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A helping hand

Posted on July 11, 2013 by

You’re not too late to catch Alistair Darling’s latest unveiling of “the positive case for the Union” via a live webcast on the “Better Together” website this morning. As we write he’s 10 minutes late, and the audience is rocketing towards triple figures.

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We’re all playing bingo. Come and join us.

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90 to “A helping hand”

  1. Craig P says:

    How many viewers is that once BT members and journalists are counted for? Nearly double figures?

    Reply
  2. Doug Daniel says:

    More like nearly single figures, I suspect.

    Reply
  3. MajorBloodnok says:

    Was up up at 104 but then dropped to 98 whilst it was on.  The blank screen, strange scrabbling noises round the mike, the muffled mumbling in the background and dropped service probably aren’t helping. I wonder how many viewers BT will claim tuned in?

    Actually, after I’d watched the 25 second advert for the National Geographic channel I lost interest.

    Reply
  4. Tattie-boggle says:

    Ian Taylors money must be gone, The webcast has a two paper cup and string quality to it.
    on 100meg broadband

    Reply
  5. Sonas says:

    Ooh, I posted on the last thread without realising this was here….
    I have a source who claimed they were expecting 250 people this morning (live at the event I mean, not on the viewer thingy whatsit)
    I will ask for a count afterwards.

    Reply
    • Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

      “I have a source who claimed they were expecting 250 people this morning (live at the event I mean”

      Picture here:

      link to twitter.com

      Suggests max of maybe 120-ish in total. (84 visible in shot.)

      Reply
  6. CameronB says:

    And they expect us to have confidence in their judgement? Major Facepalm.

    Reply
  7. Ericmac says:

    Better watching the Shard ascent
    link to iceclimb.savethearctic.org

    Reply
  8. Ellie says:

    You know if you stare at those lines long enough you can start to see images appearing….try it!

    Reply
  9. Ally says:

    Am I the only one that is getting no picture? Either that or he has NOTHING possitive to say – thought as much!
    STU – you do realise that WOS has just boosted the viewing figure?

    Reply
  10. G. Campbell says:

    Better Together – brought to you by Web 0.000000002.

    Reply
  11. Is this coming from the same bunker where Johann has been for the last wee while?

    Reply
  12. G. Campbell says:

    And I thought Virgin Media’s youtube streaming problems were bad.

    Reply
  13. Yesitis says:

    *blows an eerie wind sound for effect*
    There goes the tumbleweed…

    Reply
  14. Sonas says:

    No, I am getting a spinny wheel and a frozen, extremely fuzzy picture of Captain Flipper. Dammit – I was really looking forward to that too.

    Reply
  15. Sonas says:

    Must admit the venue does look busy from the pic on twitter.

    Reply
  16. MajorBloodnok says:

    I can sing a rainbow too.

    Reply
  17. G. Campbell says:

    I hope the Rev is screengrabbing all the most exciting moments.

    Reply
  18. Ally says:

    The wheels are going round – but nothing is coming out! Hang on – that’s their overall strategy is it not?

    Reply
  19. G. Campbell says:

    Better Together will be putting up ten 200kb GIF animations later on for those who couldn’t access the stream.

    Reply
  20. Ray says:

    I hope Darling apologises on Twitter for this catastrophe. Him and his cronies went on about it all yesterday. I missed my chance to go to the van for soup so I could watch a blank screen. Nobbers!

    Reply
  21. Clarinda says:

    Clicked on to see the viewer numbers whizz forward from 133 to 149 – are they implementing the Glenrothes Gazump Accumulator?

    Reply
  22. Sonas says:

    “Picture here:
    link to twitter.com
    Suggests max of maybe 120-ish in total. (84 visible in shot.)”
     
    Here is a photo of the empty venue:
    link to flickr.com
    – I will post pic of paint drying in a moment 🙂
    full capacity is 300

    Reply
    • Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

      “Here is a photo of the empty venue:”

      Nice one. Looks like 16 rows of 15, so 240 seated.

