The doomsayers and the damage done
Earlier today we reported on the latest misery-laden assessment from business leaders about how Scottish independence would damage the economy, cause milk to curdle in the bottle, spread plague in the rat-infested slums and see Craig Levein return as national team manager. Just for fun, we thought we’d dig out some of the other things that business leaders have told us would bring untold gloom and catastrophe crashing down on our heads over the last couple of decades.
Scottish devolution will damage the economy.
People being off work sick will damage the economy.
People going to work while sick will damage the economy.
People having paid lunch breaks will damage the economy.
People not having lunch breaks will damage the economy.
People going to the toilet in work hours will damage the economy.
The minimum wage will damage the economy.
Increasing the minimum wage will damage the economy.
Workers having basic employment rights will damage the economy.
Increasing wages for POOR people will damage the economy.
NOT increasing wages for RICH people will damage the economy.
The World Cup will damage the economy.
Letting people have a day off in summer will damage the economy.
The royal wedding will damage the economy.
The diamond jubilee will damage the economy.
Christmas will damage the economy.
Andy Murray will damage the economy.
Israel attacking Iran will damage the economy.
“Cyber crime” will damage the economy.
Trying to defeat “cyber crime” will damage the economy.
People driving too fast will damage the economy.
People not driving fast enough will damage the economy.
People missing meetings will damage the economy.
People being in meetings will damage the economy.
Complying with cookie law will damage the economy.
Immigrant squirrels will damage the economy.
People using Facebook will damage the economy.
People using Twitter will damage the economy.
People working too hard will damage the economy.
Things we don’t even understand will damage the economy.
A lack of social housing will damage the economy.
Building new social housing will damage the economy.
Wet weather will damage the economy.
Sunny weather will damage the economy.
Cold weather will damage the economy.
Fighting climate change will damage the economy.
Not fighting climate change will damage the economy.
Renewable energy will damage the economy.
Fighting drug addiction will damage the economy.
Not fighting drug addiction will damage the economy.
People dying will damage the economy.
People staying alive will damage the economy.
Slashing care budgets will damage the economy.
Slashing science budgets will damage the economy.
Trying to fix the economy will damage the economy.
To be honest, readers, we’re surprised we still have an economy at all. If anyone can find any more dangers to the economy, let us know so we can warn the poor unsuspecting public before it’s too late. You can’t be too scared.
Worrying about the economy will damage the economy.
But piracy is killing music!
who’s economy are they talking about here?
Do they mean Osborne’s down the toilet economy?
OR
Do they mean Scotland’s future rising shining economy?
I think they mean the former, personally I’m looking forward to the later.
“You can’t be too scared.”
Surely this has to be their current motto.
“Better Together – You can’t be too scared.”
Writing blogs about things damaging the economy will damage the economy
If I go on a diet I will damage the economy so I won’t.
Just for fun….apparently saying “Ruth Davidson” damages the economy too.
Who mentioned the Ruthie?
My job is now at risk!
Home taping was killing music – and damaging the economy!
Osbourne told us that cold winter in 2010 damaged the economy.
Then he told us the sunny spring in 2011 had damaged the economy.
Then he told us uncertainty over Scotland was damaging the economy
Then he told us the Euro crisis was damaging the economy.
In fact, you could have given him a section of his own!
WTF is ‘the economy’ anyway?
As you must all well know (when you’re all finished being so obtuse,) there are only two things known to not damage the economy, they are: any royal event and olympic games (only when held in London though.)
Everything else damages the economy. Having an economy will damage the economy. Even if we chose not to have an economy at all, it would still damage the economy.
Great article, I’m still laughing. 10/10
Even being economical can damage the economy
Being economical with the truth doesn’t damage the economy.
Be ng eco omical with let ers da ages the econ my.
“Something for nothing damages the economy”
“Universal benefits damage the economy”
Rising house prices are damaging the economy!
Falling house prices are damaging the economy!
Maybe we’re better off without this pesky ‘economy’, seems an awfy fragile beast!
