Let’s have another caption competition
Posted on
November 08, 2013 by
Rev. Stuart Campbell
Knock yourselves out, folks. But keep it clean, okay? We had a big dinner.
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A tall tale
Wee Books
Video
Probably a robbery
Transphobia
Are you Denis Healey?
You’ve a bogie hinging fae yer nose.
Both, in think bubbles: “This is going to look really bad.”
Aye. For once, they’re both right.
Oh Ed your Grey hairs are showing , you will have to start using Grecian 2000.
Or in the spirit of keeping it clean.
Honey take me for a spin.
Just say the word handsome and I’ll trim your nose hair.
Is that the one o’clock gun in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?
‘Why won’t you look at me darling?’
‘i’ve heard I’ll turn to stone’
“Excuse me, young man. Can you tell me where Edinburgh Castle is?”
Mags:
‘Fly me to Dunoon…’
Boak
“Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you”
It’s true, you can see right through him.
I suppose “Bend over and I’ll kiss you where it counts” isn’t clean enough. LOL
ETA: Now my tummy has the collywobbles.
Did I not see you at the Cavandish’s Grab A Granny Night like all the other sadoos
Where are we, Ed?
Him: Can you feel the love?
Her: Naw.
Haw Mr. Milliband, ye’ve got a spider in yer ear…eh hing on a minute…aw naw, it’s no. It’s jist that yir ear hairs need trimmin’. Gonnae let me dae it? Ah’ve got ma lady garden clippers in ma purse.
Ed Milfiband
Mags:
‘Please understand Dave, sorry, Ed, I want to do it as well, but I need to know you’re finished with Johann.’
Ed let`s bulldoze this castle pish and make oor very own Mount Rushmore in the middle o` Edinburra. Me, you, the Dougallmeister and oor Johann. Oh, I can jist see oor granite pusses staring doon noo!
Dae it! Dae it!
Oh no – a foreigner!
I’m on the top of the world, Ma….gs
Nah, Ed, I haven’t been to the Castle for ages. Not my kind of place, lots o’ fureigners milling about…
Careless Whispers.
And where is this stairheid of which you speak?
Is that Mons Meg in your pocket, etc
Ed:
‘Where the fuck are those helicopters when you really need one?’
Is that you Brad? Nah, should’ve went ti Specsavers.
Ur you wan a they furriners?
Ah dont like furriners.
“So you’ll photoshop Ed in later?”
”Oh Jings! Ah’m gettin’ moist jist lookin’ at him.”
Who are you?
‘Let’s join together as one nation, ed’
Ed:
‘I can see Charles Kennedy in the pub from here.’
We could get it on expenses Magrit honey!
Is that the one o’clock gun or are you just sad to see through me?
Oh! Ed I’d love to see your Edinburgh rock.
@heraldnomore.
Mons Meg…or should that be Meg’s Mons.
It’s about time someone DunEdin
or
Labour is deadinburgh
or just
F***in EDinburgh
Don’t leave me here Ed. You promised to treat me like a Lady, and buy me an ermine coat.
Maigrit wondered how it was she could she Edinburgh Castle straight through Ed’s ears.
The wig looks good on you… but I still prefer you Au Naturale…
link to 1.bp.blogspot.com
“If anyone spoils my moment with Ed, there will be one hell of a rammy”
Mags:
‘Ye wantin’ a wee nookie-badge son, eh? eh?’
“I’m afraid it’s bigger than both of us Mairgret”… “let’s not fight it Ed, you know you wan’t to..dontchew…dontchew wish your girlfriend was HOT like me.. dontchew…dontchew ?”
“You took that too far Mairgret” “sorry Ed…” “grope hug then ?”
The Ballad of Freda Ed and Barry Maggy
@Ananurhin.
”I didn’t say ‘ermine coat’. I said, is that your coat or mine?”
I’ve put a spell on Unite!
“Halloween was last week. Why’s she still got that mask on?”
Strike out not working grrr
‘So Ed, yer da wiz a furriner, a Marxist and hated England? Ah still luv ye.’
Mags sez :
‘Ah’ve got some in mah handbag’
Ed thinks :
‘I’d be better off in that Sauna over there’
Or,
Don’t leave me here Ed. I’ve done things for you I never thought I would ever do. No other man will look at me now. I feel so cheap.
