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Transcription for lazy people

Posted on March 24, 2014 by

We’ll be honest with you, readers, we just couldn’t face transcribing Johann Lamont’s latest traffic-accident of an interview, this time 12 unforgettable minutes on Sunday Politics Scotland. But we did have a sudden flash of inspiration.

Above you can watch the interview for yourself. But although Johann’s mangled syntax and non-sequitur approach to answering questions is just too much pain for our poor tortured brain to endure twice in one week, we realised that what’s a lot quicker and easier to do is write down the gist of proceedings.

So below we’ve summarised, as accurately but concisely as we can, the 17 questions Johann was asked by the BBC’s Gary Robertson and her responses. You can check them with the video to make sure we’re not misrepresenting anything, but we think this compromise method is pretty effective. You be the judge.

1. “How will you redistribute wealth from rich to poor?”

“We’ll tell you in our 2016 manifesto.”

2. “But you said you’d spend the extra money from the 50p tax rate on the NHS, which benefits everyone, so that’s not actually redistributive. So what redistributive measures are you likely to bring forward?”

“We’ll tell you in our 2016 manifesto. The NHS is important.”

3. “But how does that specifically help the poor?”

“I agree with you. We’ll invest in colleges. We’ll tell you our spending proposals in 2016.”

4. “Hardly anyone in Scotland would fall into the 50p tax band. Is it just them you’re going to take the money from to redistribute to the poor?”

“The SNP are going to cut Corporation Tax, just like we did twice when we were in power except now it’s bad because the SNP are doing it.”

5. “But who is it you consider ‘the rich’ for the purposes of tax-raising?”

“Alex Salmond is bad. People in Scotland know that the rich should pay more if they have more stuff.”

6. “So what would be the threshold above which people would pay more tax?”

“We’ll bring our tax proposals forward in 2016. This has been a great conference, a very exciting conference.”

7. “Why can’t you tell us who you mean by ‘the rich’? Is it just the 0.5% of people who’d be in the 50% band?”

“People are concerned about their children’s education and what’s happening to their parents. That’s not an issue about income, that’s about how you fund services. We’ll tell you our full tax proposals in 2016. The SNP are bad.”

8. “We know what the SNP’s priorities are, but not yours. You talked about the something for nothing society – do you anticipate axing universal services?”

“The SNP are bad and tell lies.”

9. “But what about YOUR priorities?”

“The SNP are bad. My priorities are to meet need and be honest.”

10. “In that spirit of honesty, where do you believe cuts should be made? Which services are at risk?”

“People don’t recognise the way you’re describing this conversation. I’m not talking about cuts. I’m talking about how in tough times we do things. The SNP are bad. Everybody knows that we need to look at what our priorities are. We’re looking at everything. The SNP are bad. We should treat people with respect in tough times.”

11. “If you care about the poor, do you support the benefits cap being brought in by Westminster?”

“We want a fair welfare system. There is an argument for a cap, but we must make sure individuals’ needs are met. The Tories are bad.”

12. “But Ed Balls says he’ll support the benefit cap. Do you support it?”

“We recognise that you want to manage a limit on welfare in global terms. But individuals’ needs must be met.”

13. “But what if some individuals have needs beyond a cap?”

“It’s not about an individual cap. We will devolve housing benefit, even though we can’t, and end abuse by rogue private landlords. We don’t accept the division between workers and shirkers [even though some of our MPs have said they do]. We’re pro-fairness.”

14. “Did Ed Balls veto your plans to devolve all income tax?”

“Absolutely not. Devolving all income tax would be too much risk in case of uneven growth, particularly as our proposals give the Scottish Government almost no flexibility to adapt to anything.”

15. “If Labour win in 2015, would you work with the Tories and Lib Dems on further devolution?”

“I wouldn’t refuse to work with anyone.”

16. “So your proposals aren’t necessarily what we’ll actually get?”

“What we did this weekend was identify Labour proposals. People sometimes go to work and get injured or die. We’ll devolve Health & Safety a bit.”

17. “Were you attacking the First Minister for not having children? Why was your speech so personal?”

“The First Minister doesn’t care about childcare and women don’t like him, so he only pretends cynically to care, and his plans are only a work-in-progress, not a commitment. [Did I mention we’re not telling you our plans until 2016?]”

