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Natpocalypse now

Posted on December 17, 2013 by

We enjoyed this satirical piece on Buzzfeed today picturing how various world media outlets would handle the end of civilisation via a double meteor strike/zombie virus catastrophe. We’ve pinched some of their UK examples for illustrative purposes, and added a couple of our own at the end.

zombieguardian

Have a go! It’s easy* and fun!

zombiemail

zombietimes

zombietelegraph

zombieexpress

zombieherald

zombiescotsman

*idiotically time-consuming and laborious.

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    69 to “Natpocalypse now”

    1. Scott Minto (Aka Sneekyboy) says:

      LOVE IT!

    2. TheGreatBaldo says:

      Pah obviously fakes…..;-)
       
      There’s no ‘SALMOND ACCUSED…’ headline as The Scotsman lead…….

    3. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

      “Pah obviously fakes…..;-)
      There’s no ‘SALMOND ACCUSED…’ headline as The Scotsman lead…….”

      I used “Salmond accused” for the Herald one!

    4. Macart says:

      Nice one. 😀

    5. velofello says:

      I heard, from a source, that Hothersall shelters are available for protection against a Natpocalypse. Impenetrable I was told.

    6. Name (required) says:

      *idiotically time-consuming and laborious.
      but that’s why we all love you so much stu

      tongue out of cheek
      Its the effort expended that makes this place worth the reading

    7. Hazel Lewry says:

      Well done … there’s an afternoon you’ll never get back – but it made us smile! 😀

    8. Jamie Arriere says:

      Salmond accused of betraying the world as asteroids spare Bute House
       
      or
       
      Edinburgh trams suffer another setback

    9. david martin says:

      The Herald feels truly authentic! l

    10. cadgers says:

      Thank you, made me smile…….. actually. laugh out loud

    11. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

      “Edinburgh trams suffer another setback”

      Dammit, wish I’d thought of that one 😀

    12. Les Wilson says:

      Oh well, it is nice to lighten up a bit ! Not been much to laugh at for a few days, this helps !

    13. Extreme0 says:

      The herald say that the temperature is 5.9°C and the weather is a cloud.

      So it’s a very mild apocalypse then.

    14. Alba4Eva says:

      Yes Scotland crowdfund has just reached 100%  🙂

    15. Extreme0 says:

      @Caesar!4Eva
      “Yes Scotland crowdfund has just reached 100%  :)”
      Truly it is the Apocalypse…for one side at least.

    16. Murray McCallum says:

      Would they still try and collect the BBC license fee though?

    17. Linda's back says:

      Natpocalypse now in Brian Wilson’s latest defence of UK austerity cuts
      http://archive.is/jNpkW

    18. Les Wilson says:

      O/T Yes campaign now funded and standing at 101% 10.45pm Tues.

    19. Paula Rose says:

      @ Ronnie – is that blooming true?

    20. Extreme0 says:

      The Express.
      “Mass amount of aliens are illegally living in UK: ruining our culture, speaking gibberish and taking our jobs and benefits.”

    21. Paula Rose says:

      Oh – obviously is

    22. Murray McCallum says:

      Wouldn’t it be typical if this happened after we had just qualified for a major football tournament.
       
      Mind you if we kept our team in a bunker and were the only team to turn up we could maybe be runners up or something great like that. Eh?

    23. Extreme0 says:

      @Murray Mcallum
      “Wouldn’t it be typical if this happened after we had just qualified for a major football tournament.”

      Scotland qualifying would actually be something itself as a prophecy of the apocalypse.

    24. HandandShrimp says:

      LOL
       
      Wilson is talking about the common sense speech that Lamont made last year…the one that she had erased from the records.
       
      Poor Brian – so out of touch he probably wishes that Labour could do something simple and positive like back Sarah Palin and invade Iraq.

    25. dinnatouch says:

      I used “Salmond accused” for the Herald one!
       
      A Gardham headline?

    26. Derek says:

      Did anyone get as far as the Shipping Forecast on the Buzzfeed page, incidentally? It’s quite good (although incomplete).

    27. Ian Brotherhood says:

      Never mind the apocalypse, here’s some REAL news – Jim Murphy is mad as hell, and he’s not going to take it any more!
       
      http://archive.is/87A5Q
       
      He’s had enough of personal attacks by vile anonymous Cybernats, and, dammit, as God Almighty be his witness, he’s going to, wait for it, he’s going to…delete them!
       
      So there!