I do prefer a faceful of ‘Ed to a faceful of Balls
Miliband’s referendum carrot: Margaret Curran to be imprisoned in Edinburgh Castle if Scots vote No
(Who the f**k is this woman)
I was right! There really is NOTHING between his ears!
Are you a foreigner?
Ed: One day Margaret, this will all be ours…
Margaret: To privatise.
Ur yoo lookin at ma burd?
Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!
Ed…you look a bit foreign. Are you foreign? I’m not foreign, and neither is my family…even the ones not from the UK…
Miliband: Edinburgh Castle to be dismantled and rebuilt in Portsmouth if Scots vote Yes.
At last! The positive case for the Union. It’s hidden in your left ear.
Maigrit: Sniff…..sniff……sniff…..aye, definitely, I smell….. shite.
Will you do the expenses Ed? I’m Scottish you know. Gonnie gies a look in ma purse again? I liked lookin in ma purse. Do you like lookin in your purse Ed?
Margaret: Oh Ed. Forget Scotland. Take me now and let’s form our own Union.
Ed: I’m not sure Unite would approve.
“ah this is what North Britain looks like… so, when is the next train back to London?”
Ed : Why isn’t there a tram to chuck yourself under when you need one?
Is that gel you’ve used. I’ve went for windswept.
No that’s not an old volcano it’s on top of, Ed. That big lump of lava-looking rock was built by hardworking Scottish Labour voters. It was actually one of the first things paid for by UK Barnett formula money.
Wow, strange I haven’t heard that before Margaret.
No, well, I’m not surprised. People up here are afraid to talk, tell the truth about it. Especially shy, bashful business owners and entrepreneurs. They telt me they feel intimidated. Silenced.
The One O’Clock gun misses its targets yet again…
Near, Far, Whereever you are……
Ed, being with you, alone, in this romantic, foreign city, is making my pants wet. Let’s live dangerously, I know this wee B&B in Falkirk, the BBC will never find us and I know a few tricks your brother showed me Fnarr Fnarr.
Yiv furgoat yur poappy
Edinburgh – See it before the volcano errupts (which will happen if you vote for independence!)
Frankly my dear, I don’t GIVE a damn.
okay Margaret, one more time… this is small, that is f a r a w a y
Is that your hand?
as we say in scotland Ed, there’s mony a guid tune played on an auld fiddle
ok mags, but remember, what happens in Edinburgh stays in Edinburgh
Don’t look now Ed darling, but I fair fear that there is an SDF Tank behind you !
Oh Ed, do you think I look windswept and interesting?
Windswept, certainly…
Ed: I know what you’re thinking, but it’s only her country I want to screw.
A’ve dug masel a hole tae ston in.
It’s no that I’m worried Ed but gonnae gie us wan o’ they English seats?
Ed: To photographer
“Did you get both old ruins in”?
how long do I have to wear this brassneck
….you’ll wonder where the yellow went when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.
“Amazing! You can barely see Cameron pulling Ed’s strings.”
Mags “Naw Ed, whitever Salmond telt ye, “Fannybaws” isnae a Scottish term of endearment”
Ed ” Youre cramping my style poppet..be a dahling and fech off and get me a coffee will you ?”
Ooh Ed,
you promished me if I gave you Portsmouth you’d gie me a yard in Scotland
The unelectable meets the unfuckable.
Ed : Do you want to see the Tattoo?
Maigrit : Thought you’d never ask….is it a big red rose on your arse?
” I will give you titles and Lands in Springburn “
ED how come you only claimed £403 for Energy bills on a Salary of £140,000 a year when Ian Murray got £747 for a pittance of £66,000 a year like me.
I will give 5 minutes to get your hand off my erse.
“but, but, but Ed; *I* think we’re better togither ?”
Ed… to quote the chinese philosopher ….”Dae Wan”
No Ed please no I dinna want Johann’s job.
Whoops!
I fear I have transgressed, but am unable, by, eh, 8 mins and 40-something seconds, to edit….oh, dear…quelle dommage..
Mags, ” Hoooooeeee college boy! You got a purty mouth.”
Och, Ma ain wee Braveheart …
Keep it clean?
Margaret, have you got on Canal No 5? It stinks! Or have you got halitosis?
“Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more”
Mags (Gromit)
Have you cleaned off the cheese Wallace?
