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In through the out door

Posted on February 12, 2015 by

The Daily Mash, 12 February 2015:


Because a good satirist can sometimes make a point better in seven sentences than idiots like us can in a 1000-word article, and make it funny at the same time.

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    1. 12 02 15 17:43

      In through the out door - Speymouth

    58 to “In through the out door”

    1. Murray McCallum says:

      “That’s the beauty of the first-past-the-post system. It’s so straightforward.”

      Classic sign off to a genius article.

    2. blackhack says:

      Just bang the votes in for wee nicky and her chums, and we’ll take it from there.

    3. robert urquhart says:

      Now that’s what I call satire.

    4. uilleam_beag says:

      Sometimes you need to look at the reflection in the crooked mirror of satire to see the world as it really is.

    5. Grizzle McPuss says:

      Many a politician will be twirling their curling moustache in a menacing manner and exclaiming…

      “Drat, foiled again…nothing gets past this pesky electorate”

    6. Perfidious Albion says:

      Eight sentences, laddie. Eight sentences.

    7. No no no...Yes says:

      Clever stuff. The irony is that the London based parties want to confuse the voters into apathy.

      Vote SNP for Scotland wins it for me

    8. steveasaneilean says:

      Gotta love a dose of the Daily Mash.

      But still nothing beats what I think is the best article they wrote:

      So funny I printed it off and framed it

    9. Rev. Stuart Campbell says:

      “Eight sentences, laddie. Eight sentences.”

      I’m counting anything with a quote in it as one sentence.

    10. Lollysmum says:

      And they wonder why people don’t bother to vote.

    11. Macart says:

      Neatly done. 🙂

    12. think again says:

      Based on this can anyone tell me how to get a postal vote for Rochester and Strood?

    13. JLT says:

      If you didn’t laugh …you would weep!

    14. Sinky says:


      Murphy being bankrolled by London and branch office following London’s political agenda

      A leading New Labour donor is to fund the party’s fightback in Scotland as it attempts to avoid losing dozens of crucial seats to the SNP.

      Sir David Garrard, who was embroiled in a “cash for honours” scandal under the previous government, is preparing to make a big donation to Jim Murphy in coming weeks.

      David Garrard’s Wikipedia entry has been wiped out / sanitised with no background information. Why? But I am sure some instigative journalist will do some digging and BBC 2015 or Bernard Crick will an attack dog piece rather savaging a 20 year novice!

      Lord Fink is a member of the Friends of Israel along with David Garrard and Jim Murphy.

      The Labour election machine is now on full alert. On Monday January 19 Ed Miliband and his staff moved the leader’s office from the Commons to party HQ at Brewers Green just off Victoria Street. And there they will stay until they know the outcome.

      The polls continue to suggest that the health service remains either the first or second voter priority and with A & E figures deteriorating further Labour will not change its focus.

      Miliband will chair the daily gathering of shadow ministers including Douglas Alexander, chair of strategy, Lucy Powell, his deputy and former Miliband chief of staff, Ed Balls and Harriet Harman.

    15. ronnie anderson says:

      Rite own up Cmon who let Larry Grayson in here
      Shut that door.

    16. jimnarlene says:

      Satire? I thought it was Labours campaign strategy.

    17. HandandShrimp says:

      That is the whole 2015 campaign in a nutshell. I did say over on the Groaniard that I intended to vote for the party I wanted and was greeted with a wave of horror from a number of hacks who clearly think I should vote for who they want.

    18. Croompenstein says:

      @Sinky –

      Lord Fink is a member of the Friends of Israel

      Please tell me his first name is Bat… 😀

    19. boris says:

      O/T; The marked increasing incidence of recurring catastrophic leadership disasters in the, “UK Civil Service” is of concern. Very many inadequate civil servants are/have been promoted well beyond their abilities, through their shadowy, “Common Purpose” network contacts. Hence the increasing number of financial, transport, media, immigration and other disasters which have and continue to blight the UK. The UK civil service, put in place by the public, charged with the mission always to serve their needs is not fit for purpose. A Scottish, civil service, with no ties to Westminster, clear of the tentacles of “Common Purpose” would better serve Scotland.