“Johann Lamont, thanks very much for joining us.”

What do you think, readers?

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  1. 24 03 14 11:54

    What to Do About Johann… | The Weegie Worker - The Glasgow Marxist
    Ignored

194 to “Transcription for lazy people”

  1. Fairliered
    Ignored
    says:

    I don’t think, Rev. I am genetically programmed not to think until 2016. Can I get my ermine jacket now? It’s a cold morning.

  2. Juteman
    Ignored
    says:

    I watched that on Sunday, and thought she was on drugs, or I was. I couldn’t understand what she was saying, as it just seemed to be random words. Very strange.

  3. Tamson
    Ignored
    says:

    I’m surprised at the number of people shocked by her attacking the FM for not having children. Remember, this woman used a fictional rape case* to score a point in FMQs whilst Deputy Leader. She is a morally repugnant individual.

    *more importantly, not a purely fictional case, but one based very closely on a real one. The only detail changed was that the poor woman involved successfully committed suicide in the real case.

  4. Rooster
    Ignored
    says:

    “I wouldn’t refuse to work with anyone.”

    Except the SNP. The SNP are bad.

  5. Gordon Smith
    Ignored
    says:

    GR : Those outside 50p range need to know if you will tax them more?

    JL : We will do , we will do we will do!

  6. Dinnatouch
    Ignored
    says:

    Squirrel. Squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel. Squirrel!

  7. john king
    Ignored
    says:

    Anyone else think from that still her hand gestures suggest a prestidigitator

    Oxford English dictionary of prestidigitation
    pres·ti·dig·i·ta·tion n. 1. Performance of or skill in performing magic or conjuring tricks with the hands; sleight of hand. 2. A show of skill or deceitful cleverness.

    ” A show of skill or deceitful cleverness.”?

    mibbe no eh? 🙂

  8. Jock McDonnell
    Ignored
    says:

    Interesting use of separation as a positive thing when discussing labour-Tory cooperation.

  9. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    OMFG

  10. Clancheif
    Ignored
    says:

    She really does just open her mooth and let oany shit fall oot it whether it makes sense or not

  11. john king
    Ignored
    says:

    “the hundred million pounds you would raise from a 50p tax rate” eh?
    wasn’t she already spit roasted for that one? £100 million is the whole of the UK, Scotland would accrue £10 million! mibbies?

    Sorry but I couldn’t get past 3.51 before I had to stop and dig my eyes out with a tablespoon and slice my ears off with cheese wire, ahhhh that’s better.

  12. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    MKAY

  13. john king
    Ignored
    says:

    Cameron B @7.53

    the most erudite post with the least words, doffs hat 🙂

  14. Keef
    Ignored
    says:

    I think I know what is wrong here. Johann is being fed an altogether different set of questions on an altogether different feed.

    It is the only way to explain her being so out of sync with the studio.

  15. Cyberniall
    Ignored
    says:

    With respect, she’s going to need a bigger squirrel.

  16. Gav Bain
    Ignored
    says:

    I listened carefully as I stepped through your summary, it is almost impossible to follow her tortured rambling without some clues as to what the hell she is talking about.

    The only line I couldn’t match up with what she actually said was the very last one. She was pretty emphatic in her denial of a personal attack on the FM and the addition of “Did I mention we’re not telling you our plans until 2016?”, was a wee bit cheeky.

    I do like the format though, very effective, provided the original is included for reference, as you always do.

  17. Grouse Beater
    Ignored
    says:

    Lamont is chronically unable to express intelligence.

    Simply put:

    She’s a wee bauchle.

  18. bigGpolmont
    Ignored
    says:

    She mentioned the word Balance a hell of a lot
    for someone who I consider to be totally unbalanced.
    Is she on something? maybe she is just tired ..very tired …and emotional…and exhausted … and needing a rest.

  19. john king
    Ignored
    says:

    O/T (please don’t hit me again)
    How many people here get the bragging rights of turning 60 on the 24/3/16?
    nobody?
    no?
    oh well only me then,
    happy birthday to me 🙂
    btw already made the Scottish government aware in case they want to throw a wee bash or some such thing 🙂

    after which I received a lovely wee email in response,
    so they cant say they didn’t know 🙁

  20. Robert McDonald
    Ignored
    says:

    I’m the same as John King. I had to watch that bit twice to see if she really did say 100 million again. The woman who would be king? Lord help us all if she is ever First Minister.