You know, Ed, you’re pretty handsome…for a foreigner!
There’ll be a tram along any minute, Ed, honest!
One day darling, this could be all yours
Aye Ed, ah’d luv tae dress up as Gromit …. ye wa-ant me tae bring the cheese?
“He doesnae look like David. Are you sure this is David?”
C’mon Ed, Ah’ve gone aa Embra wi the nae knickers thing n’at. Kin a huv ma fur coat noo?
Ed: Do you want to see the Tattoo?
M: What is it?
Ed: My daughter’s name
M: Oh..Rona! How lovely, that’s a Scoattish…wait..er..oh my goad! So how’s Rhododenderona gettin oan at school?
Magrit: “Right you ya big Tory bastirt, get yer jaiket, you’ve pulled!!”
Are you a unionist member, Eddy boy?
“Och Ed – that’s jist like Better Together …. castles in yer hair”.
Hiv yiz ony idea when yon one o’clock gun gaes aff?
No idea, Maggie. Can I call you Maggie?
Whit dae ye meen it wis a good idea tae build the castle next tae the railway station ya bawbag!?
The Tories said no one in their right mind would want to stand outside Edinburgh Castle and get their photographs taken by tourists.
“I’m here in Cardiff for a photo-shoot and this blond bitch is f**king everything up ….. “
Ed. You’re supposed to keep your arse out of sight when you’re getting a photo taken
“I´ve always misunderestimated you, unlike some people.”
“Hmm, you´ve just taken the mouth right out of my words…”
Ed: Shall we go to Arthur’s Seat?
M : Stuff Arthur, I’ve enough problems haudin oan tae ma own seat. Rememmer Ah’m the only person who can lose a seat in the East End of Glesca tae a Mason!!
“Salt and sauce? You Scots have had it too good for too long.”
Listen up Oik, do you know what photobombing means ?
Mags.. ” not until I met you ya silver tounged charmer….c’moangetcherkaaksaff pronto !
“Oh, Ed. I must say, I’ve had a grand day out in Edinburgh with you today.”
“Hey, photo guy. Ed put on the wrong trousers this morning, so stay above the crotch, okay?”
ruined a great view of Edinburgh Castle there
“A close shave. I like that in a man.”
“But the big question I’d put to Scots voters is this: what will you use for toast in an independent Scotland? Think carefully about it because it really could be a matter of loaf and death.”
Oooh Ed, Johann will be beelin.
Mags… I heard you’re a bit of an Aardman ?
Aye Ed, yon there’s where they kept them prisoners; Colditz.
Oh dear Margrit, you should button up your jacket.
Ed: So where are Labour in Scotland right now?
Mags: North Britain.
Please Ed please. Jist one mer time. Promise I’ll no tell anyone.
Mags. ” Oh my God, wid ye look at that! So it’s true what they say. Yir heed really does button up at the back”
Ed. “Mention it to anyone and your ermine pension is off the table”
I fall to pieces, each time I hear your name
I fall to pieces,when will you make me a Dame
You know that I do what you want me to
You know that you just have to call
I fall to pieces, when will I be the Shettleston Dame
Apologies to Patsy Cline
I think I’ve pulled. Look, the dark haired one giggling, over there. Ow!
or
Keep your friends close and …
“here mate,ur you no that wee plasticene man wae the clever wee dug thats oan the telly every christmas”
Aw right doll, looking for business.
Good plan. Neither of us can be arsed to go to Scotland, so we’ve had ourselves PhotoShopped onto a photie of Embra Castle.
O/T
Since the Lies Lies Lies thread is kinda dead, I thought I’d post this here.
Owner of a couple of cafes where we supply daily newspapers. Today I cancelled the Daily Record for both. I contacted them and let them know (and why) their circulation has decreased by over 600 annually.
Every little helps.
Mags–where are the grouse and the deer?
Hey Mister! Are you that David Cameron?
O/T
No wonder the Scotsman’s circulation has plummeted any many good journalists are losing their jobs
link to archive.is
“Hey up Grommet, where’s the cheese?”
Aw, ah love that big nose o’ yours – let me stick you in the tracks and push ye up tae Haymarket!
@ Alex Taylor. I salute your commitment Alex. What papers do you still offer?