    20. Lollysmum says:

      Morag is being interviewed about Lockerbie by Independence Live at 7pm

    21. caz-m says:

      Ronnie Anderson

      From earlier on today Ronnie, I remember Edinburgh MP Ian Murray getting photographed during the Referendum Campaign. I thought it was as Sash he was wearing, but it this:-

      Hearts FC is his local Team but I bet you Glasgow Rangers is his “other” team.

      You’re keepin me on the right track again Ronnie.

    22. Cuddis says:

      I share the Daily Mash’s pain.

      It would be easier to pin down the non-mystic elements of a Jim Murphy policy than to decide who to vote for come May. Back in my day, you gave your bookie’s pencil a pensive sook and made a scratch against your preferred candidate. Job done. Well, not any more apparently.

      It is now considered risible to vote SNP simply because you think they will best represent Scotland’s interests at Westminster. Far better to vote Labour they say, to avoid getting the Tories. Apparently this is what’s called realpolitik. Now I am not sure if this realpolitik thingy quite butters my scone but as my head zips up the back I suppose it’s worth considering.

      This is partly down to cowardice I must admit. I haven’t slept since the rumour started orbiting the Twat-o-sphere that Labour activists (possibly both of them) planned on targeting SNP voters outside polling booths, slipping them leaflets proclaiming ‘You are about to vote for a party whose entire cabinet would fondle Beelzebub’s conkers in the upper circle of Her Majesty’s Theatre during the Christmas pantomime if selling the party’s soul meant cleaving the Union in twain’.

      This was worrying. I contacted BBC Scotland hoping for clarity. They regaled me with their balanced reporting fact of the day: that every SNP voter, as a condition of membership, is compelled to suckle at the teats of the nine-horned beast in a dungeon near Strichen. ‘Remember’, they cautioned, ‘a vote for the SNP is a vote for Mephistopheles’.

      That swung it. No way did I want Auld Nick at Holyrood.

      And if I vote Labour I’ll get the free Irn Broon Lucky Bag. In exchange for the mere surrender of my critical faculties and the general abandonment of everything I have ever believed in, or lived for, I’ll get the basic Vow, Vow plus, Smith squared, and five pledges. And that’s on top of Lord Smiffy’s commitment to deliver the powerhousiest parliament in Christendom. I doubt if Nicola ‘so-called’ Sturgeon could match that.

      There. I feel better now. All this ‘vote Tweedledee get Tweedledum’ stuff was making my brain feel as if it had been hurtled round the Large Heedrum-a-Hodrum Collider a couple of billion times before being smashed into a quark.

      I reckon others might benefit from this method too, risk free. Say for example you are a Willie Rennie enthusiast. In this case, you might vote for the Monster Raving Looney Party in the vague belief that this will return a lib-dem government. If so, you are covered. Because even your bold move accidentally lets the MRLP in by the back door, ushering in a minority Conservative government propped up by lunatics, the MRLP’s policies differ from those of the lib-dems only to the extent that one trouser leg differs from another. And everybody else wins too since Willie Rennie will be on Job Seekers Allowance. Win-win-win-win-win!

      Anyway, time to go. If matron catches me out of my bed it’ll be the ice-bucket challenge and a night in the stocks for yours truly.

    23. Another Union Dividend says:

      caz-m says:
      12 February, 2015 at 7:21 pm

      Edinburgh South Labour MP Ian Murray’s true allegiances can been gauged from this picture.

      What is more revealing is that none of our supine press corps has taken him to task over his recruitment of staff from tax avoidance specialists.