    28. Doug Daniel says:

      If Paul Sinclair became a zombie, FMQs could be quite interesting. Johann stands up and reads her lines for the day:
       
      “To ask the first minister if urrrgghh bleuuurghh arrrgghh huuuummmmaaaaannn.”

    29. HandandShrimp says:

      Well I have never abused Jim Murphy. He has never said anything that I felt that moved about. He seemed too impressed by aircraft carriers to be healthy but that is his problem…just like being punted to shadow overseas aid…
       
      was that abusive? 🙂

    30. Ian Brotherhood says:

      @Doug Daniel –
       
      Salmond’s so used to her, he’d probably just stand up as usual, finger his left eyebrow, and say ‘Matters of importance to the zombies of Scotland.

    31. Jamie Arriere says:

      “Edinburgh trams suffer another setback”
      Dammit, wish I’d thought of that one 
       
      Yeah, OK, didn’t see the one with the hellish monsters…(did they arrive on the asteroids? In which case, are the asteroids actually mass transit vehicles for hellish monsters? So the apocalypse is actually an intergalactic tram crash?)
       
      “Edinburgh destroyed by tram crash”

    32. Ian Brotherhood says:

      BREAKING: ‘Scottish Parliament evacuated amidst panic and carnage as Jackie Baillie eats Iain Gray, and most of Malcolm Chisholm.’

    33. Andrew Morton says:

      Daily Mail
       
      “Immigrant Zombies push up house prices”

    34. HandandShrimp says:

      O/T a bit
       
      I was a fan of the Better Together St Kilda page and the humourless bell ends at Better Together have not only had Facebook take down the site twice but somehow convinced Facebook that the Likes on the page belong to them which is why I found I liked Better Together this morning. I am not particularly pleased but it does show exactly what kind of people we are dealing with here. This isn’t just about political differences. These people really are evil zombies.

    35. Better Together St Kilda says:

      @ HandandShrimp
       
      Look here
       
      https://www.facebook.com/SilencedbyBetterTogether

    36. Jock McDonnell says:

      Remember, Stu, Salmond accused headlines are free & can be used often & repeatedly without any further justification. Don’t waste time on thinking, just pick the first horrible notion that pops into yer heid & preface it with Salmond Accused for a quick, cheap but slightly dishonest win.

    37. Thepnr says:

      It’s quiet now so O/T
       
      Scottish independence: Treasury tears white paper”
       
      Just a teeny wee teer mind. Nicola Sturgeon:
       
      She said: “Danny Alexander’s figures are all over the place. In September, the No campaign were claiming a funding gap of £32bn, by last month that had shrunk to £10bn, and now they are saying it is £1.6bn. All these figures are wrong, but at this rate even the No campaign will be predicting a healthy surplus by the time the referendum arrives.”

    38. ronnie anderson says:

      AM no a cybermat JIM Murphy, Am a FREEDOM FIGHTER, on the WING .

    39. Thepnr says:

      Nice one ronnie, I’d be yer rear gunner 🙂

    40. Chic McGregor says:

      METEOR CAUSES FLOODING
      The rise in sea level associated with the melting of polar ice caused by the impact of the meteor last week continues to reek havoc around the World.

      Millions Drown in England
      Millions of English refugees have drowned in a failed attempt to get into newly independent Scotland.  
      The UN has pleaded with the Westminster Government, currently sitting in a large inflatable tethered to the top of Nelson’s Column, to:
       
      “Grow up, and remove the England-Scotland Border controls they put in place, immediately.”
       
      Many agree that their refusal to relax this policy has indeed greatly exacerbated the loss of life.
       
      Meanwhile a spokesman for the Scottish Government said:
       
      “They are still maintaining that there is nowhere around the English coast where they can put Trident submarines.  As far as we can see, they can put them anywhere they like in England now.”
       
      Europe
      Herman Van Rompuy, Jose Manuel Barroso and Mariano Rajoy have signed a joint declaration which reads:

      Low lying European countries which have recently been submerged by the disaster, a disaster which was not of EU making by the way, cannot simply assume that they can automatically be reclassified as ‘Sea Bed‘.   Such a redesignation will have to go through the proper procedures, which might take some considerable time, and can only then be acknowledged as such if UNCLOS agrees.”

    41. Norrie says:

      As we are having a laugh, here’s my take on Mr Murphy.
      http://norrie.wordpress.com/

    42. john king says:

      The Rev says
      “I used “Salmond accused” for the Herald one!”
       