      Reply
  23. Embradon says:

    Is there no live coverage of paint drying or grass growing available?

    Reply
  24. scottish_skier says:

    Fair few empty seats in the photo (right hand side shows this obviously).
    And does anyone else find the slogan ‘We belong together’ weird and creepy?

    Reply
  25. Dave McEwan Hill says:

    Surely some body there should have waved a Saltire. We’ll need to sharpen up. Seriously though this frenzy about Salmond’s  Wimbeldon Saltire can be used to great advantage.
    It is now firmly established as the independence flag
    I’m a way out for a pole to hoist mine in my garden  (and I think I may put up two).

    Reply
  26. tattie-boggle says:

    @ clarinda problems in Glenrothes coming soon

    Reply
  27. Dcanmore says:

    11.30am and now at 78 views, well 77 now that I’ve left 🙂

    Reply
  28. Jim Mitchell says:

    We also now know why Better Together have been concentrating on all the doom and gloom, because when it comes to all this lovey-dovey stuff, their even worse

    Reply
  29. Sonas says:

    I think it’s all over.
     
    Fuzzy picture of abandoned lectern. Quite poignant really.

    Reply
  30. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    120 ish
     
    20 journos
    20 Bitter Together and Labour locals
    60 a double decker bus full up from Newcastle on a work experience jolly
    20 infiltrators

    Reply
  31. Dcanmore says:

    Maybe this is an existential speech on the positive case for the union where nobody actually turns up to say anything because it is reflective of the silent majority that are not shouty nationalists… or something. 

    Reply
  32. Ally says:

    We apologise for the lack of possitivity – In the meantime here’s some music!



     
    The Bitter Together team
     

    Reply
  33. Doug Daniel says:

    120 folk? So that’ll be 250 in BetterTogether arithmetic then.

    Reply
  34. Adrian B says:

    I bet most of the on line ‘viewers’ were trying to access the thing from this site. They don’t appear to be terribly well organised at this ‘technology thing’
     
    Bunch of idiots.

    Reply
  35. mealer says:

    No sign of the jaikit in the audience.I thought I’d spied it,but its just a sleeveless top.I think I saw her off coronation street in the back row.

    Reply
  36. Cath says:

    You almost have to feel sorry for Darling. He seems to be being nobbled from all angles by his own side. That “we’ll annex parts of Argyll and force weapons on you” the night before his speech and the rapid climb down on that just before it must have had him tearing his hear out.
     
    Still, couldn’t happen to a nicer bloke…

    Reply
  37. Boorach says:

    @ Scottish Skier
     
    it’s a message for his Mrs, rumour has it……. 🙂

    Reply
  38. G. Campbell says:

    Better Together @UK_Together 5m
    Thanks to everyone that followed our live tweets & livestream – apologies for any technical problems at the start #BetterTogether

    At the start? I got bugger all all the way through.

    Reply
  39. G. Campbell says:

    Better Together: brilliant at rigging Scotsman polls; shit at moving pictures.

    Reply
  40. It’s nice that they will let you watch an advert before they return you to the offline screen. Adverts appearing before the content I want to see is really my favourite part of the internet. I can’t get enough of that.

    Reply
  41. Luigi says:

    AD’s expression – what is he thinking?
     
    “How do I convince these empty chairs that we belong together?”

    Reply
  42. G. Campbell says:

    Blue State Digital my arse.

    Craig Whyte IT services, more like – technology off the scale.

    Reply
  43. ianbrotherhood says:

    ‘We Belong Together’ is pure Iceberg Slim/50 Cent pimp-talk.
     
    Sad.

    Reply
  44. G. Campbell says:

    Better Together to come back as a newco: Better Thegether

    Reply
  45. Steve Stew says:

    Emradom
    link to pattiann.com
    although personally i prefer grass growing
    link to watching-grass-grow.com

    Reply
  46. Luigi says:

    Join BT and exercise those thumbs!