Ever thought of providing a few ipads to your customers (chained up if need be) and have WoS as the default webpage?
‘Why won’t you look at me darling?’
‘I’ve heard I’ll turn to stone’
Wins thread.
M: Do you want to go up the Mound?
E: BUCKET….QUICK!!
“Frankly my dear… I don’t give a damn!”
“A cracking barnett you’ve got there, Ed. If I had my way, I’d lop it off and distribute each strand according to a needs based formula, though Swinney is definitely staying bald.
“Ah want that one”
@ Keef
You’ve spotted my dilemma right away, We need to offer papers, AND THEY’RE ALL SHITE.’
Good idea with chained iPads. Let me think this through.
Maggie to Ed: “Ah’ll swap ye a castle for a joab!”
JoLo: Ed, Ed… Ed, if you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?
Ed: Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.
Mags: You can’t see yourself for what you really are! .. You are a powerful,
sexy, dynamic, colossus of a man. In other words, perfect.
Ed: .. I am, aren’t I?
Mags: And don’t let anyone, anyone! Ever take that away from you.
(With apologies to the writers of American sitcom Frasier :))
Don’t you think we might appear to be too far to the right?
You were amazing last night, but it’s a pity that Johann couldn’t be with us as she has run out of the morning after pill.
Alex Taylor – Nice one! And as they say ‘every little helps’, indeed 🙂
I am out on the piss. I am extr drunk. However, I have managed to identify 3 Yes voters, all of whom I thought were nailed-on Yesses.
Do it folks. Go out there and speak to people. They WANT to be convinced.
Mags: oh Ed, you are so tall and dark and strong and brave and amazingly handsome!. Will you be my Valentine, sorry I mean First Foot for the New Year?
Ed lets face it we’re fecked, Salmond has screwed us so what it there to lose?
“As far as you are concerned Margaret, I’m actually batting for the other side, so will you STOP blowing in my earhole !”
Magrit’s bubble: OOh ahh hot he’s tall lovely hair so smart so handsome standing so close to me………etc etc!
Ed’s bubble: BLANK……….
Doug Daniel says:
I am out on the piss. I am extr drunk. However, I have managed to identify 3 Yes voters, all of whom I thought were nailed-on Yesses.
Do it folks. Go out there and speak to people. They WANT to be convinced.
Impressive Doug. Extra drunk and you can still make a coherent post! I’d be slabbering like a poachers dog by now!!
I’ll assume those Yes voters were thought to be nailed on no’s?
Remarkable post all the same from someone pished! Kudos 🙂
But when I’m way up here
It’s crystal clear
That now I’m in a whole new world with you.
Naw that was no good. Rev 2
Ed, darling we’re fucked. It’s the boroo for you and me. Give it to me one more time.
“How’s aboot it, Ed? You and me. The Dream Team. Eh? Eh?”
“In yir dreams, Mags”
People yak-it-ti-yak a streak
and waste your time of day,
but Mister Ed will never speak,
unless he has something to say
This is a scene from the Labywood Studios classic Scotmid and Gromit
Ed – It’s great how they built the castle so close to the railway station…
Mags – Look just walk past and take a leaflet!
Ed- Looks like 30,000 to me.
Mags – Naw! 8,000 tops, here have a shot o ma better thegether specks!
I’m glad I’m out of there for the day. Those panda suits are hard work.
Hate tae say this but, ah kin see right through ye but…dinnae worry but…ah’ll no let on…xx
Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need
Och, you’ll have to do ye wee shite..
A lost Mags Curran asks stranger for direction to her constituency office.
Reference –
Labour Blunder Numero XXX
Indygal in Europe!
18 July 2008
link to indygalineurope.blogspot.co.uk
O/T
Livi folks: Why not explore the suburbs? Yes stall in Polbeth, outside Scotmid. 11am-1pm tomorrow (Sat). You know you want to….
Mags! (blushes)
Ed, have you heard of the Hootsmon?
link to bbc.co.uk
Love the last line; “The editor of the Scotsman, Ian Stewart, was unavailable for comment.”
…where have we heard that before? Irony or what. LOL
” Zat a pluke in yer ear?”
Chilly round the ramparts Big Man?
You smell so lovely Mr Khan !
Margaret Curran … “Fur fuck’s sake Ed, ah telt ye tae cover up that love bite oan yer neck.”