      Of complacency?
      woo way to stick to the fuhrer rev,
      Alex is complacent?
      not really feeling the hate rev.
       

    43. john king says:

      “Tram makes its first Princes street trip is assailed by hellish monsters”
       
      That’s an awfy wiy tae talk aboot the blue rinse matrons of Corstorphine

    44. john king says:

      Extreme0 says
      “So it’s a very mild apocalypse then.”
       
      apocalypse lite maybe?
      ah’ll get ma noddy suit 🙁

    45. john king says:

      Doug Daniel says
      ““To ask the first minister if urrrgghh bleuuurghh arrrgghh huuuummmmaaaaannn.”
       
      So?
      usual JL speech then when do we get the punchline?

    46. Arabs for Independence says:

      O/T. Currently working in Malta and wondered if this article had interested MSM? It names ‘real’ Lockerbie bomber as an Egyptian. 
       
      http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20131217/local/-Real-Lockerbie-bomber-also-had-Malta-connection.499320#.UrFCkXi9K0d

    47. Juteman says:

      Fat Eck offers free University places to Zombies, but tells English students to pay up.

    48. Robert McDonald says:

      “Hellish monsters take over Glasgow City Council – No Change Noticed by Public”
      “Hellish monsters take over Glasgow City Council – Real Zombies lodge complaint”
      Good fun this 🙂

    49. Juteman says:

      Salmond accused of letting Scotland be swamped by zombies, due to his open door policy on immigrants.

    50. JLT says:

      Rev,
      Are you sure that the two you added look serious enough. I think Salmond is getting away with it very lightly here in your two clippings. Usually, if the FM is being blamed, the headlines ‘SCREEEEAM’ it!
      I would have expected a clipping more like, ‘Salmond revealed to be Mephistopheles, and that Scotland is being dragged off to hell’ (after all …the papers usually tell us that is what is going to happen to us anyway on a daily basis!)

      PS …I did this exact thing a few years ago with a colleague who was a Rangers Fan. Copied a BBC online webpage, added in photos of Paolo Maldini and Dennis Bergkamp; said that they had joined Rangers for £14 million pounds (this was in the year 2000). Copied and pasted into a Lotus Notes email, posted it to him, and boy …did he cream himself before realising it was all nonsense.

    51. Stuart Black says:

      Whoever did the Graun got it absolutely bang on! Superb. 😀
       
      Off topic, Ian Bell has wise words – as usual – over at the Herald, here.
      http://archive.is/cqVvR

    52. Derick Tulloch says:

      Class! Douglas Young over at Yes Shetland got a Liberal Zombiecrat questionnaire
      Q ‘what changes would you most like to see, locally?’
      A ‘my MP’

    53. gordoz says:

      O/T
      On Jim Murphy’s ‘Michael Douglas ; Falling Down’ moment  (more like the other guy – “Am I right or am I right” )   and the laughable comments  left by his few followers;
       
      (They dont sound like they actually live in Scotland though).
       
      Q: What would be in the mighty Jim’s briefcase ??

      a. A backbone
      b. A conscience
      c. Compromising picture’s of Mag’s Curran ‘cleaning the stairheid’ in a pinny

    54. Ian Brotherhood says:

      Famous food-bank opener Danny Alexander, just on GMS – shockingly, embarrassingly bad, reduced to having fake coughing fit AND pretending that he’d lost the radio link.

    55. Linda's Back says:

      Panto season in full swing at BBC GMS this morning regarding latest UK Treasury taxpayer funded report on independence claiming £1.7 billion black hole in White Paper proposals.
      Window Twanky Danny Alexander claiming that under UK  cuts in Corporation tax  Good under Independent Scotland Bad. Extra Childcare provision UKOK but a black hole for Scotland.
      When asked about Osborne having to barrow money and increase debt to pay for economic policies Widow Twanky chocked and said he didn’t hear the question which was not pursued by the BBC.

    56. joe kane says:

      QT expert panellists asked by an audience member what future the UK has as a world power given the news that the Soviet Union has just launched 50,000 Megatons of nuclear warheads against Britain which are due to arrive in four and a half minutes –
      Not the Nine O’Clock News Question Time 
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVGFh5bnB7I

    57. Malc says:

      Danny Alexander’s performance was dire.  Obvious he was lying ,  coughing and stuttering ,  even shouting over the interviewer.  Loved it when she asked him what black hole was correct the £32B , £10B or the new £1.6B.  He started stuttering etc and said there were many of them. How do these idiots ever get where they are ,  you would think they had enough braincells to think ,  how can I blag this rubbish.  

