enough to put together some of the finer efforts!
So, first up, that opener from Alex Jaconelli, the cancer one, is absolutely incredible. To use his own cancer scare to create a scaremongering story about Scotland post-independence is despicable and takes the MSM’s smearing of the 2014 referendum to new depths.
I’m surprised they didn’t create a story about a child who is guaranteed to die from a disease/illness unless the people of Scotland vote No!
These ‘journalists’ are a disgrace to their trade. (Of course, there’re those who think they can cover their arses with the “It’s just my personal opinion on my blog/etc.”they come out with if questioned.) May their lies and smears come back to haunt them for the rest of their ‘careers’.
Further down the page, the entry from Eddie Bone is another cracker! [Sigh!]
link to huffingtonpost.co.uk
I’m just looking forward to the white paper. The ace up the Yes camp’s sleeve is reality.
When people vote in 2014, they will know everything that they are voting for (currency, EU, defence…), confirmed by all external parties (EU, BoE, NATO etc) before anyone goes to the polls. It could not be any other way – that would be crazy (no £ = UK oil supply shut off as just one example). It will not be any other way – we all witnessed the amicable signing of the first stage the other day.
All major uncertainties will be gone (or at least it will come down to the basic long term economic uncertainties of the union or any other country). What will the unionists have left in their arsenal then? A positive case for the union?
As I crawl out from under my duvet and gingerly sip a steaming hot lemsip, it occurs to me that rather a lot of us have been infected with a cold this week. Do you think it’s a unionist plot to keep us all away from the SNP conference?
Think you’ve hit on something there Jeannie…get well soon though.
My biggest fear about our separation from the bosom of the UK is that I end up with Donald Trump hair.
I was thinking these really are weird political times in Scotland. We have our first ever referendum on independence in two years’ time, the unionists are acting like they have already lost. At the same time they are continually bringing up the polls. The SNP are starting their main annual conference, while the BBC look like they will screen a debate that appears to have only one representative from the independence side, against apparently 5 opponents, including the most vociferous unionist journalist. To add to this there appears to be no comment from the Yes campaign about this. Seriously, WTF is going on?…Confused.com
Every time someone votes YES, God kills a kitten!
Well here are yet another few reasons why we will lose the vote in 2014.
You know it makes sense to stick with the U.K., Independence just will not save us at all.
link to telegraph.co.uk
link to newsnetscotland.com
link to newsnetscotland.com
I mean come on now how can we possibly leave the U.K. knowing that these poor Westminster politicians are going to need every penny they can scrape together to pay them their miniscule pay and benefits!
@Morag
I though it was a fairy dying every time someone says they don’t believe in the union.
Muttley
“the unionists are acting like they have already lost”
For the reasons I specified above. They know that much of their scare story arsenal will be gone quite soon from now and well ahead of the vote. What we will be voting for will be very well defined come referendum day. Very little uncertainty if any.
Now this is a fact, if we have independence you will have to learn gaelic before you can get a council job. Honest it’s true, ask any labour supporter.
Sorry Davy I can’t do that, ask any Labour supporter, they’re kind of thin on the ground these days.
@scottish skier
I though it was a fairy dying every time someone says they don’t believe in the union.
No, that was a FERRY dying every time someone says the don’t believe in the union. Hence, Orkney, Shetland and the Western Isles will feel compelled to vote No.
England will be flooded by illegal immigrants … from Scotland!
link to dailymail.co.uk
The following raciest diatribe against Scotland and the Scots was allowed to be printed in the Daily Mail in October, 2011. It is a fucking disgrace.:
link to dailymail.co.uk
“England will be flooded by illegal immigrants … from Scotland!”
Fantastic. Added.
“in the Daily Mail in October, 2011”
Don’t worry – I’ve had that one on file for some time, alongside a collection of similar efforts, waiting for the right moment…
More outright racism and outright hatred that passes for ‘journalism’ from the UK MSM, this time from Steve Doughty:
link to dailymail.co.uk
Vote for independence … and ye wull thro’ folk oan the dole like me. a Westmeenster Scottish MP. Where wull i find a new trough at ma age? Puir dead selfish so ye ur.