Ed Miliband … “Calm down dear. Our spin doctors have already sent out a press release explaining how I got attacked by a Rottweiler.
Margaret Curran … “Oh, Ed. Yer a cheeky wee prick !”
Ed, You’re no the king of the castle. Yer a dirty useless wee rascal.
Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.
Oh you’ve been speaking to Standard Life Ed? Ah thought they had moved to England after we got devolution.
I know this is wrong Edward but it it feels so right
can we? could we? should we?
Oh for gods sake Margaret stop
and tell them more lies
Oh thats a bonny job they’ve made of your nose Ed, fan are they going to finsh the rest of your face ?
wittering 🙁
Background theme tunes.
“Love is in the air.”
“The laughing gnome.”
“i’m nobodys child.”
“Tiptoe through the tulips.”
Well worth a listen folks…
link to bbc.co.uk
Take 1314. Action
“There are 20 million women in this island and I get to be chained to you”
No matter how hard he tried to learn his lines Ed failed to land a role in the 39 Steps remake.
yes master
Maigret:
“Tom Cruise? The only thing you’ve got in common wi Tom Cruise son is staunning on a box to get yer photie taken.”
or
“Ed! Sort her oot! Johann stole my fuchsia jaiket!”
@Alba4Eva
D Bateman on it if you haven’t read it
link to drderekbateman.wordpress.com
Ooh Maigrit, one could hang a Burberry duffle coat on those.
MC: Ed, you big stud, you wouldn’t lie to us like Tony and Gordon did, would you? (eyes flutter)
Ed: (through gritted teeth) errrr…. of course not, now smile for the nice camera
Ed, how do I claim Job Seekers Allowance?
Ed – “It is always nice to be back here visiting Glasgow”
She promised to follow him to the ends of the earth
He promised to arrange it
🙂
Ed: Who is Bobby?
“Nose job Mags … I said nose job”.
“Show Shorry Edd”
“Put your teeth back in woman for gods sake”.
Dithering shites.
Before the photoshoot , mags and ed were doing a crossword.
Mags says “whats a four letter word for a female ending in u.n.t?”
As he looks at the camera , ed whispers “aunt”
Mags looks up at him and says ” got any tippex?”
Her master’s voice.
better
Wittering shites
Oh! Ed you look so photoshopped (false).
@thomas
magic!
Don’t look right Ed there is one of those separatist flags on that building.
@HandandShrimp
Oh and another, oops and another …
MC : Ohh Ed, ‘lets get it ooaann’, we could make wondurful we socialist babies n at.
EM : Socialists ? .. I never signed up for that !
MC : Ed, Ed, Come back !! Ya wee snobby …
E’hm gagging fir it!
O/T
Nice wee snippet here
link to bellacaledonia.org.uk
Ed to stair heed ram my “what do us two and edinburgh castle have in common?”
“if the bloody scots vote yes we’ll be history too :)”
or
Ed “Is this Falkirk”
Mags “I don’t think so, I can’t remember where Falkirk is though”
Ed “Good, let’s say everything is under control, claim our expenses and get the hell out of here”
Mags “I love it when you are masterful”
Mags:”Ah luv it when your wedding ring tickles me THERE”
Ed: “Ring nothin’, that’s ma watch.”
(Sorry but I only know rude.)
Whit bit of that photo will have historical longevity
It’s old, it’s crumbling, it’s been part of all sorts of death and destruction. The castle has too.
Mags: “Mr Milliband, my lord and master, what am I allowed to say next?”
Ed: “Just don’t mention that f’n Scottish town, they’ll get bored and forget about it.”
Ed: Right then …. what’s your name… oh yes, right then Margaret, we need to make a positive contribution to Scotland or The Labour Party is finished”
Mags: “We could chuck ourselves over the balcony”
(Loud cheering in background)
Mags: “Once these fools vote No, we’ll give the castle to the Chinese to turn into a nuclear power station”
Ed: “Is that Windsor Castle? No? Shit. Where am I?”
I’ll stop now. Crossed too many lines.
“My, Gomit, this is a grand day out!”
(but I think you are wearing the wrong trousers!)
“Is that really a zipper on the back of his heid?”
The bachelor party. The whole night. It’s… Things got out of control and, uh… we lost.
Quo vadis, Domine?