    Reply
  47. Edward Barbour says:

    One thing I noticed in the picture posted by the Rev, was the number of dark suit’s
    Can only conclude that the man in the street in Glasgow likes to dress formally for these events

    Reply
  48. CameronB says:

    @ Sonas
    Are you sure the capacity is 300? I can’t see how you could squeeze in 250 seats.

    Reply
  49. pa_broon74 says:

    I’m not sure why Darling does these, its not exactly advancing the cause of TB. I mean who’s going to consciously decide to attend something like this? If he’s counting on his statesman-like image to draw folk in, I think he’ll be disappointed.
     
    Its not exactly reaching out is it? It sounds more like an exercise in self-assurance than any thing else. It would be less boring if they all just congregated in a room, gave each other hugs and said ‘there there’. 

    Reply
  50. Marker Post says:

    What’s interesting is that no one gives a shit about what he has to say, we know the crap that comes out of his mouth already.

    Reply
  51. Luigi says:

    I’m not sure why Darling does these,
     
    AD is trying to show the world that he is still relevant. 
     
    Flipper will go the same way as the original 1960s show bearing that name. You know, the one that noone watches?

    Reply
    • Bugger (the Panda) says:

      You mean Flipper is dead?
       
       
      What about Skippy?

      Reply
  52. G. Campbell says:

    AngusBMacNeilMP @AngusMacNeilMP
    Scottish Press Pack being entertained by Tory/Lib Scottish Office in London for 2 days… if Scot Gov do that imagine the indignation lol 🙂

    AngusBMacNeilMP @AngusMacNeilMP
    About now Scottish Off ministers will be telling the Scot Press Pack (who the are entertaining for 2 days for 1st time ever) tall tales 🙂

    AngusBMacNeilMP @AngusMacNeilMP 5h
    @tartangladbach 2 days of Scot journalists paid for by UK gov a minister told me – none from Wales or NI – it will be in press soon 😉
    link to twitter.com

    Holyrood hacks on tour, 9th July (from Alan Roden’s twitter)
    link to 4.bp.blogspot.com

    Left to right:
    ?, Hamish McDonnell, Colin Mackay (Bauer Scotland stations), Glenn Campbell (probably not)?, ?, ?, ?, ?, Alan Roden (Mail)?, Kieran Andrews (Courier)?, David Clegg (Record)?, Simon Johnson (Telegraph)

    The one on the far left looks a bit like a porkier Ramsay Jones, UK Government Special Advisor for Scotland, but it probably isn’t, but could be.

    Ramsay Jones to Kieran Andrews: “I’ll show you the others when I see you!”
    link to twitter.com

    Scottish Tory chief spin doctor Ramsay Jones suspended
    link to bbc.co.uk

    I wonder if Ramsay is the source mentioned in the English love-bombing story in today’s papers. He probably isn’t, but could be.

    Reply
  53. Taranaich says:

    ‘We Belong Together’ is pure Iceberg Slim/50 Cent pimp-talk.
     
    Indeed, Ian. It also has a lot of the Orwellian about it (“we have always been at war with Eastasia…”) and, of course, the appeal to tradition (“we’ve been together 300 years, why break up now?”) and acceptance of the status quo (“change is scary.”)
     
    Gah.

    Reply
  54. John Lyons says:

    I’m not a Beatles fan, but this seems hugely appropriate.
     
    He’s a real nowhere man,
    Sitting in his nowhere land
    Making all his nowhere plans for nobody….

    Reply
    • Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

      National Collective reporting that the room was about half-empty (eyewitness account), so it looks like the 120 guess won’t be far off the mark.

      Reply
  55. scottish_skier says:

    We belong together.

    That can be said in two ways. Once’s nice, about love. The other’s what the partner that’s just microwaved your bunny says after you’ve told them its over.

    Both are just as weird and creepy in this context.
     

