Quoted for LOLs
Posted on
May 14, 2014 by
Rev. Stuart Campbell
Mark Wallace in Conservative Home, 14 May 2014:
“Darling might not have been the most dynamic campaigner in the world, but at least he isn’t a complete and utter Jonah. Replacing him with Alexander is the equivalent of replacing your single-bar heater with a bonfire in your lounge because you weren’t warm enough, substituting your Morris Minor with a North Korean missile in the hope of getting to work faster or deciding to shave with a lawnmower because your disposable Bic was a bit blunt.“
Because it actually did make us laugh.
Yes, that did make me laugh.
A Conservative with a sense of humour? He must be in a constant rictus of hilarity then with so much rib-tickling material.
The French had Madame La Guillotine.
And Bic.
Never before has North Korea, a bonfire and a lawnmower been so funny together.
A Tory with a sense of humour, who knew ( mind you he’s got a point !)
Very insightful and hilarious
A rare legitimate use of LOL! I’m still chuckling now.
Yo Revm I hope you’re all over the vote no borders buying the images for their site from a company in Cambridge then adding the quotes from those nice pollock people
Ditto. Amusingly put by Toryboy there.
I despise the Tories, but at least with them you get what it says on the tin: selfishness
Faux ‘internationalist’ ‘socialists’ who imagine that reading the Guardian excuses their troughing, and personal advancement via ‘connections’ gie me the boak. Hypocrites one and all.
How very dare they doubt wee Doogie’s capability to run a successful campaign on the flimsy premise of years of factual evidence.
Will we see Darling media comment going forward, e.g. “Personally, I wouldn’t have recommended that strategy”. These New Labour colleagues are not exactly team players. How many knocks can Darling take from his “friends”?
On the Vote No Borders thing Rev, I find it all the more sinister that they must have thought ” tell you wot, chuck in an effnick girl an all and give her a sick kid “
Oh, when friends fall out.
The tears of laughter are rolling down my leg.
Dougie was a bugler in the BB. He and Blair McD and Jean ( haggis agus ) will be marching soon.
As the Tories will say on 19th September … “it was all Labour and Lib Dems fault!”
As one of the CH commenters noted, wee Dougie taking the reins of BT in the same week as a Scottish dodo fossil was found is a remarkable coincidence.
What does Dougie actually have that keeps getting him these jobs? Seriously, what does he know that makes him untouchable? His career as a senior politician should have ended after the 2007 election, where he remarkably managed to screw up not just Labour’s campaign, but the running of the actual election. I can only assume he knows where plenty of bodies are buried.
Perhaps “big brains”, arrogance & no common sense run in the family?
Although TBH I’m very very glad Wendy self-destructed when she did as she would have been a lot more effective for “no” than Lamont is.
“Wee Dougie” as he was referred to at the time was considered the “inferior” brain so we can only wait for his “wisdom”.
I’m sure it’ll be worthy of something….
Bugler… Oh, should have gone to spec savers!
Darling says “I’ve never been away…Douglas who”?
Steve Bowers
Remins me of a scene from Absolutely Fabulous when the Jennifer Saunders talks about a photo shoot in some Magrebian mud hut with fly encrusted nets.
The mental image of Danny Alexander opening a food bank with a big proud smile on his face springs to mind, so yes Mr Wallace does indeed have a valid point.
UK leading think tank says an independent Scotland would be a haven for terrorists, and organised criminals.
link to standard.co.uk
O/T but relevant.
A member of my family works in London in brand identity, including neural linguistic programming and they have not heard of Acanchi. Must be some take the piss from the “Natives outfit” she said.
It begs the question, maybe David Cameron is not too uncomfortable with a Scotland running its own affairs.
“I hope you’re all over the vote no borders buying the images for their site from a company in Cambridge”
As I tweeted yesterday, there’s no story there. I rang the photographer and she said she shot them all specifically for VNB.
link to theguardian.com
What Osborne has to say to MP’s:
Here’s an extract from George Osborne’s opening statement to the committee.
The nationalists’ preferred plan is to replace our UK pound with something very different to what we have now: an unstable Eurozone-style currency union, which wouldn’t work at all – for Scotland or the UK.
It’s a plan where Scotland leaves the UK, but the Scottish nationalists still expect taxpayers in the rest of the UK to continue to provide a safety net.
It’s a plan where the nationalists want to be independent, but make Scotland’s economic policy dependent on another country in which it no longer has any say or representation.
