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Batteries not included

Posted on December 20, 2014 by


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  1. 20 12 14 08:59

    Batteries not included | FreeScotland

  2. 20 12 14 10:44

    Batteries not included - Speymouth

73 to “Batteries not included”

  1. MajorBloodnok says:

    I like Harpo Marx as John Bull. What a clown.

  2. CameronB Brodie says:

    A cruel juxtaposition, no? 😉

  3. john king says:

    Honk honk

  4. Croompenstein says:

    Cracker Chris I’ve seen some scary Santas in my time but he takes the biscuit.

    Meanwhile in the Empire room his little elves are busy wrapping up HS1,2 and 3 as the Queen of Sheba purrs her approval

  5. wee folding bike says:

    The Marx Bros were no fools… well, perhaps Chico, but the rest of them were sharp as tacks.

  6. mary docherty says:

    That’ll be the gravy train!! Ho Ho Ho!

  7. handclapping says:

    Why blame Smith when it was the Calman triplets and their head office managers that castrated Scots hopes? As your cartoon shows there was another, Scottish, set of proposals before the Westminster clamps were applied. I hope that they become public some day so that we can see how much Westminster pisses on Scottish aspirations.

  8. Helena Brown says:

    Excellent, we shall see how much MR Smith benefits from his behaviour, Mr Weir has done sooooo well.
    Great cartoon and sums up the behaviour of any Westminster Government towards Scotland.
    I noticed that some in England have discovered a new Nationality in Scotland, some sort of immigrant I think, Called NATS, no idea where they come from but there are also two sorts of Scots and they do not belong to either.

  9. Murray McCallum says:

    Point the engine in the opposite direction just to make sure. Belt and braces and all that …

  10. Clootie says:


  11. yerkitbreeks says:

    ” A picture says a thousand words “

  12. AuldA says:

    Does Scotland still need to be coached? 🙂

  13. jimnarlene says:

    Spot on.

  14. Chris Cairns says:

    @Major – THANK you! It’s been bugging me for ages who he reminded me of. Wasn’t deliberate, he just came out that way. Better that than an elderly Shirley Temple I suppose.

  15. cearc says:

    Just excellent, Chris. Thanks.

  16. fred blogger says:

    ‘another fine product from UKOK loco.’
    to think that labour are now claiming being an independent country would be an even worse prospect than the tories.
    indy would have rescued scotland from the grip of WM se of england and lnd super power, and labour blocked the indy track, co-joined with their little helpers, the tories.

  17. mumsyhugs says:

    Not to worry folks – the Union’s train is about to run out of steam first!

  18. Muscleguy says:

    @ Murray McCallum

    Indeed, the tender should really be attached to a different train. Everyone knows fossil fuels are not devolved in any way.

  19. ronnie anderson says:

    As with a growing number of good little children Santa,s
    gearing up to disappoint.

    Great cartoon Chris thanks for the many laughs throughout the year. A Mery Christmas to You & Your Family.

  20. terry says:

    Still on the subject of Cochrane – check him out live on LBC (if you can stand it) on the link above – he’s sticking the knife into Scotland yet again. David Mellor is completely up his you know what – while Ken Livingstone is doing not so bad. They are debating EVEL and apparently Cochrane is their regular Scottish guest. It’s not good to listen to but you have to know what the opposition is up to to counteract them. Hearteningly some ignorant caller is wanting an English parliament cos the Barnett formula subs the Scots – will the establishment’s huge lie which is used to make us think we are subsidised actually work for us when the English vote to divest themselves of us scroungers? “Oh what a tangled web we weave….” On the plus side it shows they are really rattled. But isn’t the referndum past? Shouldn’t they MOVE ON? The game really is afoot. 2020 – a more fitting anniversary- and just over five years to cut through the lies and build the confidence of more of the population to see that we can do this.

  21. Robert Peffers says:

    @Chris Cairns says:20 December, 2014 at 10:03 am:

    … Better that than an elderly Shirley Temple I suppose.”

    Usual top standard cartoon, Chris. My first thought was it was the blonde curly stooge but my second was it was London’s blonde Boris. Whoever it is makes little difference for the message, as usual, jumps out at the reader.

    We readers really should do something to fund a print run to record your genius for posterity.