  21. annie
    Ignored
    says:

    They will do, they will do, they will do, – she really does have a problem with repeating herself three times I wonder if this is a type of OCD, she does it constantly at FMQ’s. Gary Robertson doing his job for a change.

  22. Robert McDonald
    Ignored
    says:

    Happy birthday John.

  23. Roddy Macdonald
    Ignored
    says:

    The DevoNano Paper took 2 years to produce, is clear as mud and is a damp squib. I think we can see that the 2016 Labour Manifesto will equally show that Scottish Labour is not genetically programmed for making specific proposals or decisions.

  24. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    I’ve seriously burst something.

  25. Red Squirrel
    Ignored
    says:

    Warning, malfunction, does not compute, refer to technical support for urgent maintenance.

  26. Rhona
    Ignored
    says:

    I watched this programme and it seemed to me that she is given a list of statements to give as answers and told to memorise them. Then when asked a question to just blindly respond using one of the statements with no thought as to whether it relates to the actual question being asked. When interrupted by GR she would pause slightly and then just keep going with whatever she was saying prior to being interrupted.

    Embarrassing really

  27. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    Yeah, happy birthday John, you naughty boy.

  28. steven Seagull
    Ignored
    says:

    She is fkd in the heid. I hate the brit bastirts wi’ good cause…Genocidal maniacs,an aw that ken.

    Stump-puller should be sectioned in Carstairs.

  29. Ghengis D'Midgies
    Ignored
    says:

    The reason that unionists sound so bloody stupid is that they trying to sell us austerity and cuts, subservience and decline. They have no integrity and are the enemies of Scotland.

    To hell with them.

  30. Al Ghaf
    Ignored
    says:

    Iain Gray must smile each time this clown crashes and burns on the telly (which is every time).

  31. steven Seagull
    Ignored
    says:

    @Red Squirrel

    Like knob jockey broon denying yesterday oan the daily mail.
    That Scotland getting pumped by his english maisters wis his favourite sporting moment.

    They repeat this sharing, pooling bollox.

    Fuck them. They are all mendacious scumbags.

    VOTE YES

    I’m oot for some Teba sunshine ahora, and desayuno.
    (brekkie)

    Hasta luego.

  32. Grouse Beater
    Ignored
    says:

    I think she is saying she wants Labour in Scotland free to choose the policies no one wants.

  33. Bill Fraser
    Ignored
    says:

    Am no telling you. 2016. What referendum? 2016.A canny tell you, a don’t know. 2016.

  34. Grouse Beater
    Ignored
    says:

    She is devoting so much time to avoiding rational thought she has little left to devise policies.

  35. john king
    Ignored
    says:

    Thanks Robert
    the wife’s got a nice wee surprise lined up that I know nothing about but its something to do with getting a man in, (I heard that) to fix a tv I won at work (I know, what am I like?) up on the bedroom wall so she can watch Emmerdale in peace without me ranting over her shoulder about stuff I read on here, (I know she’s so good to me)but when she’s watchin emly demly (as the kids used to call it) I get to switch on men and motors and see that wee hottie Jo Brand, not that I’ve ever seen it ye unnerstaun I’ve just heard aboot it. 🙂

  36. Ken500
    Ignored
    says:

    Inexperienced, lazy, ignorant arrogant ‘politicans’ at Westminster are trying to ruin the Scottish economy for political purposes. Just like Thatcher. They will not get away with it this time.

  37. Doug Daniel
    Ignored
    says:

    Just remember folks, Labour think this is the standard required to be First Minister of Scotland.

  38. john king
    Ignored
    says:

    Thanks Cameron
    naughty,? moi? 🙂

  39. Wp
    Ignored
    says:

    For someone who doesn’t know the difference between £100 million and £10 million I think the press have been very kind to her.

  40. Ken500
    Ignored
    says:

    Osbourne and Cameron will not answer questions on the Scottish economy because they know what they have done. They will be held to account.

  41. jingly jangly
    Ignored
    says:

    Im Astonished!!!!