@ianbrotherhood
You’re right, ianbrotherhood – WTF is The Economy??????? Sounds like something that’s coming soon to a cinema near me. Don’t know what it is but it doesn’t sound like I’ll enjoy it.
The_Duke,
Bbeeiinngg uunneecoonnoommiiccaall wwiitthh lieetttteerrss aallssoo ddaammaaggeess tthhee eeccoonnoommyy.
If you add the letter B to the word ‘economy’, it is an anagram of ‘bollocks’.
Damn, i’ve probably damaged my bollocks by posting that.
@Juteman
Damn, i’ve probably damaged my bollocks by posting that.
Just so long as you didn’t damage the economy
Noah had the Ark of economic prosperity to a T , he floated stock whilst everything else went into liquidation.
Sometimes i simply have to laugh, Jeannie.
It’s so simple. Do you want yir ain fowk tae run your affairs, or do you want another country to do it for you?
Everything else is just a load of anagrams.
@Juteman
Couldn’t agree more!
Tomorrow’s laughingly titled Scotsman newspaper’s headline:
‘Salmond ‘accused‘ of ‘damaging’ economy’
Probably.
Here’s what I do know …
Geoffrey ‘Backstabbing’ Howe damaged the economy
Nigel ‘Sugar daddy’ Lawson damaged the economy
John ‘Grey Man’ Major damaged the economy
Norman ‘Green Shoots’ Lamont damaged the economy
Kenneth ‘Calamity’ Clarke damaged the economy
Gordon ‘Paw’ Brown damaged the economy
Alistair ‘Flipper’ Darling damaged the economy
George ‘Wallpaper’ Osborne damaged the economy
No prizes for pointing out what they all had in common.
Bairns, you’re on form the night!
In common?
It has to be either sex, cheeseburgers or cooking programmes?
O/T BBC news with a link to another Megrahi email story BUT currently a broken link 404 ? Odd?
20:22 its up now and more of the same pish
But the antithesis?
Taking part in illegal wars is good for the ecomomy.
Getting pally with crackpot Arabs who treat women like shite is good for the economy.
Lying through your British teeth is good for the economy.
Encouraging young Scots shot to volunteer and get shot in Afghanistan is good for the economy…and, ironically…
Dumping Christianity in favour of Islam is good for the economy.
Helping to replace tyrannical despotic fundamentalist Islamic regimes with even worse tyrannical and despotic fundamentalist Islamic regimes is good for the economy.
Owing the Chinese trillions of dollars is good for the economy.
Where do I stop?
I’m away out to damage the economy by walking my dug!
Been damaging the economy all evening. Friday after all.
In other news:
link to bbc.co.uk
Scottish newspaper see sales slump
Those are some huge drops. Wonder why that is…
Poor subbing here Scottish Skier:
“The Sunday Post saw its sales fall below a quarter of a million for the first time in living memory. Between October and November its sales dipped nearly 8% from 268,000 to just under 247,000.
Quality market
“The Sunday Mail also fell below a milestone. It dropped 5% in a month from 308,000 to 293,000.”
“George Osborne will ruin the Economy” is the headline that comes immediately to my mind.
“Gordon Brown RUINED the Economy” maybe
@juteman at 8.15
What? You mean they all have sex?
Together? Or singularly?
And if it’s singularly, you know what that makes them.
scottish_skier-
Thanks for that link. I didn’t know that The Herald doesn’t publish monthly sales figures – that seems astonishing. Can’t imagine I’d be too happy about that if I was a shareholder in whatever group owns them (perhaps they get to see them in private). Sad days for the so-called ‘quality’ press in our country, but can’t help feeling that now, even if they did a complete volte-face and started hailing AS as Oor Ain Moses, they’ve left it too late.
ian brotherhood
Herald redefined itself as a “regional” paper – in order to avoid the embarrassment of seeing their figures reported.
The economy is damaged by trains wasting time stopping for passengers.
Surely all the above is bollocks and only –
Business Leaders damage the economy.