  22. Lollysmum says:

    Great cartoon Chris & a timely reminder that:

    1) WM is not known for giving useful Xmas prezzies to those pesky Scots 🙁

    2) Those pesky Scots have a reputation for making things work even when they’re not supposed to(Scots Parl majority anyone?) 🙂

    Wouldn’t put it past that nasty SNP to turn the pig in a stocking into a rabbit out of a hat. Ho,ho,ho Happy Christmas everyone 🙂 🙂 🙂

  23. pete the camera says:

    To many socks not enough ashes after all the referendum lies

  24. john king says:

    Ronnie Anderson
    “Great cartoon Chris thanks for the many laughs throughout the year. A Mery Christmas to You & Your Family.”

    What Ronnie says x2

  25. MajorBloodnok says:

    @Chris Cairns – Actually we were watching “Night at the Opera” last night so he was fresh in my mind. And two hard-boiled eggs.

  26. De Valera says:

    The weaker and more emasculated Scotland becomes, the happier the unionists will be.

    Make us dependent on Westminster and the land of hope and glory.

  27. YESGUY says:

    Another Saturday another cracker Chris.

    great way to start the day .

    Hope you and the family have a merry Xmas and a happy new year. To all Wingers too.

  28. fred blogger says:

    a time capsule that was buried before the indyref, has been found.
    ‘The first newspaper discovered within the snuff tin, “The Labour Leader: A Weekly Journal of Socialism, Trade Unionism and Politics”, was set up by Scottish socialist Keir Hardie MP Hardie is regarded as one of the pioneers of the Independent Labour Party and Labour Party, which grew out of the trade union and socialist movements of the nineteenth century.
    Scale drawings
    The newspaper carries a number of articles concerning socialist movements throughout Europe, and includes stories on the Paris Strike, “The Liberal Betrayal”, “Welsh Notes” on the threatened coal strike and the Russian revolutionary “Azeff Affair”.

  29. Helena Brown says:

    Fred, very interesting, just as well Keir Hardie is not around to see how well the Labour Party, Scottish Branch is doing with Socialism. They do not even recognise social democracy far less true Socialism as he perceived it.

  30. hetty says:

    Excellent, this is so apt, let’s see what the next few months brings, plenty of subject matter for sure! Thanks and Happy Solstice for tomorrow everyone!

  31. heedtracker says:

    The great fraud on Scotland or take Slabour’s Sarah Boyack and her brilliant, “it can’t make Scotland better off.” All that matters is the economic growth of England, so they can keep Scotland safe and secure and scrounging. It’s a very creepy Union that needs to keep Scotland from growing its own economy but then again UKOK unionists relentlessly attack Scottish Government for forecasting British only oil prices, because even one and half trillion quid’s worth of North sea oil is too much for Scotland to cope with, so it’s win win win, win and win for Unionists and their charming media, that can’t begin to comprehend why Scotland will soon be off.

  32. Luigi says:

    You know what, fellow Yessers? It’s becoming clearer every day:

    Simply by refusing to climb back into our little Chrismas box after the referendum…….

    We won!!!!

  33. fred blogger says:

    Helena Brown
    you’d think to hear broon speak that he was around @ the time of hardie, oh, wait!

  34. Tattie-bogle says:

    Wonkey Donkey 🙂

  35. Grouse Beater says:

    Just read a nauseating interview of Murphy in the Guardian. It made me ill to read it.

    A hollow man selling hollow rhetoric.

    I’d like to think the press is doing what it’s always done, allowing the subject new to public awareness to boost their self-esteem unchallenged, like any celebrity on the way up, so that if found wanting later – and Murphy will – the same press can indulge in a frenzy of condemnation and analysis on the flaky moral principle that he hoodwinked us all.

    Two bites from the same apple.

    Would it not be better to put his claims under the microscope now, than toy like a cat with a rat later?

    Sorry, but this week’s cartoon won’t purge the stomach.

  36. Swami Backverandah says:

    Leaked excerpt from forthcoming speech …
    “A near majority of Scots have been very, very naughty this year, and I’ve instructed Santa to ‘think very carefully’ about what they should be given.”