    I thought waving hands about like Dr Magnus Pike was a sign of intelligence, obviously not in her case.

  42. FatCandy
    Ignored
    says:

    With respect… With respect… With respect, she has to be the worst Labour leader of all time.

  43. Clootie
    Ignored
    says:

    Shorter version

    “Me good, Salmond bad!”

  44. BIll McLean
    Ignored
    says:

    Happy Birthday John K. “Fifers for YES”

  45. manandboy
    Ignored
    says:

    http://www.heraldscotland.com/politics/referendum-news/scandinavian-writers-pen-love-letter-to-independent-scotland.23760617

    “Independence was important to our language, our history and our identity – to our sense of ourselves as a people.
    “For that reason, I think Scottish culture would absolutely benefit from independence. The London-based parties don’t seem to understand how independence would strengthen the energy of the Scottish people, of Scottish writers and of Scotland’s economy.

    “A majority of Swedish politicians were against Norwegian independence. They said all these bad things would happen, but they didn’t happen. And at that time Norway was much poorer than Scotland is now.”)

    (by Thorvald Steen, president of the Norwegian Authors’ Union between 1991 and 1997 and an honorary board member of writers’ association PEN International.
    From the Herald 23.03.2014)
    ________________________________________________________

    Contrast Thorvald Steen with Johann Lamont.

    Where would you stop ?

  46. Juteman
    Ignored
    says:

    @Steven Seagull.
    Any chance of moderating your language? I swear like a trooper in real life myself, but it makes the blog look more like a football forum. If it puts off even one new reader, that’s one too many.

  47. boglestone
    Ignored
    says:

    I quite enjoyed that. For purely comic reasons. What utter mince she talks.

  48. john king
    Ignored
    says:

    Bill Mclean @08.55
    Thanks Bill are you going to the wings bash in Glasgow?

  49. Seasick Dave
    Ignored
    says:

    Journalists of Scotland, just remember that after a resounding Yes vote, you will always be associated with this most awful of politicians.

    She is your monster.

  50. Grouse Beater
    Ignored
    says:

    The only words sadder than those uttered by Lamont are, “Toilet for customers only.”

  51. Grouse Beater
    Ignored
    says:

    Readers will notice not a single Scottish Labour MP at Westminster gave up their seat to lead the No campaign in Scotland. That’s how well they regard Scotland.

  52. Grouse Beater
    Ignored
    says:

    As for Lamont – never denounce a politician who is committing suicide.

  53. Thomas William Dunlop
    Ignored
    says:

    What we need is the Jam Busters.

    They are saying nothing till 2016 becuase they don’t want to concede anything, since they do not want to give anything away from Westminster. All the heat and light this weekend was aimed at persuading/tricking the gullible into voting No and maintaining the Southward flowing Gravy train towards London.

    Obviously they have been turned mad by losing power to the SNP. The question is how we (pro-independence) can use this to our advantage. Is their words alone enough to put people off their pronouncements or can we wind them up to make them do even more mistakes?

  54. Grouse Beater
    Ignored
    says:

    Someone should tell Lamont Scotland needs a First minister fluent in at least one language.

  55. farrochie
    Ignored
    says:

    At 2:35 “Where we have suff” – can anyone tell me what she said?

  56. Macart
    Ignored
    says:

    Oh dear God.

    That was the sound of Labour imploding.

    The conference tax carnage, the two leaders speeches, the red paper that isn’t and devo nano all in one week.

    Jeez, simply awful.

  57. Seasick Dave
    Ignored
    says:

    Macart

    That was the sound of Labour imploding.

    The conference tax carnage, the two leaders speeches, the red paper that isn’t and devo nano all in one week.

    Jeez, simply wonderful.

    Sorted.

  58. yerkitbreeks
    Ignored
    says:

    How does the small fish swimming in a big pond / big fish in a small pond equate with Scottish and Westminster labour ?

    Clearly from this transcript the dross has been left behind up here, but Scottish Select Committee proceedings at Westminster suggest the Labour gene pool is restricted overall.

  59. Stevenson
    Ignored
    says:

    Just recognise that she is out of her depth and move on, or you risk looking no better yourselves. Her incumbency itself says a great deal about the condition of the UK parties in Scotland and the reasons for that. Her confusion says a lot also about Labour’s difficulty in satisfying the Right in England and the Left in Scotland. It is doubtful if anyone could reconcile this and what it says about the different direction of travel in the two countries. That is the real argument for ‘Yes’ and continued ridicule of JL just obscures that.