BBC reports on the run up to Christmas and after the January sales
December 2011 “people are not spending enough–the Economy will be damaged”
January 2012 ” People over spent during the festive period-the economy is overheating and could be damaged”
Oldnat –
The Herald redefined itself as a ‘regional’ paper?
Ha!
Brilliant…they must regret dropping ‘Glasgow’ from their title now the plans for global domination seem thwarted. Quelle dommage…
“There shall be no more boom or bust” damages the economy.
Boom boom! I think I damaged my man-bust.
I find breaking wind damages the econ!!!!!!! mayday mayday, to late ?
If there’s anything we can rely on to damage the economy, it’s this:
link to bbc.co.uk
And what a stupid headline, i.e. adding ‘as part of UK’.
@scottish_skier 9:05 yesterday:
What’s amusing about the BBC story is how it avoids mentioning how papers like the Scotsman are getting to the point where they might soon be outsold by the Scottish editions of London papers.
Nearly all papers’ sales are declining, but the Scotsman is falling faster than most. In Scotland, it’s now outsold by the Telegraph and Times combined for the first time, and I suspect it won’t be long before a London paper (probably the Guardian or Telegraph) manages to outsell it individually.
So looking forward to seeing all those crap, lazy, spiteful excuses for journalists stacking shelves at ASDA!
What has ASDA ever done to you Max?
I am quite literally destroying the economy right now, having a roll and crispy bacon with big mug-o-tea.
fear me!
I’m old enough to remember the ‘I’m Backing Britain’ campaign in the 1960’s. People started to buy British made goods as opposed to foreign made goods. This included British made cars.
Harold Wilson, the British Prime Minister at the time (Labour), said that this was having a detrimental effect on the economy by damaging our exports. He then loaded an increase on the purchase tax (as I recall) of British made goods so as to discourage people from buying home manufactured goods and to encourage manufacturers to continue their exporting. The people were stunned; so much for British patriotism.
”What has been will be again. What has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” Ecclesiastes. ch. 1. verse 9.
Ronald Henderson
So am I old enough to remember the ‘I’m backing Britain’ in 1968. Another era where Union flags were everywhere. The campaign did have it moments when Robert Maxwell ran his ‘Buy British’ slogan. Only that was ridiculed as the t-shirts that he gave away were all made in Portugal. Badges made in Hong Kong. The 5 secretaries who started it in December 1967 I think they wish they hadn’t bothered as they started getting hate mail from union members who were being forced to work an extra half day for no pay.
You have forgotten the fine music that emerged from the ‘I’m Backing Britain” campaign:
link to youtube.com
Official theme tune for the Better Together campaign?
I know you like your football Stu, but is this a surprise?
link to bbc.co.uk
@Juteman …
ah the Traynorman finally gets the plum job at his spiritual home. One time leading the life of succulent lamb as the Daily Ranger’s Ibrox correspondent, he has earned his spurs for a promotion to Chapterhouse Govan as Director of Communications no less. All those years in the frozen wastes he can now put the feet up and increase the pension plan in his newly found comfort zone… he’s an Airdrie supporter you know!
@Amanayan. Nothing against ASDA. Just thought it would be nice for the ex-journos to do an honest days work on a wee person’s pay rate!
@Spout.
Thanks for the youtube clip. It’s hard to believe the crap that we were being fed, isn’t it?
Still are, come to think of it.
I’ve just had a look at the sales figures for the ‘Scottish’ newspapers. The adjective ‘plummeting’ doesn’t describe accurately what is happening to them. They really have got the wind up guys and they know that they are in deep doo-doo. They also know that it is all their own fault.
So let’s give ’em the final push to get them over the edge. Do not buy a so called Scottish newspaper tomorrow. You can live without it. If they want to come back from the abyss then all they have to do is start being fair and give the independence movement some decent reporting.
They don’t have to become arch-nationalist papers. We just want to be treated fairly. And we aren’t talking about the odd occasional column by an SNP MSP. We want proper fair coverage and no more lies.