Mags : Its gonna take a lot of wood to heat our new house Ed !
Ed : Its ok Mags, plenty of useless wood at Holyrood demolition site.
Mags: Gis a title so I can sit in the house of Lords and soak the taxpayers forever ya pr*ck.
O/T
Looks like the Herald has taken up the mantle of the BBC with the anti Scottish Government’s Health angle.
No truthful criticising comments allowed.
link to heraldscotland.com
M: Ed, pulease say it, just the once. I’d really like to hear you say it again. Its so inspiring, always perks me up, and reminds me of why I’m doing all these things I’m doing. What I’m lying through my teeth on the telly for.
E: No, you know I can’t say it here.
M: Oh Ed, You could whisper it, so nobody else will hear. Just for me. Pulease..
E: Oh ok: One Nation
Mags: All this could be yours Ed, if you will only say you’ll be mine.
– Russell says we should no vote
– You’re a trivial nation
Mags
Can a huv ma ermine noo. honest they wull vote naw.
Does it come whi matching knickers.
“Am no takin ma eyes aff this wan – he’s a backstabber!”
Ed they swines over at wings over Scotland will be making an arse o us the morra but a don’t care a luv ye a reely reely dae
here’s something to rip the BBC a new one with
this is the complaint raised with the BBC 10 minutes ago
In spite of my and I have no doubt others complaining of James Martin falsely claiming the Yorkshire was voted the third best place in the world to visit as stated on last weeks Saturday morning kitchen, I was really quite angry to hear that same falsehood stated again this morning,
now it would seem from his demeanor he knows it to be false but insists on repeating it in a facile and childish attempt to bait Scottish people (see how many complaints we can get) Might I remind Mr Martin he has a good and loyal fan base (my own wife included) in Scotland who see his feeble attempts at drawing out the Scots as mean and spiteful and quite beneath him, this complaint has gone from one of being a desire for the BBC to correct an error to a complaint about a deliberate falsehood the complaint reference number I copied and pasted straight from your response to me dated 02/11/13 CAS-2391419-3V4S14 was rejected as incorrect
I would seem to me Mr Martin has a desire to see his name on every independence websites in Scotland please assure him I am happy to oblige.
Magrit knew she had taken a huge gamble breaking into Madame Tussauds, but it was worth it just for this one photo.
“They cannot resist the power of the dark side my master!”
just sent an email to lonely Planet to let them know how Mr Martin is misquoting them, they might just like to know
community@lonelyplanet.com.au
wouldn’t it be a shame if this ended up airing our dirty linen in the worlds media 😉
” Aye , yer no bad lookin fur a furriner big man, want tae get in aboot ma proud Scottishness ?”
“Goodness me Ed, yer heid’s bigger than Edinbarra Castle!”
“Wiz this no the meetin place fur te get ane o they guid Wings badges?”
Cue the Titanic theme…
Cue the Titanic theme…
“You’re here, there’s nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We’ll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on”
what a cringin sycophantic fighter of the working class she is.
Ho Ed you can do to me whit Westminster has been doing to Scotland for eons, and no KY needed either
Ed, I am your mother!
One swallow doesn’t make….
you my girlfriend
Does my bung look big in this?
Grangemouth? Govan? Never heard of them. I’m here to see the Pandas!
Ed – ‘My dear, doesn’t Stirling Castle look marvelous this time of year?’
Mags – ‘Eh, aye…..sure. Did you no used tae have a dug or something?’
I wonder if he knows who I am, and what I do?
From a voice up in the Castle; “You dinny frighten us, English pig-dog! Go ‘n bile yer bottom, son ae a silly person! Ah blow mah nose at ye, so-called Ed Milli-theeng, you and aw yer silly English K-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-niggits!
[makes taunting gestures at them]
…I dinny wanna talk tae ye nae mare, ya empty-heeded animal food trough wiper! Ah fart in yer general direction! Yer mother was a hamster… is that her beside ye? …’n yer father smelt ae elderberries!
Mags: “That’s a right cold wind blowing through my hair.”
Ed: “Try wearing knickers.”
I’ll get my coat.
Q- How do you know when stairheed has an orgasm?