      Ian Murray is currently using the services of a seconded member of staff from the accountancy giant PwC, worth £45,000. Only last week the chairman of the Commons Public Accounts Committee said it was ‘inappropriate’ to accept unpaid help from the firm accused by MPs of promoting tax avoidance schemes on an ‘industrial scale’.

    24. CameronB Brodie says:

      Surely there’s a silent “P”? 🙂

      Charles Tranum – Rat Pfink Theme

    25. FairFerfochen says:

      @Cullis ;-D

    26. ronnie anderson says:

      @ Cuddis thats mair than the seven sentences at the top o the thread wance you start theres nae stopin you,good goan awe the same lol.

    27. ronnie anderson says:

      @ caz-m 7.21. noo you are tryin tae wind me up wie that photo,ma photo wie Pamela might not be as colourful ahem ahem but the language wiz lol.

    28. Tam Jardine says:

      Labour want the UK to be like the states – a two party system. In fact, scratch that – Scottish labour thought Scotland was a one party region. Trouble is they have failed and Scottish people have woken up.

      The absurdity highlighted by the Daily Mash is how much some parliamentarians hate democracy and the public. If the labour and lib dem constituency MPS have been working hard for their constituents then they have nothing to fear. Relying on 2nd or 3rd preference votes in a first past the post system smacks of desperation and deception.

      Why are they so afraid of the judgement of the honest people of this land? Surely Margaret Curran (for example) just needs to point to her voting record, her attendance, her good work in her constituency and her selfless furthering of their interests during her tenure and she’ll be a shoe-in.

      Or is that what she is afraid of highlighting, hence vote for me or else….

      Pathetic. Kick her out, Glaswegians. Kick em all out.

    29. Rock says:


      Morag is being interviewed about Lockerbie by Independence Live at 7pm”

      I predict with 99.99% confidence that the ruling will be something like:

      ‘Therefore, the court rules that a new appeal is not justified.’

      And I will be very happy to be proven wrong.

    30. ronnie anderson says:

      Well done to Dr Morag Kerr on her Livestream interview easely understandable logic.

    31. jimnarlene says:

      Thanks for that, I’m still chuckling.

    32. Lollysmum says:

      Thanks for the heads up on Ms Currans Facebook account-384 posts on her latest posting. Think she’s going for the record 😉 Great stuff. Couldn’t happen to a nicer more deserving person.

      Practically all of them refer to hers & Labour’s lies.

      Makes you wonder how Labour MP’s manage to sleep at night!
      Has anyone noticed how little Labour MSP’s are showing in the news just lately. Conspicuous by their absence it seems to me.

    33. Lollysmum says:

      Tam Jardine
      All governments are afraid of the people.

      That’s why the Arab Spring happened, Podemos was born & Syriza. All signs that the people in those countries have woken up to the corruption & lies in their governments. We are the same but still a bit behind the curve but Scotland is getting there.

      England (where I live) is miles behind Scotland though. They are the ones who need to wake up & see what is happening to them & in their name.Scotlan’s indyref debate made Scots look about them & much of what they saw they didn’t like so we saw the support for left leaning parties increase. England is nowhere near that stage yet except perhaps in the North of England.They want indy too!

    34. Lollysmum says:

      As I understand it there won’t be an appeal as the condition for being repatriated back to Libya was that Megrahi had to withdraw his appeal.

      Having said that I don’t believe he was guilty anyway-there are just too many unanswered questions that were never looked at during the trial. My feeling is that he was a convenient scapegoat.

    35. Lollysmum says:

      @ Ronnie Anderson
      Yes you’re right Ronnie,I found it fascinating.I learned more tonight & from the article she did for iScot magazine than I did from all the press coverage at the time of & since the bombing happened.

    36. caz-m says:

      Another Union Dividend

      Corruption and fraud at Westminster is rife. For proof you just have to listen to Ed and Dave accusing each other of who has the most corrupt Ministers in their Party.

      And the corruption goes all the way down to your local Unionist MP.