If they refuse to change their ways (and I know they won’t) then we just continue to encourage more and more people to stop buying these bigoted rags.
Me personally, I’m impatient for their crash and burn.
and of course as anyone who read the Mccrone report knows the North Sea Oil revenues were to be so big as to damage an independent scottish economy.
Any collection of witless businessmen making stupid pronouncements can damage the economy.
Jake, if not handled properly the fluctuations in the continually rising oil price taxation dividends directly debited to the Scots treasury would naturally damage ‘the economy’.
Fightback:
I’d agree about the Scotsman, the sooner the better. It is trash, though it has the occasional good article buried away somewhere.
But the Herald does have a lot of good articles, it’s just that few of the pro-indy ones get given prominence or linked to from the main page – they have to be looked for. I think the Herald’s getting better, and is worth encouraging. It’s certainly better than any of the London press, or the BBC.
OT, but some truely bizarre comments on this article at Left Foot Forward!
link to leftfootforward.org
@Juteman – Hi Juteman I am having a right laugh with the author of that post on Left Foot Forward. He is truly losing the plot calling me and others right wing fanatics etc. simply because we support independence. I am not sure what he about, ( i.e. is he the full box of chocolates?), but it is one way to pass a dreary Sunday afternoon!
I noticed yours and Peter Bells comments.
Definately a chip short of a fish supper there!
If the chap called newsbot is indeed one and the same as the author, one James [Hallwood] who is the the Secretary of the Young Fabians. and the Project Manager of The Constitution Society then it is a tad more worrying than I thought!
The full title of that blog is, apparently:
Left Foot Forward | Evidence-based political blogging
Which is not what it looks like to me.
I am kind of hoping they are not the same person!
It is worrying Douglas. His ‘debate’ is more of a demented rant.
@Douglas – He claims he is not the fellow you mention
@Juteman – chip supper analogy was brilliant
I’m away back to see what he is calling me now.
Thanks for the link Juteman – I have had a look at the piece and skipped quickly to the comments. Odd how desperate he is to associate ‘nationalists’ as right wing – clearly in denial of the facts surrounding Labours political position either north or south of the border.
If you click on the authors name at the top of the page it brings up his Twitter account. He is indeed the author of the piece. His last tweet confirms this.
link to twitter.com
I would merely highlight that it was me that asked whether he might care to clarify if he and James were one and the same.
We can now all be reassured that they are not.
I am somewhat relieved to discover that he is not James Hallwood, who could still do the honourable thing and retract the article.
Adrian B,
James Hallwood has made no attempt to defend the piece in the BTL comments. It is some other chap called ‘newsbot’ that has done that. I would like to think that the standard of that web-site, however loosely associated with the Fabians, would at least attempt to keep the tone of the debate above that of the Scotsman.
Just as a by the way, they rarely get many responses at all to their op-ed, as far as I can see it’s about 2/3 typically. That thread is now running at 51 posts!
Have we just been trolled on someone else’s web site?
Just saying.
douglas clark,
Sorry for not directing the authors name at you directly. I have been trying to multitask while making last comment.
The authors link is to James Hallwood’s twitter account. Nothing to suggest that he is newsbot9.
Thanks for being more alert than me.
What a bizarre item that newsbot 9 is. I hope it doesn’t mind me correcting its claims about Denmark, Germany & France being major oil producers.
Just read the comments by newsbot. Seams to be him that is extreme, he criticisies people for abuse, and then calls Salmond “Dear Leader!”
Adrian B,
No worries. I am the subject of this cartoon:
The ‘being wrong’ bit, I mean.
Oh well, that was a fail too,
try this:
link to xkcd.com
Nice link douglas,
You’re not the only one that the cartoon links too.
Yep… been there, done that.
Sorry for being O/T but thought folks might be interested in this over on Auld Acquaintance. Here is yet another fine example of Westminster working in the best interests of Scotland……I don’t think so! Nice to see Westminster using Scotland as yet another testing ground.
link to auldacquaintance.wordpress.com
As I’ve asked throughout the day in various places, “Could this turn into another Poll Tax Protest Mark II moment?”