  37. Nana Smith says:

    @Chris Cairns You have given us wonderful cartoons, so here’s wishing you a wonderful Christmas.

    and a wee ditty for that naughty elf in the pic, its not Scotland’s wagon wheels that are shoogly…

    One wheel on my wagon but I’m still rolling along
    The snp are after me, yet another annus horribilis
    I’m not singing a happy song

    No wheels on my wagon, stopping me rolling along
    That nightmare at Elm house bare, Oh the shame and who’s to blame
    I’m not singing a happy song

    Higgety haggity hoggity high
    Independence will never die!

  38. CameronB Brodie says:

    I only have two words for Sarah Boyack, who does appear to have a rather sparse appreciation of reality.

  39. velofello says:

    5 stars as usual Chris.

    It does feel like even the Nos are beginning to understand the message of this cartoon.

    Having a bite to eat and a pint a very busy Horseshoe Bar yesterday a punter beside me commented “Still wearing your badge, you lost. Just half-time” is my stock response. “Aye, I suppose it (independence) is going happen anyway”, he responded. We continued to talk and parted in good cheer.His views on ScotLabour cannot be repeated in a “respectable” forum, and he could never vote Tory. Like many Nos the wheels have come off his UK politics wagon. No Unionist party to vote for.

  40. heedtracker says:

    One of Santa’s comedy elves Danny Alexander and Herald”s Xmas Project Fearing. Can’t be arsed reading Herald’s Xmas BetterTogtherBetter for life not just for Xmas, but Scotland would not have taken control of the remaining £1.5 trillion Scots oil reserves for at least another 18 months and Tory Boy’s treat our oil like a giant piggy bank anyway but the Herald’s only in it to monster economic Scotland

    “Santa’s little helper Danny stressed: “This just bears out the economic case that was made for keeping the UK together; it probably illustrates it better than anything else because people can see the impact of oil prices. People in the north east of Scotland are living with it daily at the moment in terms of the economic uncertainty it’s creating for an awful lot of families and that’s deeply, deeply troubling.”

    The Chief Secretary pointed out how, when the SNP Government’s statistical analysis was published six months before the referendum vote, it predicted revenues for an independent Scotland in its first year of £6.9bn, based on an oil price of $110 a barrel.
    Noting how the Treasury strongly challenged these numbers at the time, stressing how imprudent it was to base an economic policy on such a volatile commodity, the Chief Secretary said officials had this week been number-crunching on the back of the slump in the oil price.

    “If the oil price stays at $60 a barrel into 2016/17, the revenues for an independent Scotland would not have been £6.9bn but £0.5bn, a £6.4bn fall; black hole barely covers it, it’s a sort of gaping chasm. Six and a half billion pounds is equivalent to the total education budget in Scotland,” pointed out the Highland MP.

    Neat bit of usual sneaky creepy journalism in there but silly yes voters, SNP barrel price forecasting 2016 v v bad, barrel price forecasting v v good. It must be true, UKOK media say so.

  41. Bill McLean says:

    O/T Murphy coming up on “Off the Ball” with Tam and Stewart!
    Have already texted my displeasure at BBC Scotland extending their Labour propaganda to a sport programme. Shame and disgrace on them!!

  42. Ian Brotherhood says:

    So, even the fitba’ isn’t a place of safety?

    Jim Murphy just about to star as ‘Off The Ball’ guest…will Mr Cosgrove have a dig? Will this appearance act as a fillip for his book? Does anyone care any more?

  43. Grouse Beater says:

    Heedtracker on oil

    Aye, the dissemblers are still pushing Scotland as a povery-stricken nation, and if it had oil it would be all the poorer. They cannot shake of their obsession that demands they keep an entire people docile.

    English nationalism – it’s all about control.

    We would not be truly, legally independent until late in 2016 and, I suspect with everything to negotiate, probably a lot longer before we raised te start pistol to the sky. The oil would not be back in our possesion until then. In any event, who is to say Scotland would not up the cut in its favour when prices are down? There’s such a thing as an esculator to append to revenue commissions.

  44. ScottieDog says:

    It’s a shame journos don’t seem to ask beaker and friends about the black chasms in our budget by guaranteeing city of London debt.

  45. Grouse Beater says:

    And another thing!