      And another thing,

      Why do we have Scottish Unionist MPs?
      What duty do Unionist MPs perform at Westminster on Scotland’s behalf?
      Do we need Scottish Unionist MPs at Westminster.

      Because, as far as I can see, Scottish Unionist MPs only want to tow the Westminster Party line.

    37. ronnie anderson says:

      BBC/STV reporting on the new borders railway. Whits that they said a railway built on time & oan budget.

      Diz this SNP Goverment know whit they’re dain,mark ma words there,ll be job losses fae this thoosands n thoosands in the Envelope manufacturers job losses on the Broon envelope line,

      An no jist that it olso has a effect oan the Oil industry sales of grease will drap mair people losing their jobs.

      An whit aboot the recycle’d paper industry that supply,s the broon paper,thooosands of job losses.

      Next thing we know they,ll be building Bridges oan time & Under Budget £3million under budget, nae good will come o they,re carry oan an its awe the faut o that Sammin fulla noo where,s he,

      He,s left it awe tae that wee wummin Nicola Stugeon an she,ll carry oan weil be the laughfin stock o the whole wurld,we,re gone tae hell in ah hawn baskit ah telt ye,awe fek it I,ll hurry it alang I,LL VOTE S N P ah wiz gone tae hell oanyhow.

    38. heedtracker says:

      That is funny because our imperial red tory masters are on the way out. Everyday in every way is a teamGB satire day, if you’re a YES voter. Its just such a shame we didn’t shake off control of Scotland by England once and for all though or, tragicomedy. Wonder which middle east country future PM Milliband will attack next, way of life/satire. They’re not the type of twerps and buffoons to attack Russia though, unless they can nuke them from afar.

    39. Grouse Beater says:

      Caz-m: Corruption and fraud at Westminster is rife.

      What’s remarkable is how many people voted in the Referendum to keep ’em Governor General of Scotland. More here:

      And here:

    40. ronnie anderson says:

      @ Lollysmum I didnt get my question in on time about the Shopkeeper identfying the trousers he supposedly sold Maghgie he ended up in America I beleive with payment for his services.

    41. boris says:

      A wise old Scotsman once said, “Labour are like the pigeons in George Square…When they’re down they’ll eat out of your hand..but when they’re up they’ll shit on your head!”

    42. Lollysmum says:

      What ronnie said 🙂

    43. Lollysmum says:

      @ ronnie anderson
      Hmm-visa was the price for his testimony then?I certainly think Megrahi was the scapegoat.

    44. bookie from hell says:

      Labour all out project fear Scottish NHS

      nae shame,do you think NHS staff are getting hacked off labours stance?

    45. Rock says:


      “As I understand it there won’t be an appeal as the condition for being repatriated back to Libya was that Megrahi had to withdraw his appeal.”

      An appeal IS being applied for.

      It won’t be allowed because the Scottish justice system is rotten to the core. Dr Morag Kerr agrees with me on that:

      “Did I ever say the Scottish criminal justice system wasn’t rotten to the core?”

      The Scottish prosecution and the judges who convicted Megrahi ARE guilty of a deliberate miscarriage of justice. They would be exposed if the appeal went ahead. That is why it won’t be allowed.

      The vast majority of lawyers and judges are the lowest of the low in society.

    46. Lollysmum says:

      @ Rock

      I don’t know enough about Scots justice to be able to give a view but if it’s anything like the English system then I would agree with you.

      It certainly was strange that 3 judges sat in place of a jury. That usually only happens where the establishment wants a specific outcome & they don’t trust a jury of peers to come to the same conclusions as they eventually did. It just smacks of a cover up to me. Megrahi was guilty of being a foreigner & a convenient scapegoat to me but then what do I know-I’m a complete outsider.

    47. Grouse Beater says:

      “Britain is affected by any stand-off between Germany and Greece”

      On the other hand, Scotland is expected to take it on the chin when England does anything that affects its autonomy.

    48. Husker says:

      There has been a lot of speculation about the outcome of the election in May and it anybody’s guess what it will be but it is interesting in the perspective of the independence movement.