  60. BIll McLean
    Ignored
    says:

    John, unfortunately not going off to Malta for a couple of weeks but will of course be spreading the word there. They like us as well!

  61. yerkitbreeks
    Ignored
    says:

    It’s so cringe making. Let the whole nation of Scotland be collectively embarrassed by getting her up for a full UK wide BBC interview.

  62. Calgacus MacAndrews
    Ignored
    says:

    2016’s going to be a v busy year chez Johann.

    Or maybes not.

  63. Les Wilson
    Ignored
    says:

    They are coming to take her away Ha Ha!

    Remember that line from a long time ago, sounds like it was made for Lamont, she has flipped her lid!

  64. The Rough Bounds
    Ignored
    says:

    @Steven Seagull.

    Steven, last year I submitted a posting containing some foul language because I was angry at the No campaign’s shennanigans.

    Several other posters rounded on me and asked me to stop using such bad language. They were quite right and I stopped. It has been to the benefit of everyone, myself included.

    So please Steven, stop it now. It’s just making this site look bad and it’s doing no one any favours. Try throwing foul language at yourself in the mirror and see how it looks.

  65. fergie35
    Ignored
    says:

    I’m no expert on mental health, but it looks to me she is in denial, on the verge of a breakdown and totally ignorant about the facts and figures and policy.
    Personal attack on the FM because he doesnt have children, just a nasty piece of work.
    How on earth did the BBC make her debater of the year, everyone knows shes one of the least able politicians and her party is a mess.

  66. Dcanmore
    Ignored
    says:

    Was that a nightmarish version of the Two Ronnies Mastermind sketch where the answer is given one step ahead of the question?

    It’s the only way I can make sense out of it, off to work for some light relief now.

  67. thoughtsofascot
    Ignored
    says:

    “They will do, they will do, they will do, – she really does have a problem with repeating herself three times I wonder if this is a type of OCD, she does it constantly at FMQ’s. Gary Robertson doing his job for a change.”

    Its an English teacher thing. I do it too…but that’s only because my students don’t speak English as a first language!

  68. Molly
    Ignored
    says:

    Someone posted this recently and it sums up perfectly my lasting impression of Johann Lamont , never mind her empty party rhetoric.

    Where sits our sulky sullen dame

    gathering her brows like gathering storm

    nursing her wrath to keep it warm

  69. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    Bob Marley – Jammin’
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvFxG3rZQ2E

  70. cassandra Lee
    Ignored
    says:

    I watched the interview yesterday morning and kept screaming at the telly, ‘answer the bloody question, woman!’. But as you have pointed out so succinctly, she answered every question either as ‘we’ll tell you in 2016,’ or ‘SNP bad’.

    And SLAB think this woman is FM material?

  71. Macart
    Ignored
    says:

    @Seasick Dave

    LOL 😀

    I was referring to their and in particular Lamont’s performance, but yeah, I’d agree a pretty good result for the electorate all round.

  72. HandandShrimp
    Ignored
    says:

    In the meantime Project Fear are back to the usual with a rehash from the CPPR using OBR figures to tell us we are doomed and Black Rock (who they?) saying “Oooo Scary!..whatever it is you are planning to do is scary…where is Scotland again?…is that enough or do you want us to say something more?”

    Last week was a bit weird really. The polls show that people are turning their backs on Project Fear yet Project Fear seem unable to change strategy, Labour produce lukewarm speeches and a half hearted Devo Something attempt at their conference (that even their own supporters are unimpressed with), Labour seem to be toiling down south and nobody has even so much as mentioned the EU elections which happen in a few weeks.

    A week is a long time in politics.

  73. Big Al
    Ignored
    says:

    For the sake of politics JL needs to go however tactically JL needs to stay as a liability can be useful

    Where on earth does the LAB get people like JL from ? What sane person or organisition allows this …it is as Tanson said JL is a ‘morally repugnant individual’

  74. Iain
    Ignored
    says:

    I don’t believe I’ve ever heard a worse interview by any politician, or indeed any spokesperson for any organisation.
    Had a leader of the SNP been so appalling bad, he or she would have been openly declared incompetent by the media, and made on object of national ridicule.