Ma best pal Maggie Curran says we huv big decisions tae make. Aye an’ she means you tae. jist you watch her on BBC QT the night, she’ll tell ye “we huv big decisions tae make’. She’s ayeways saying it.. its her mantra, or sumthin. It fair scare s me so it dis when she says it -an’ her eyes cross.
The following is from Caity Weaver who writes on Gawker.
According to her, Scottish 16 year-olds are “babies” and “… probably too high on a lot of drugs to vote anyway.”!
Oh yes, Scotland is a “…nation of five million people that no-one can understand.”
And, the SNP has to …”convince Scottish people that Scotland is the new Sweden, a tiny sexy country…” where everything “is made of candy.”
And, “Should they succeed, the most TV-friendly option would be for the United Kingdom to deny their claim to independence, ..”
Seems like a lovely lady!!
link to gawker.com
I’m surprised ‘Buckfast Abbey monks will stop exporting to Scotland’ hasn’t been a headline yet. Or maybe it has, just after the ‘Your cock will fall off if you vote Yes’ headline.
I think the Scotsman’s ‘No wind for 40 years’ article merits a mention..
link to scotsman.com
There is a list here which might help.
link to newsnetscotland.com
Thi might help; http://thescottishscaremonger.blogspot.co.uk/
One of the best I heard was from Janet Street Porter who said it would be messy, ‘we would have different stamps’ FFS
I thought you may like this one:
Independence for Scotland is part of a EU conspiracy against the UK
Ochone, “The Huff Guff” ventilating.
Splendid.
We won’t get the Changing of the Guards on TVG
Will we not be forced to drive on the right side of the road,as driving on the left is only a british opt-out and we wont be in the british isles anymore.
Training Day says:
18 October, 2012 at 6:11 pm
I think the Scotsman’s ‘No wind for 40 years’ article merits a mention..
link to scotsman.com
Shame on The Scotsman!!
If only they had held on to this gem a bit longer they could have single handedly saved Comet with the inevitable rush in Scotland to buy tumble dryers.
In a separate Scotland all dissent will be crushed forever under the SNP jackboot as sinister dictator for life Alexei Salmond (and after his death his embalmed body) exercise sinister control of our institutions.
link to scotsman.com
We’ll turn on Pakistanis ? Wasn’t that what that lawyer heid-the-ba said ?
My apologies & completely O/T but I have been troubled lately about the incident some years ago with regard to the theft by Westminster claiming approx 3000 square miles of mineral rich Scottish waters while our backs were turned. I have a two fold question, on the 19/09/2014 once independence has been confirmed, will the Scottish government be making provision through the European courts (or by whatever medium) to have these waters reclaimed ??
2. If they could manage to have done this, then what else could they be doing at this very moment to further hurt the Scottish nation while we are concentrating on winning our independence. I really do have a deep anxiety about what is being put in place now by a totally corrupt London government.
Bill Tohill,
Bill it was actually 6,000sq miles,from Berwick on Tweed to as high as Carnoustie, then east from there. I do not know nor can I find the answer, what I do know is that it was behind closed doors just before the Scottish Parliament was opened.It was not made public as far as I know and is rarely spoken about. Those involved included Tony Blair, Henry McLeish, Donald Dewar and perhaps un named others.
It was theft, with no legal backing internationally. It was hidden from Scots at the time and the papers relating to it are, as far as I know, still not made public.
So You, I and I imagine 90% of Scots would like to get all the answers.
On another issue, something else that is not spoken of is when Westminster “accidentally” put Antarctica in Scottish
control. That has also died a death, with no answers as to what happened next. There will be more……….
I laughed out loud on my way to work yesterday listening to ‘Lord Doom’ talking about the cataclysmic consequences of independence. I am still ‘astonished’ at their never ending talking down of Scotland and their insistence that if the world implodes it would be our fault for having the temerity of exercising our right of self-determination. More than ever I will say YES. Bring it on!
FACTS, FACTS, C’MON give me FACTS! oh look! a squirrel! . . .