    We would not be paying £4 billion for HR2 to arrive in Birmingham! Hence, had our first year only garnered £0.5 billion in oil as the Scotland haters claim, we’d actually be £4.5 billion better off – you Westmister morons!

  46. fred blogger says:

    Grouse Beater
    the £4bn from scotland represent excellent vfm for those living in the se of england and london who want 20mins extra in bed.

  47. Dcanmore says:

    I have to say, Tam and Stewart have been giving Murphy a bit of a dig BUT … Murphy: ‘egg throwing was no big deal but the media made something out of it’… hmm I remember ‘orgnised nationalist mobs’ and ‘suspended tour’ from two-crates, now seems to think it was all just a wee thing that was blew up by the media.

  48. msean says:

    Seems an accurate cartoon.

  49. Bill McLean says:

    Dcanmore – no problem with Tam and Stu -it’s the foul BBC using every opportunity to big up this man that sickens me!

  50. Dcanmore says:

    Murphy just denied he spent nine years at university and didn’t get a degree…. ‘spread by people who spend too much time online.’

  51. Mosstrooper says:

    @ vellofello 12.04

    Like your “half time” comment I will use that TA!

    In a similar vein I was in a small shop where I know the owner and as I came in the door he spotted the YES badge and said “Why are you wearing that, it’s over” to which I replied, “not for me it’s not” A momentary silence then he said “Aye, a suppose not”

    I feel that there is a kind of acceptance that Independence will happen abroad in the community. I took delivery of some goods and while I was signing for them the courier noticed my YES badge. “I see you’re still wearing the badge, good for you, we’ll dae it yet” Gave me a golden glow for the rest of the day.

  52. liz says:

    Thanks for all your thought provoking cartoons Chris, have a good Christmas.

    The only good thing to come out of this as others have said, we are starting from a much better position than last time.

    With a much higher number of people in favour of the SNP and other Yes parties, more of us are finding the promotion of Murphy and the rubbishing of Scotland, to be offensive.

    Even Peter Curren was tweeting about oil ‘crisis’ but someone put him right saying in Houston they are already expecting the oil price to jump to about $100 in 2015.

    I don’t watch any news on BBC but Elenoar Bradford’s demonising of NHS Scotland seems to have quietened down – unless most folk are just ignoring her.

  53. Dcanmore says:

    Interesting: just announced, Green Party membership in England has doubled to 30,000 in 2014.

  54. Croompenstein says:

    OT I’m awa tae eat some oatcakes and cheese and read this…

    The English are pig-sick of the whining, whinging Caledonian oat-crunchers

  55. Bob Mack says:

    Brilliant Chris, and how apt. A cheap gift for their naughty child. However we will grow up, and choose our own gifts. You remember the film “ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE”, and at the end David Niven talks of all the “shining gifts”. These are what we can give to our fellow citizens just by ticking a box.

  56. Bob Mack says:

    Would it not be great if pressure for Scotland to leave the Union came from both sides of the border. Clearly many English believe the crap that is spun to them. Could we not capitalise on that somehow and even magnify it to a wider English audience The pressure is mounting

  57. manandboy says:

    Smith – just another paid conman, dressed like a Lord.

  58. boris says:

    In all the furore over claims by Labour that a vote for the SNP is a vote for the Conservative’s and the reverse allegation that a vote for the SNP is a vote for the Labour party it should be well remembered that a vote for any party, other than the SNP is a wasted vote since;

    “regardless of the strength of any case to the contrary Unionist MP’s are obliged by the rules of their party to always place Westminster’s wants before Scotland’s needs”.

    Remember this come next May

  59. Valerie says:

    Guy McV just posted a YouTube vid of Chris, showing him working, and about the Indyref year, lovely glimpse into his work.

  60. heedtracker says:

    Grouse Beater says:
    20 December, 2014 at 12:32 pm
    Heedtracker on oil

    They’re merely using UKOK Project Fear on Devo Nano now. It worked really well last time so why not this time, while their fear bombings are still fresh. Its a teamGB coupe de gras, via the media and liggers like Alexander. Its just like Trident 2, save the bomb or lose 19 thousand jobs said Slabaour MPs and MSP’s like Ian Davidson or Jack Baillie, £1.5 trillion oil and gas is going to ruin Scotland…

  61. thomaspotter2014 says:

    I’m still going with:
    If you vote SNP you get SNP!!!

