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Never the twain shall meet

Posted on March 27, 2013 by

A keen-eyed viewer alerts us to the alarming fact that the Herald appears to have been letting Magnus Gardham write its leader column with his crayons again:


(Online version since fixed, print version preserved for posterity.)

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46 to “Never the twain shall meet”

  1. McHaggis says:

    I pointed this out in a submitted comment that has not been published (quelle surprise)…
    how can ANYONE write a political opinion piece that can be taken seriously and include the likes of this?

  2. MajorBloodnok says:

    “East is east and west is west, but I know where the sun shines best.”
    I have this indelible image of John Inman signing that Al Jolson classic, dressed up as Bo Peep.  Perhaps it’s what Magnus does in his spare time. Does his mammy know?

  3. Training Day says:

    I wonder if Gardham’s obvious political acumen can afford us an insight into the situation in West Korea?

  4. creag an tuirc says:

    I was watching a John Wayne Eastern the other day. “How The East Was Won”

  5. Craig P says:

    I wonder how long Magnus Gardham has been in Scotland though? If he wasn’t around when devolution started, he might never have heard of the WLQ. (Not that that excuses ignorance in a political reporter)

  6. scottish_skier says:


  7. Albert Herring says:

    Haw, stop pickin on puir wee Magnus, you lot! His mind’s no on the job, thinkin o all thae Wester eggs he’s gettin next Sunday.

  8. Macart says:

    Political commentator?? 😀

  9. creag an tuirc says:

    Maybe if The Herald moved their main offices from the East of Scotland to the West, they wouldn’t make these mistakes.

  10. Albert Herring says:

    @creag an tuirc
    Was it in Westmancolour?

  11. Luigi says:

    Those separatists are so evil, always trying to break South Britain away from the rest of the country. Don’t they realise they will never be able to watch West-Enders again?

  12. Luigi says:

    Magnus hamGard needs to check his proofs more carefully.

  13. McHaggis says:

    Anyway, no time to stay chatting here, gonna watch that old Hitchcock classic North by NorthEast and then on to an Eastlife concert…

  14. Training Day says:

    Magnus has helpfully pinpointed the problem with my lunch..the bread hasn’t been baked using ywest.

  15. dmw42 says:

    Sorry to be even more pendantic, the West Lothian question was about Tam Dalyell asking why he could vote on education in England but was not allowed to answer questions of the Scottish Parliament on education in Scotland.

  16. EmbraBoffin says:

    Looks like the Herald could do with employing one of the soon to be sacked proof-readers at the Scotsman 

  17. dmw42 says:

    Sorry, ask questions of the Scottish Parliament, not ‘answe’. Doh.

  18. Jeannie says:

    Do you think they’re just trying to divert our attention away from their embarrassing result  in the Westleigh by-election?

  19. tartanfever says:

    Possibly Jeannie, my own personal theory, it’s a deliberate attempt to confuse the Scots voters by dis-associating ‘bitter together’ with the seat of all things bad, the UK Govt in Eastminster…

  20. Bunter says:

    BBC lunchtime news has J Baillie and Eleanor Bradford working (better?) together to convince Scots that their health service would be better managed by the likes of those ”privateers” from south of the border!!
    Another story on the state broadcasters website has an article on a survey on overworked GPs, which worryingly at the end of the article, has a link titled ”better together”, but on closer inspection seems to be an unfortunate coincidence…I think..

  21. Albert Herring says:

    Orient Occident accident!

  22. EdinScot says:

    Next he’ll be telling us there are not any gas or oil reserves left in the east sea!

  23. Albert Herring says:

    What about the poverty and deprivation in the Westend of Glasgow?

  24. velofello says:

    Its weasy to get thwings wong when, ye dinna  ken yer Erse fae yer elbow.