Jake at 9.50pm yesterday mentions the McCrone report 1974 with follow up from Braco – I hope this link works but some interesting data today from Frankly who I read avidly – link to rueclementmarot.blogspot.co.uk …. more crushing news for the Independent Scotland economy? Well, well well?
I’ve just had a peek at the SNP website and checked out their twitter comments. Angus Roberston and Nicola Sturgeon blethering on about some article or other in the Scotland on Sunday. They seem to want us to read it.
Do they actually suggest that we go out and buy that unionist rag? All it does is slag off the independence movement and insult the Scots.
Just because they publish one article by one reporter doesn’t mean that we should all go out and buy the damned thing. I’d rather sprinkle sand on my chips than give a single penny to that bloody awful paper.
Honestly, what’s in SNP’s minds? Are they naive? The Scotsman and Scotland on Sunday have got to go down the drain. And the sooner the better.
Fightback A few peeks at the Scotsman pages are not going to make much difference, they’re going down and there aint nothin’ stoppin’ that fact!!
Can it really be possible that the week after more austerity was announced that the MOD announce the purchase of a new £1.2BN submarine called HMS Audacious….someone really has a great sense of humour in Whitehall.
On the subject of what might damage the economy, Michael Moore! His comments (reported in the Herald) will surely cause potential investment to be held back ‘just in case’! He is doing his best to be proved right; Independence will damage the economy. Yup, Michael, with you out there, ‘fighting our corner’ I expect us to become a Third World War zone fairly quickly!
O/T – Breaking news – Barroso saying new states would have to reapply for EU membership !
The interview. carried out for the BBC’s ‘hardtalk’ news programme is being covered on the BBC website here:
link to bbc.co.uk
Reading through it, it’s still pretty vague. The interviewer wants to talk specifically about Scotland, but Barroso replies in ‘general’ terms.
I think this is good because I believe they will want us more than Scotland will want them.
It just proves the left hand ain’t talking to the right hand. It appears the chance of getting a straight answer from the EU, never mind a definitive one, is nil.
O/T. @Rev Stu. Read an article in the Herald. Darling again claims that independence would be irrevocable. He also says he did not expect the referendum to ever happen. Surely that is an admission of failure? The headline and article say:
Darling: independence decision will be irrevocable
Alistair Darling, the leader of the pro-UK Better Together campaign, has said he never expected Scotland to face a referendum on independence.
Mr Darling said Scots were now weighing up the biggest decision of their lives – and the historic 2014 poll was a world away from electing a government for “four or five years”.
He told an audience in Glasgow: “The constitutional issue has been around all my lifetime.
“I always put the referendum under the heading ‘would never happen’. I thought he (First Minister Alex Salmond) would find a reason not to have it.”
He added: “We are not voting in two years’ time for the next government. This time we are voting for something that’s once and for all, it’s irrevocable. We can’t go back. We are not in October 2014 electing a government that will simply be around for four or five years.”
His comments were designed to counter the SNP’s growing emphasis on independence as a means of preventing Conservative rule in Scotland.
In a speech in the same Strathclyde University venue on Monday, Deputy First Minister Nicola Sturgeon appealed to natural Labour supporters with what she described as the “pragmatic” case for leaving the UK.
Mr Darling said belonging to the larger UK economy, family and cultural ties and greater global influence were at the heart of Better Together’s case for the Union.
He joked: “I know the sports commentator problem. It’s exasperating. But I’m not going to let any sports commentator persuade me to make a decision about my country I’d bitterly regret.”
The former chancellor admitted the Labour government he served was at fault over banking regulation during tough questioning from an audience made up of both Yes and No supporters.
He said it was a “profound mistake” not to rein in the banks in the years before the 2008 crash but stressed the UK was able to bail out RBS and HBOS, which were brought to the brink of collapse by “decisions taken in Edinburgh”.
He also criticised Alex Salmond for encouraging RBS’s catastrophic takeover of Dutch bank ABN Amro.