  75. caz-m
    Ignored
    says:

    Just listened to that Lamont interview above,

    WTF is she talking about 7 mins in,

    “to manage a limit on welfare in global terms…”

    What?

    She is also starting to repeat the sentence that she has just spoken.

    I don’t know if this is due to memory loss or she maybe thinks we are all deaf and never heard her the first time.

  76. Boorach
    Ignored
    says:

    The hands… the hands!

    I watched the whole piece right through and didn’t hear a word she said. I was totally preoccupied watching the hands and trying to spot the handcuffs or whatever it was that was keeping her wrists so unnaturally close to each other.

  77. Anthony Armstrong
    Ignored
    says:

    Can anyone explain to me why Lamont threw in the key element of Health & Safety, where did she pull that one from.

    How can that woman possibly have the vote of such a large % of Scottish people, are we a nation of masochists?

  78. Seasick Dave
    Ignored
    says:

    The poor woman needs a hug; just not off me. 🙂

  79. ronnie anderson
    Ignored
    says:

    @John King, Hapy birthday John,no doupt the SG will be

    sending you a reply to your letter in due course, thats

    that good news even better news,

    It’ll be A DEAR JOHN letter on Scotland leaveing the rUK

    & Many Happy Birthdays thereafter.

  80. farrochie
    Ignored
    says:

    At 2:35 “…where we have suff…”

    Can anyone tell me what JL said? “suff”? – you just can’t say “suff” without being asked what it means.

  81. velofello
    Ignored
    says:

    Reference Lamont’s hand movements, she looked like she was handcuffed. And her views and proposals – bullshit.

  82. X_Sticks
    Ignored
    says:

    Great summary Stu PMSL!

    Hope you have a very naughty birthday Mr King 😉

    Thomas William Dunlop says:

    “What we need is the Jam Busters.”

    Like it!

  83. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    Just in case folk missed this on the previous thread. Check out Figure 2 on page 10. I’d say it reveals something important, but I don’t know what yet.

    The Rise £ Decline of European Parliaments 1188-1789

    Jan Luiten van Zanden, Eltjo Buringh and Maarten Bosker1

    Utrecht University/University of Groningen

    ACCEPTED FOR PUBLICATION IN THE ECONOMIC HISTORY REVIEW

    http://isites.harvard.edu/fs/docs/icb.topic1298573.files/Parliaments.pdf

  84. Flower of Scotland
    Ignored
    says:

    I normally don’t like to say bad things about other people, but Johann Lamont makes my blood boil! In fact the Labour Party at the moment , and for some years have also made my blood boil!

    They are all a disgrace to Scotland, and an even bigger disgrace that the BBC gives them such an easy time! Mind you, it’s difficult to interview someone who talks (as we used to say as kids ) Double Dutch! No offence to the Dutch intended.

  85. Onwards
    Ignored
    says:

    They are just going to bluster their way through this whole devo nano proposal.

    The whole thing is cynically designed to offer as little as possible, yet providing a soundbite that they can tax the rich and redistribute wealth.

    Even though it could never be practically used, they probably figure that the media will play along to trick some voters.

    Those who genuinely thought labour might actually deliver meaningful further devolution have been played for fools.

  86. Edward
    Ignored
    says:

    Listened to the abject guff regarding CPPR, this morning on GMS and hearing Douglas Fraser giving is all for the unionist cause.

    Another story caught my ear, was the one about shipping companies concerns, regarding registration fees in an independent Scotland and that of safety. The ignorance of the BBC person was boundless as they waffled on that Scotland could not afford to maintain its lighthouses as this was paid for by light dues to the UK, when ever a ship enters port in Scotland.

    Partially correct, what the BBC person didn’t understand was that Northern Lighthouse board is responsible for Scotland AND the Isle of Man. Trinity House, is for England and Wales, The Commissioners of Irish Lights for Northern Ireland AND the Republic of Ireland. You see its a cross border, international operation, which will continue to be exactly the same without skipping a heart beat (or guiding light for mariners)
    https://www.nlb.org.uk/JointPolicy/GeneralLighthouseAuthorities/Main/

    I know a bit about this as in my younger days (much younger) working in Leith one of my jobs was to report ships to Customs and pay light dues, amongst many other tasks.