A- She drops her chips
Movie Guy Voice – ‘In the Summer of 2014 the world is in chaos. Separatist rebels are rising in the outter provinces hell-bent on destroying the greatest Union the world has ever known. Led by the obnoxious Dictator Eck, these scum will stop at nothing to seize doesn’t belong to them. Only one man ( and his dog) stands in their way and he’ll sacrifice every shred of decency, party policy his very life to protect his expenses, pension, easy-lifestyle of doing fucking nothing people.’
‘Braveheart 2 Highlander Rising: The Real Wallace’ – 2014 Starring Ed Milliband, Mags Curran, Johann Lamont, [Someone Rennie], Dictator Eck and some extras. ( A Taylor Film Production).
‘It’s the ultimate battle of (righteous) Plasticine versus (bastard’n separatist) Cholesterol‘ – Call Kaye
‘Really puts those jock bastards in their place‘ – The Telegraph
‘Try sponging off us now! Tartan wearing Haggis munchers!’ – Daily Mail
‘Dictator Eck! FAT! PEOPLE OF SCOTLAND. CHINESE STEEL! OBSESSION! OBSESSION!‘ – Johann Lamont of Scottish Labour
‘This film will be played in every primary school in Scotland for generations as a shining example of the true face of Scottish Separation. 5 Stars.‘ – BBC Scotlandshire
[Filmed entirely on location in Somerset]
So why do they call you “stairheid” Mags?
Ram me Ed an’ ye’ll find oot!
Mags, (pished) HANDAAAAAAAA EEYAEEYAAA WULL ALWAYS LUV YOOOOOOO OHOOOOOO!
This film will be played in every primary school in Scotland for generations as a shining example of the true face of Scottish Separation. 5 Stars.‘ – BBC Scotlandshire
I don’t think it’s right to just make up quotes and attribute them to other people…
For s foreigner i understand you quite well
Staring at the Edinburgh cringe
Wallace and Gromit, played now by Bill Nighy, pose for photographers and film fans at the Edinburgh Film Festival ahead of the premiere of their latest release “Where’s the Fucking Wensleydale?”
Maigrit. “Yir faither wiz a furriner, and we are leaning against a Pole!
FFS, Johann, take the batteries oot!”
Do you think anybody woud notice if we moved the castle to Portsmouth?
@BBC Scotlandshire
Many apologies for attempting to do your job for you.
I’ll follow your example and retract the quote in about 6 months with a very small and well hidden editorial apology sometime in 2015. Seem fair?
ed- fucksake hawkeye thought you said this is easterhouse?
mags it is this is the outdoor centre
ed outdoor centre hello no houses
mags here try my specks on
ed specks heat re-entery shields morelike
Awwh Eddd, sweep me aff ma feet n kerry me back tae that huge hoose of yours…
“Milliband says he loves the taste of well aged Haggis”.
Sorry :p
” Right hen, let me do the talking, you just stand there and look good, ah what was I thinking, you can put lipstick on a pig…..”
Gottle o’ geer!
“OH Rhett, please tell me how your hair does not go in the wind like mind does ? “
Teeth in or teeth oot Ed? You decide love.
It’s a longshot Margaret……………but it just might work!
Oh… Heathcliff !
Ah’ve jist fun’oot wherr Wee Johann hides when she’s asked tae comment oan anythin’ – therr she is up yer hooter!
@ Jamie Arriere, 8.11.2013 at 11.30pm
Ed: Shall we go to Arthur’s Seat?
M : Stuff Arthur, I’ve enough problems haudin oan tae ma own seat. Rememmer Ah’m the only person who can lose a seat in the East End of Glesca tae a Mason!!
To my mind, this was the best one. I was visiting my parents when I read this and major coffee-keyboard moment! 😀
My dad wanted to know what was so funny and I tried to explain:
“Well, that’s Ed, the Labour leader in Westminster, and that’s Edinburgh Castle and Arthur’s Seat is this big hill in the heart of Edinburgh…” By the time I’d explained that a seat also means a place in Parliament and who and what Mags Curran is and John Mason is and what’s the significance of the name Mason and… Well, let’s just say that the joke doesn’t translate into Finnish 😀 It’s got so many levels and requires so much local knowledge. Afterwards I was not a bit proud that I’d got it right away.
Thanks, everyone else, too, for a fair few laughs and giggles on this dreich day! 😀
“So what brings you to Edinburgh, Mr Portillo?”