    Reply
  56. Sonas says:

    @Cameron
     
    I’m not sure how it seats 300, but you can hire out the hall and accoriding to the official blurb the capacity is 300. I agree with the Rev’s estimate of 240.
     
    I’ve heard that the place was indeed very busy – packed out with BT/local Labour etc. No shortage of them in Glasgow…

    Reply
  57. Jamie Arriere says:

    This is the venue. The BT photo is probably taken from the back of the audience, so someone can work it out
     
    link to gla.ac.uk

    Reply
  58. John Lyons says:

    “Both are just as weird and creepy in this context.”
     
    And that’s before we get to Cameron calling for England to Lovebomb us whatever the hell that is. Sound like your bunny boiler if I can’t have you no-one can approach….
     
    link to heraldscotland.com

    Reply
  59. wullie says:

    we’ve been together 300 years, why break up now
    We were apart for much much longer and life in Scotland was a lot better

    Reply
  60. CameronB says:

    @ Sonas
    Strange one that. Perhaps there are seats we can’t count?
     
    P.S. I don’t mean to be abrupt or picky, but could you please remember the B at the end. I added it to avoid confusion when we are all talking about Dave. Although I am unlikely to be confused with someone who considers North Korea to be a serious threat, lets be safe. Thanks.
    link to guardian.co.uk

    Reply
  61. HighlandMartin says:

    I watched an advert for Simple soap.  These webcasts work because I went for a shower instead of waiting.

    Reply
  62. Braco says:

    Ianbrotherhood,

    snap!

    My thoughts were, Sport the pimp (Harvey Keitel) in ‘Taxi driver’ creepily mumbling sexy sweet nothings into the ear of 14 year old hooker Jody Foster.

    ‘We belong together baby’

    Charming!

    Reply
  63. Braco says:

    We belong together
    BetterNO have scooped the support of Pat Benatar!  We are sunk.

    Reply
  64. Sonas says:

    @CameronB
     
    Sure – apols. Just being lazy. Will remember the B. Certainly understand your keenness to avoid being confused with call-me-dave.

    Reply
  65. Currywurst says:

    Er, he was speaking at 10.30 on a work day. Exactly who would be watching live?

    Reply
  66. CameronB says:

    Is this what they mean by “We belong together”?
    link to youtube.com

    @ Sonas
    To be honest, I wasn’t bothered. Just though you offered a handy segue. 🙂

    Reply
  67. Max says:

     
    Looks someone stuck a Saltire behind Darling. Is that allowed?

    Reply
  68. JLT says:

    Rev,
     
    What make me laugh about that photo, is that it is captioned ‘An Incredible Turnout’
     
    120 folk …incredible! What! God, things must be desperate for Bitter Together if 120 folk is incredible!!

    Reply
    • Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

      “120 folk …incredible! What! God, things must be desperate for Bitter Together if 120 folk is incredible!!”

      To be fair, it was in some remote, out-of-the-way wee village called Glasgow.

      Reply
  69. Andy-B says:

    Alistair Darling is a guest writer in the Daily Record today
     
    With a half page article, with large bold letters stating “We need to look after our friends in the South“….my question is havent we been doing that for 40 years now.

    Reply
  70. proudscot says:

    What’s the odds the Bitter Together lot, aided by the anti-indy press and media, will be desperately “downsizing” the September pro-indy gathering in Edinburgh? Remember how last year, they almost halved the estimated attendance, while at the same time claiming a “large” anti-indy counter demo, consisting of half a dozen or so youths in Rangers tops waving their Butcher’s Apron Union Flag? Incidentally, any sightings of the invisible quasi leaderene, Wee Johann – or is she still cowering in her soundproofed bunker?

    Reply
  71. I’ve dissected the full text of Darling’s document launched this morning in Captain Darling Tries to Polish the Turd.

    Reply
  72. Jiggsbro says:

    Er, he was speaking at 10.30 on a work day. Exactly who would be watching live?
     