    Coming back to ship registration fees. It should be noted that it is a piece of lucrative business for the Isle of Man, which has its own ships registry http://www.gov.im/ded/shipregistry/

    and the Isle of Man also has its own civil aviation aircraft registry, bringing in income into the Island
    http://www.gov.im/ded/aircraft/

  87. heedtracker
    Ignored
    says:

    There’ll always be an England http://archive.is/FzeoB

    “Angered by a system they say has squandered economic potential and disenfranchised the ordinary citizen, they have had enough. They want Rome to sell their island to the Swiss.”

  88. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    Hand waving = distraction technique (she’s being schooled).

  89. Juteman
    Ignored
    says:

    I think i know what happened here. Someone told her to see a SPAD for interviewing techniques. She obviously misheard, and Googled ‘SPUD interview’. The interview from Trainspotting is a dead ringer. 🙂

  90. Rev. Stuart Campbell
    Ignored
    says:

    “It is doubtful if anyone could reconcile this and what it says about the different direction of travel in the two countries. That is the real argument for ‘Yes’ and continued ridicule of JL just obscures that.”

    Um, no, it illustrates it starkly. If we leave her alone, all that’s left is the mainstream media telling everyone she has a coherent, “radical” left-wing alternative to a Yes vote. If we show people that she doesn’t even understand the one she’s been handed, far less that she’s driving it, that illusion can’t hold. If we don’t, it can.

  91. jockthedug
    Ignored
    says:

    What a nice lady JoLa is. The best Labour Leader ever. I just hope and pray that she’s in office for ever.

    YESSSS

  92. Brian Ritchie
    Ignored
    says:

    o/t What has happened to the “joint statement” that both governments were supposedly to deliver? Presumably it will come after the conference season?

  93. Gin
    Ignored
    says:

    Happy 1st Pre-Independence Day to all Wings Readers. Not long to go keep up the good work !

  94. heraldnomore
    Ignored
    says:

    Leave her alone folks, she’s doing a marvellous job.

    Didn’t think we could ever get such a worthy successor to all those Dour Iain Gray moments.

    But a word too for Gary Robertson. It’s not like him.

  95. Bury Labour
    Ignored
    says:

    That is the manifestation of the best Scotland can currently offer in terms of choice!

    And Iain “Subway” Grey has said on GMS that in the event of independence, the Westminster Scottish MPs would vote against.

    If that’s not betrayal, double crossing, and just down right go Fook yourself the people of Scotland who voted for us. What else could possibly step up to the mark!

    Vote Yes and bury these parasites!

  96. ronnie anderson
    Ignored
    says:

    Thank Christ its a short Transcription Rev, ah hiv visions

    of kliking on this WoS site & its coloured Red n White

    yor BRAIN matter running doon the screen,small doses,little

    not often,JoLo,s getting mair Toxic every time she open,s

    her gob.

  97. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    Used to be one of our customers. 🙂

    https://www.nlb.org.uk/ourlights/responsibility.htm

  98. ronnie anderson
    Ignored
    says:

    @Edward 9.59,Good one Edward, (listened in to that to )

    what they did’nt mention either was the Naviagation systems

    of modern shipping, ( how does the rest of the world cope

    without Lighthouses. That report is to safeguard the new

    docks at Thames dock LONDON.

  99. john king
    Ignored
    says:

    Ronnie Anderson says
    “@John King, Hapy birthday John”

    I did get a reply Ronnie to thank me for my good wishes and hoping I’ll be popping champagne corks for more than one reason on 24/03/16 but thanks for your good wishes Ronnie, means as much as the governments salutations.