That’s why it’s a plan that simply doesn’t make sense.
And don’t just take my word for it. The governor of the Bank of England has explained the difficulty of currency unions; numerous academics – including Alex Salmond’s former adviser – don’t think a currency union would be agreed; and the recent survey by the British Chambers of Commerce showed business opinion is firmly in favour of keeping the UK and not in favour of a currency union.
So to conclude this opening statement, as chancellor of the exchequer it is my obligation to explain that no currency arrangement under independence will be the same as the strength and stability of one UK with one UK pound.
The people of Scotland deserve straight answers to straight questions. And you’ve had straight answers from the shadow chancellor, from the chief Secretary and from me, the chancellor.
We have all made it clear that there will not be a currency union if Scotland becomes independent. No ifs and no buts. An independent Scotland would not share the pound with the rest of the UK.
We want Scotland to remain in the UK and keep the pound.
The common-sense position is clear: “if it ain’t broke, don’t break it”.
Did Dougie Alexander get the heave already?
link to eveningexpress.co.uk
MoD not able to cover up nuclear leak report in Fife.
link to theguardian.com
Wow! The BT tories are already gunning for wee Dougie Alexander already. They only just got rid of Darling!
Are they really out for Alexander, so soon, or are they just lowering expectations?
It’s all getting a bit like the X Factor. The judges (Labour Bitter Together) falling out and briefing against each other. The unpolished video hopeful with tales that would bring a tear to a glass eye. The NOBs accused of shady dealing with the televoting process. The Tories thinking about the money rolling in from download sales and the Liberals featuring in the out-takes like the famous Ablisa.
Only someone with a very hard heart wouldn’t burst out laughing.
James S:-
Or in a different context, husband to wife : “if you leave, the weans are staying with me & you’re no getting a single penny”
I think theres a typo in the first line
Should read :
“Darling might not have been the most dynamic campaigner in the world, but at least he isn’t a complete and utter Johann“
It has to be said,Wee Dougie does sound like a Tory sometimes.
Light relief from Twitter
link to twitter.com
Great image.
On “big brains” article Wee Doogie was made to look half witted but what he and most commentators failed to notice was a spectacular fail in Brillo’s Maths. 20% of £26000 is £5200.
Sorry I wasn’t too switched on either but 20% of £21600 is still £4320
James S says:
James,
Gordon Brown knew about this while he was in Government. Despite it being in his constituency,he has known for 10 years.
The extent of contamination MUST be established and if they do not clean it up before Indy ( unlikely!)then the cost should be applied to negotiations with Westminster, assessed by experts and deducted to ensure they pay for this. It is nowhere near acceptable to a Sovereign Scotland. Nor the English ” hot spots either.
@btp
Hilarious. Good find.
George Minty, fraid you’ve just shown yourself up. Go and read it again and read btl as well. Then you can come back and say “oops, sorry”
George, wee hint – what’s £21600 @ 2.5%?
big brains, really? if its in the paper it must be true right enough. any evidence to support this assertion? i cant think of anything douglas alexander has done to help people.
OT but did you see George Osborne’s statement to the select committee on the BBC?
He said Scotland would be “tying themselves to the economic decisions of another country” by entering a sterling zone.
Couldnae make it up! What does he think happens now?
When I checked this morning on the BBC Scotland website the “SNP calls for publication of poll” was the 2nd biggest story of the day, it’s now number 18!
Heraldnomore, that’ll be 540 then which isnt 450 either, close though…
“What does Dougie actually have that keeps getting him these jobs?”
A nose to fit every arsecrack.
Fair enough heraldnomore. I did think Brillo was trying to make the point that Doogie’s figure was impossible but to achieve a £450 increase is practically zero probability. I stand corrected.
United front from BT as usual. So much for actually believing in better together.
Andy-B says
“UK leading think tank says an independent Scotland would be a haven for terrorists, and organised criminals.”
Just like London then.
Just catching up, three questions spring to mind for Mark Wallace, what drugs are you on, why aren’t you sharing and what colour is the sky on your world?
Mind you compared to Farage, Clegg and Cameron, wee Dougie probably does seem like a political mental giant.
O/T but for the record, MadJockMcMad comment in the Guardian today.
14 May 2014 5:11pm
Let’s just say Scotland votes ‘Yes’ in September 2014 to end the 1706 Treaty of Union which in turn then ends the current United Kingdom Parliament (as legally constituted) as it has no constitutional or legal basis to negotiate the end of itself (a legal and constitutional position already conceded by the UK Parliament at Westminster – Lord Cooper; McCormack, 1953).