    No one. Which nicely illustrates the judgement of the BT crew: a live webcast when no one would be watching. It must make you so proud.

    Reply
  73. lumilumi says:

    Darling’s speech wasn’t meant for an audience, live or online. He gave it so that BBC Pacific Quay and the Scottish MSM could report it.

    Reply
  74. CameronB says:

    And they couldn’t even manage to pull off a live webcast. Perhaps Bond and M were right to head for Scotland?
     
    In the absence of Captain D, please allow me to present the positive case for the Union.

    Reply
  75. The Rough Bounds says:

    It reminds me of that Chic Murray line: ”I went to see a show. It was so boring that six empty seats got up and walked out”.

    Reply
  76. Andy-B says:

    @Cameron B
     
    Very funny ..hahahahah!….good one..
     
    Then again I suppose we’ve more chance of seeing a unicorn than Peter Brady….Aka Johann Lamont…in the near future.

    Reply
  77. lumilumi says:

    @CameronB
     
    The next scare story from BT?
     
    “Independent Scotland won’t have unicorns.”

    Reply
  78. Ian Mackay says:

    The University of Glasgow link gives the tiered theatre layout a maximum 301 capacity. And £930 for the hire alone, presumably more costs in travel, presentation, branding etc.
    The twitter picture does suggest about 120 folk.
    On that basis on rough cost per person, Alastair Darling would be cheaper just going round Glasgow saying ‘I’ll give you a tenner if you vote No!’. ‘Please??? What about twenty???’

    Outright bribery would seem to be Better Together’s best remaining bet. After all, it worked in 1707. And they are a parcel of rogues in a nation.
     

    Reply
  79. The Scouder says:

    I thought that the phrase sounded familiar….
     


    Reply
  80. CameronB says:

    Perhaps BT launched ‘Project Fear’ after discovering a rich seam of Kim Il Sung’s daily ablutions. I am sure he must have, even if I’m not sure there is a positive case to be made for the Union. Pity BT couldn’t deliver on their promise to communicate this most elusive of truths.
     
    I wonder what flavour of jam it will be and when it might arrive?

    Reply
  81. ianbrotherhood says:

    @Roddy Macdonald (4.34)-
     
    Appreciate your take on it as I’m pretty-much certain that I won’t view the event or read the transcript.
     
    “…union, and devolution within it, safeguard Scotland’s interests and preserve our identity.”
     
    So – that was the highlight then?
     
    Oh dear.
     
    Continuing with the pimp/hooker analogy suggested by that disturbing ‘We Belong Together’ slogan, the ‘devolution within union’ nirvana he offers sounds more like a pervert telling his gimp that he’s free to wander about the sub-basement during office hours. (Of course, being allowed outside is out of the question.)
     
    Did anyone identify other ‘highlights’ worth pondering?

    Reply
  82. Angus says:

    Isn’t it odd that the great leader of the positive better together campaign, tory (or is it labour-same thing) MP alistair darling can barely get double figures interested in a live broadcast and yet the Scotsman newspaper manages to get er, ‘39,000’ people to vote in favour of some ‘no’ campaign bollocks scotsman polls………………..overnight in about seven hours?
    A lot more than their woefully continuously dwindling circulation figures?
    Hmmmmm

    Reply
  83. Taranaich says:

    Is this what they mean by “We belong together”?



     
    Heh, maybe they’re going for the baby boomer crowd:



     
     

    Reply
  84. Patrick Roden says:

    @Ianbrotherhood
    One of the highlights for me was when Alistair waxed lyrical about ‘Britain’s NHS’ ( eh?)
    and how this showed we all belonged together.
     
    I just hope none of they nasty cybernats I’ve heard about,  mention that Alistair has been getting paid a large wedge from a private health company that is promoting the privatisation of that very same NHS.

    Reply
  85. Shinty says:

    I wonder what flavour of jam it will be and when it might arrive?
    Dry toast for you jocks and be grateful for it! (wee smiley thing)

    Reply


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