    58. Morag says:

      reduced to having fake coughing fit AND pretending that he’d lost the radio link.
       
      Ah, you thought so too?  Interesting….

      Right at the moment he was asked why he hadn’t factored in Scottish government borrowing, after it was pointed out that the UK government borrows like a mother-of-ten in mid December.

    59. gordoz says:

      Far more scary than these fuax headlines guys –
      Try going out for Xmas lunch for a laugh with work colleagues and being confronted by the very worst of Brit/Scot naesayers – (The most vociferous of No’s)

      They could not wait to bring it up –

      3 Def No’s (scots)
      2 Def YES  (1 scot  & 1 english)
      2 Undecided (1 scot  & 1 english)
      The 3 No’s rabbited on as follows –

      – Salmond hates England and the english

      – The white paper is a joke and just doesn’t add up

      -Salmond looks like Shrek

      – Why change partnership that is working so well ? Look at the Olympics  

      – Nicola Sturgeon is worse than Salmond ( most surprising)

      Luckily English guys just looked on bemused before one piped up “Well think you’re  way off line over Salmond & Sturgeon … Im voting YES for my kids who have grown up here in Scotland and would probably disown me if I did otherwise”
       
      When I asked if they had read the ‘white paper’, the reply was they had read the press comments and seen the news on TV (BBC & Newsnight). They felt the whole episode was a Salmond stunt and made Scotland look stupid. I asked why it got International coverage then ? They said the WP was rebuffed as a manifesto style political stunt the same day, full of fuss and nonesense with no real UK govt figures. (It was in the Herald and the Scotsman after all)

      So I suggested they take advantage of obtaining a free copy of WP (as I had done and only got copy on Monday ) and even to date I was only a 3rd of the way through it but was more and more persuaded the further I read. ( Slight fib as Im a YES anyway)

       
      Also asked what the No campaign policies after a No vote were and was met with; No change everything the same and successful as now ? We don’t need change because Labour will get things back on track and its Britain that matters really; too wee, too poor, too stupid etc, etc (?).

      Funilly enough the English guys & the undecided Scot looked as perplexed as me with such answers. As you can imagine the party (?) broke up shortly after and we went our ‘seperate ways’ (no pun intended).

       
      Undecided Englishman came with us, (still a work in progress) undecided Scot went with other party ( but then to be fair that group included his partner).

       
      Naive ? Should have seen this coming & might have handled it better / will be ready in future though.

      The things we endure for the cause.
       

    60. Training Day says:

      Alexander was pathetic right enough, but he was still allowed to make the unchallenged claim that the IFS is an independent body.

      His vacuous soundbite about sending cabinet colleagues packing if they came to him with figures like those of the SG was then afforded final word on the BBC news.

      But we do now know he’s ‘all in favour of childcare’. I started welling up at that point.

    61. gordoz says:

      Still reminds me of ‘Beaker’ every time I see or hear him
       
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnT7pT6zCcA

    62. Ian Brotherhood says:

      Here’s the link to GMS
      http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b03kkkwx
       
      The package starts at 2.10.00, Alexander comes in a 2.10.42, the meltdown is at 2.18.50.

    63. gordoz says:

      Thanks for that Ian B

      Whats he like ? and the blurb guff at the end; very poor stuff as a rebuttal.

    64. Ian Brotherhood says:

      He is a bell-end.
       
      Standing with a bunch of old dears, inserting a packet of cereal into bag-for-life while smiling – that’s his forte. Anything more complicated is a bridge too far.

    65. Alan Mackintosh says:

      @Arabs for independence
      Interesting article. Yes i knew about this, the link between PFLP-GC. As i recall it was Achmed Jibril involved as well. The lockerbie investigation looked at this scenario for the first couple of years and then changed tack and went after Libya. Intersting to note that Abu Talb was paid $400K to testify against Megrhi and given immunity. Now living in Sweden…

    66. TootsCapoot says:

      Stuart Black at 7.40am

      Thanks for the link to the Ian Bell article Stuart.  It was a great piece.  The fact that these growing problems and disparities are so obvious and have such a direct impact on folk does make you wonder just how masochistic some have to be to still vote no.

      I realise there’s a whole data set out there who vote against their own interests due to having low/no information or interest, or worse, being reflexive generational drone voters, but there comes a tipping point when, surely, even they have to realise that Indy is our best (indeed only) hope going forward.



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