It follows that the temporarily suspended parliament of England and Wales (with NI) will have to be recalled to negotiate with its fellow sovereign parliamentary co-signatory of the Treaty of Union – the already recalled Scottish Parliament – as the currently constituted UK Parliament has no such legal or constitutional power to enter into any such negotiation.
How is this recalled parliament of England and Wales (with NI) going to acquire its legal and constitutional legitimacy?
The most likely occasion is after the electorate of England, Wales and Northern Ireland take part in a general election to this recalled parliament in May 2015.
I ask because until such a point where the parliament of England and Wales (with NI) is recalled, Osbourne has no legal or constitutional competence to comment on a currency union or not, as the UK Parliament and its parliamentarians can have no role in the negotiations over their own demise which may or may not include the issue of a currency union.
It may be that after the general election in May 2015 Mr Farage is Prime Minister of England and Wales (with NI) and Lord Monkton is Chancellor. Under English law and constitutional practice there can no be such condition as declaring ‘there will never be a currency union’ as a previous government’s policies and programs are not enforceable on its successor parliament.
What is clearly obvious is Osborne, as usual, is talking total mince.
Poor Flipper. All he ever asked for was lots of money, a knighthood, seats on the boards of the banks him and Crash saved, some more money, a charity maybe, they make a fortune too. Oh dear.
link to order-order.com
The shareholders of the Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown will be delighted by the company’s strong performance as recorded in its annual accounts published this week. Cash held by the company is up from £160,978 to £237,226, it current assets total £255,469 and shareholder funds have reached £226,031. Despite setting aside £550,000 for “expenses” and declaring £3,605,197 in revenue since it was established, the Office has given just £90,000 more to charity since last year’s figures were disclosed, up from £912,702 to £1,002,702 overall.
Subtracting the declared amount donated to charity from the declared revenue shows the company would have had a healthy £2,602,495 of income which did not go to charity.
Darling is still in charge. Nobody has told him yet.
Douglas is about to get the heave from the GE campaign roll so he is looking for a new home.
Why oh, why have they yet again not put Danny Alexander into this crucial role – are you sure they didn’t just insist on ‘D Alexander’ to replace Mr Eyebrows.
They’ve gone and done another ‘wrong -guy Milliband’ booboo – tossing poor wee Dougie into the fray?
The Ginger Rodent is ready made for the job – that is, if he can be excused duties at the Treasury, being a king-pin and all that!
It would make you weep!
@manandboy
MadJockMcMad knows his stuff in these matters.
Because of the limit in words on NNS he alludes to this situation.
Wee Scotland is not to be taken lightly, we have rights most folk wouldn’t have any concept of in the everyday shopping centre.
link to standard.co.uk gives their dougie alexander opinion
Call me dave, Is there an article with any more on that subject anywhere re the Union/UK/ etc which sets out the stuff in more detail? Without getting too legalistic jargony
Try this to start going out tonight until late look again later.
link to tarffadvertiser.blogspot.co.uk
Check out name.
I’m going to take a wild guess here and say that Mark is underwhelmed by Douglas’ abilities.
link to static.comicvine.com
Thanks Dave
@call me dave
Cracking post by Mad Jock. When it comes to constitution and the treaty MJM can quote chapter and verse.
“It’s all getting a bit like the X Factor. ”
More Like Graham Norton’s chair.
@manandboy.
This also worth a read.
link to tarffadvertiser.blogspot.co.uk
Not the first time people have laughed at a home county Conservative. Prince Philip springs to mind. Although he supported Independence for Scotland in 1968, according to Tony’s Benn Diaries. Unlike any pretendy Socialist Tony in the donkey jacket, or Crombie coat George.
@gerry parker
Just reading your post, been out, that’s the one I had in mind but didn’t have time to look for earlier. Thanks.
There are many nuggets to be discovered on the
link to tarffadvertiser.blogspot.co.uk
Excellent place to spend a visit and learn.
So, the No Better Together UKOKs are flirting with Saatchi and Saatchi, are they?
link to brandrepublic.com?
LoL! (that was easy)
Well the first laugh I have had from the opposition ever.
I have to say that the Yes campaign has the humour, the intelligence and ability can only wish for. Wings over Scotland can take a well earned bow.