      Regardless of the actual outcome, there is a distinct possibility that there could be a coalition government and that the SNP could get at least a dozen seats and could well play a part in that coalition government.

      If that does occur then the SNP could legitimise themselves south of the border as a serious political party much in the same way as they have done here with their 2 terms at the Holyrood.

      If this does happen then given the next referendum this should generate a bit more sympathy and respect for the independence movement as well as allaying the fears of No voters as the SNP will have shown that they have acted responsibility at the UK level and therefore will ensure there are good relations with rUK post independence.

      This is a big assumption and there are other possibilities like the hypothetical coalition falling apart quite quickly or that the majority of Scottish MP’s belong to the SNP yet the Tories are able to form a majority government but the risk is worth taking and the only way to do this is through tactical voting.

      A lot of people support other parties or are ideologically against the SNP but this one day in May they need to put this aside and vote for them to ensure we at least try to get as many SNP MP’s elected in order to legitimise the notion that independence is a force for good in the publics conscious both here and in the rest of the UK.

    49. Paula Rose says:

      Grouse Beater dearest – it is past Mr Peffers bedtime.

      The UK might be affected, but not Britain.

      I think I’m getting the hang of this!

    50. JET JOCKEY says:

      ROCK. @ 9.52 Your comments are spot on , just take a look the comments made on

    51. Robert Peffers says:

      Well now! I think I might just have the answer for this one.

      If a vote for the SNP is really a vote for the Tories then if I vote for the SNP AND for Labour, which is claimed to be a vote tor UKIP, then the one vote should cancel the other out, But if a vote for The Lib/Dems is really a vote for UKIP and I vote for both UKIP and LibDems then that should cancel both UKIP and LibDems out too. That only means the only one I’ve not voted for is the Greens so they should be the next government.

      Oh! Wait – if I vote for more than one party and everyone else does the same then all those votes will be spoiled and the Green voters who only voted greens will be the only party to get votes so the next government will still be greens and the opposition will be the Monster Raving Loonies/independents coalition

      I’ll get my kilt.

    52. Grouse Beater says:

      Paula Rose: The UK might be affected, but not Britain.

      You are answering another’s comment, same as I was doing.

    53. Ken500 says:

      Megrahi. The Unionists – Blair co opted the Scottish justice system. An appeal would have taken years, with no result. The evidence is buried under the Official Secrets Act, which applies to the Scottish Gov. Westminster even refuse to realise relevant letters.

      The Chilcott verdict has been held back by Heywood and unelected Civil Servants.

    54. Cuddis says:

      @Robert Peffers 12.28 a.m

      Robert, no need to get your kilt just yet. Your explanation seems clear as a mountain stream to me. I thank you for shining a 10 watt light into my darkness on this.

      Perhaps what’s needed is an Electoral Enigma Machine. All the keys represent political parties and the whole contraption would be programmed by Stu. Pressing first the party you intend to vote for and then the party leader whose opinion you seek lights up other keys to indicate the parliamentary consequences of your selection from their point of view; Flat Earth Alliance/Lib-Dem coalition for example.

      This would lessen the voters’ cognitive load. I expect that the chain of reasoning evidenced by your last comment must have felt like trying to carry out the long division of two Roman numerals in your head and expressing the result as a binary number through the medium of modern dance (this is how I feel after listening to Jim Murphy for more than 90 seconds).

      Vote SNP, get Scotland works for me.

    55. Rock says:


      “I don’t know enough about Scots justice to be able to give a view but if it’s anything like the English system then I would agree with you.”

      There is no difference between the establishment here and there – they are all better together against us plebs.

    56. Rock says:


      “ROCK. @ 9.52 Your comments are spot on , just take a look the comments made on

      Yes, it is all an elaborate show to make us plebs believe that we live in a free, fair and democratic society.

      Judges and lawyers are the lowest of the low in society.

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