  62. Andy-B says:

    Excellent Chris you’ve outdone yourself this time, the expression on Lord Smith’s face says it all.

    “it wisnae am fault”

  63. Sandra Wilson says:

    Brilliant cartoon. You have made 1.6 million of weep with sadness and laughter. Lang may yur lum reek.

  64. gus1940 says:


    In case anybody missed it yesterday it was reported that London is to be blessed with a new footbridge over the Thames at a cost of a mere £170 Million.

    So much for Austerity.

  65. boris says:

    Santa’s little help yourself. Very apt and frighteningly fun

  66. boris says:

    1. War has been declared within the Tory Party – Who controls the SpAd’s?

    a. The Conservative Party is planning ahead against a scenario of a stalemate or defeat in the general election next May. It is common knowledge within the Party that David Cameron will not stand down or enter into a coalition with UKIP. A stalking horse will make the challenge for leadership allowing Teresa May to make her move. Returns indicate she is the favoured person who, as leader will take the Party to the right of politics, more in line with UKIP.

    b. Well aware of plans for insurrection Cameron, assisted by his loyal, “inner house” cabinet lead by Sir Jeremy Heywood, (yes him again) is carefully vetting each, “new” Conservative candidate so that he can veto anyone likely to join the chattering classes against him. To this end he recently disbarred two of Teresa May’s SpAd’s from standing for vacant seats next May. So war has been declared

    c. The interference is unwelcome and Conservative Central Office together with Candidate Selection and local Committee’s are fighting back, fires have been lit and it will be interesting to watch the tea party descend into chaos.

    d. Needing a pretense to make his move Cameron said he had moved to block May’s two SpAd’s from selection because they had failed to openly support the Party at a recent by-election which the Party lost to UKIP. May’s office and others have cried foul and are fighting back stating that SpAd’s are paid employees of the State and as such are forbidden by the Civil Service code to be involved in any overt political activity. The order from David Cameron’s office was therefore illegal and the officers concerned were entirely correct refusing to breach the code.

    I have gathered information providing an understanding of the murky world of SpAd’s whose salaries and associated expenses are paid for from public funds. They are accountable only to the Minister that appointed them. There is no formal recruitment process or interview. How does it work? Nepotism. A minster decides he needs a SpAd. He gets in touch with David Cameron’s office and obtains permission to appoint one. Approval granted the minister contacts an old friend from University who might be between jobs and offers him the post. The person accepts. The following Monday the new SpAd reports for duty on a salary of £60K. Nice if you know the right people.

    The attached report takes a bit of reading but I believe it to be an excellent reference point gaining a grasp of SpAd’s and their use.

  67. Chic McGregor says:

    Yep Harpo Marx, there’s a bit of Willy Wonka(Gene Wilder version) and Mad King George in there as well.

    Great cartoon.

    Anyone cracked the Elf-Government gag yet?

  68. wee folding bike says:

    @Bob Mack
    20 December, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    It’s a Wonderful Life was Jimmy Stewart. David Niven was in A Matter of Life and Death, US title Stairway to Heaven. He was supposed to die in a war time plane crash but the agent of the after life missed him in the fog. They both came out in 1946.

  69. John from Fife says:

    Happy Xmas everyone. Remember the Genie is out of the bottle and the unionists know that it won’t go back in !!!!

  70. Smith sold his country down the river .
    End off.

  71. Arabs for Independence says:

    As Chico Marx said “there ain’t no sanity clause”.

    Great cartoon – thanks

  72. Fred says:

    Just been listening to the hauf-biled Coatdyde baroness, Helen Liddell on the wireless wittering on about the SNP in the seventies. If anybody merits the order of the boot it’s this un-elected panto-dame.
    If you think Murphy’s Uria Heep delivery is hard on the ear or the strange whining performance of the luckless & lacklustre Ian Gray, try listening to Stalin’s grannie for five minutes on a dreich & hung-over Sunday morning.

    PS, anent Gray, is that how folk talk in East Lothian, surely not!

  73. Grouse Beater says:

    I’m still going with: If you vote SNP you get SNP!!!


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