  25. Yesitis says:

    “BBC lunchtime news has J Baillie and Eleanor Bradford working (better?) together to convince Scots that their health service would be better managed by the likes of those ”privateers” from south of the border!!”
    That`ll be Johann Lamont sorted for First Minister`s Questions tomorrow then. Ruth Davidson might just want to stay in bed, though.

  26. ronald alexander mcdonald says:

    OT. Nice piece on the Herald’s front page. Peter Robinson FM of NI “if you want more fiscal autonomy the only way to have it is through Independence”.
    Are you listening Ruth?  That is allegedly the message from David Cameron, according to Peter Robinson.  You can go back to bed now Ruth.

  27. Albalha says:

    My money’s on ‘why will the SNP not support us to get rid of the bedroom tax’ for FMQ’S, you really couldn’t make this stuff up.

  28. Lanarkian says:

    Marcus was at the YES Scotland Fringe meeting (SNP Conference). After his ‘contribution’ he left early, looking a tad flustered. Maybe his crayon broke or he filled his nappy..

  29. Jiggsbro says:

    Coming soon to a cinema near you, Tim Westwood is Dirty Harry, in “Magnus Force”
    “This is a .44 Magnus, the most powerful journalist in the world and will blow your independence clean away. You’ve gotta ask yourself a question: “Do I feel better together?” Well, do ya, punk?”

  30. CameronB says:

    Sloppiness or mission-creep?

  31. Jeannie says:

    Are you sure you don’t mean Tim Southwood?

  32. Marcia says:

    I hope he doesn’t announce trains as people will end up in East Kilbride by mistake.

  33. douglas clark says:

    Well, I always thought his moral compass was a bit wonky, now I know why 🙂

  34. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “I hope he doesn’t announce trains as people will end up in East Kilbride by mistake.”

    Is there any other way of ending up in East Kilbride?

  35. Alastair wright says:

    But they do make it up! Unfortunately some believe them without question

  36. Malcolm says:

    I remember when we were at war with Eastasia

  37. MajorBloodnok says:

    Hang on, isn’t Ian Gray an MSP for East Lothian?  Starting to make sense now.

  38. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “I remember when we were at war with Eastasia”

    Westasia, surely?

  39. Marcia says:

    Rev. Stuart Campbell says:
    Is there any other way of ending up in East Kilbride?


    Not if you want to go to West Kilbride in Ayrshire.

  40. Albalha says:

    I was rather too heavy on the irony I see!

  41. Clydebuilt says:

    There’s no wikipedia page for oor Magnus. Now why would that be!

  42. Jen says:

    Hey Nought wrong wi East Kilbride, excellent place to live!

  43. neil mackenzie says:

    “Scottish MPs voting on England only laws”, do these laws not also effect in Wales?
    Eastminster knows best!

  44. Richie says:

    FFS Stu, can you please fix this site so that I can post comments from my android phone? I and others have asked you this before. I thought of loads of east/west jokes as I was reading the article but I can’t post them until I get home at night. By that time everyone has already posted them. Come on. It’s not rocket surgery! It’s not as though I post much but when something (stupid) comes into my head, I’d like to post it before I forget it. 
    This could go norsewarrior 🙂

  45. Richie says:

    How’s the weather north of the border anyway Stu?
    Had 2 guys from Londonshire came down to our mill in Aberdeenshire today. I asked them how the weather was with them and they said it was bloody freezing. Apparently the wind keeps blowing up their skirt thingys. They were surprised to see snow down here as they thought it was too far south. Or west or something. Me confused. 
    This could explain it but I’m upside down anyway (whisky enduced)
    Make your own minds down.
    Late now. Sleepy. Got to go and put my head up. After I up this last glass of uisge. Tops down!
    Keep your scalps down folks! The beginning is far away!
    Fuck Magnum P.I. (proper idiot) 

    P.S please fix the android thingy 🙂

  46. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

    “FFS Stu, can you please fix this site so that I can post comments from my android phone? ”

    I have not the faintest idea how to go about such a thing.

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