  100. HenBroon
    Ignored
    says:

    JOLA RAP

    the people the people
    whit aboot the vulnerable
    alex salmond ate the vulnerable
    the vulnerable have nae squrrels
    there are 40 billion vulenarable squirrels
    Alex salmond
    squirrel pie
    2016 squirrels in ma gairden
    the people the people
    squirrels racing tae ma bottom
    Alex Salmond squirrel pie
    all the vulnerable are gonnae die
    2016 look squirrels
    sharing and balance
    snp bad
    i want a debate
    2016 look squirrels
    sharing and balance
    snp bad
    i want a debate
    with respect
    with respect
    look at ma hauns
    Alex Salmond ate my squirrel
    as a mother
    he has nae weans
    snp bad
    2016 2016
    weans motherers
    squirrel squirrel
    10 billion
    20 billion
    share share
    balance balance
    caring sharing
    2016
    snp bad bad tae wee squirrels
    30 billion
    the people the people
    whit aboot the vulnerable
    alex salmond ate the vulnerable
    the vulnerable have nae squrrels
    there are 40 billion vulenarable squirrels
    Alex salmond
    squirrel pie
    2016 squirrels in ma gairden
    the people the people
    squirrels racing tae ma bottom
    Alex Salmond squirrel pie
    all the vulnerable are gonnae die
    2016 look squirrels
    sharing and balance
    snp bad
    i want a debate
    Alex Salmond ate my squirrel
    as a mother
    he has nae weans
    snp bad
    2016 2016
    balance balance
    caring sharing
    2016
    snp bad bad tae wee squirrels
    30 billion
    redistribute
    redistribute
    pooling pooling
    redistribute
    redistribute
    redistribute
    pooling pooling
    redistribute
    redistribute
    redistribute
    pooling pooling
    redistribute
    redistribute
    redistribute
    pooling pooling
    redistribute
    SNP bad
    SNP bad
    Alex Salmond ate my squirrel
    as a mother
    he has nae weans
    snp bad
    2016 2016
    balance balance
    caring sharing
    2016
    snp bad bad tae wee squirrels
    30 billion
    40 billion
    50billion
    60 billion
    ah fuck it 150 billion

  101. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    We were scanning technical drawings from microfiche up to A2 size. Not an easy job as these records were old and of old drawings (not always photographed on the flat and with lots of awkward crumples. Quite a challenging task given the output had to be sufficiently legible to be of use to the engineers.

    Topaz II Macart 😉

    As I said, the records are old and deteriorating, so the NLB was talking with us about digitizing their entire archive. I offered what I though was a cracking price (stop sniggering), but they just didn’t have the budget.

    That was a decade of so back. Don’t know how they got on.

  102. Papadox
    Ignored
    says:

    In the event of a no vote then the Westminster thieves will have us on on their hook and we will be used and abused by them as they plunder our wee country and it’s people before we can (if they let us) have another shot at breaking away from this sordid system.

    We will have volunteered for all we get, we will have voted for our own demise and they will vigorously plunder and make sure we don’t get a second chance, we have exposed the the sham of the system. We have delivered ourselves into our enemies hands.

    They will not make the same mistake again. Be careful what you ask for because you may just get it.
    THIS IS OUR LIVES AND FUTURE. IT IS NOT A GAME, ITS FOR REAL! I don’t want my kids, grand kids or great grand kids delivered into serfdom for these wasters.

  103. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    technical drawings – blueprints

  104. heedtracker
    Ignored
    says:

    Meanwhile, vote No Severin Carrell strikes back with vote NO Guardian’s “forget Lamont, remember Scots oil is worthless, so vote no.” You’d think by now chancers like Carrell and the BBC in Scotland would at least say why there’s been a drop in Scots oil revenue this year, ha ha. http://archive.is/oM0gm

  105. Andrew Morton
    Ignored
    says:

    Well, I’ve listened to four minutes of this blather and I think my brain just burned out. I’m away for a lie down.

  106. Dcanmore
    Ignored
    says:

    Are you okay there Hen Broon, having a stroke or something?

    O/T Barrosso loses out on NATO General Secretary job. Ha! My wee heart bleeds for him.

    http://newsnetscotland.com/index.php/scottish-news/8929-barroso-loses-out-in-race-for-top-nato-job

  107. john king
    Ignored
    says:

    o/t
    Barosso didn’t get the NATO job, the wee shame! 🙁

  108. cuminskyxx
    Ignored
    says:

    Just watched this video speech all I can think off her speech is like spitting in the wind…….

  109. john king
    Ignored
    says:

    “O/T Barrosso loses out on NATO General Secretary job. Ha! My wee heart bleeds for him.”
    REFRESH JOHN REFRESH D-OH

  110. patronsaintofcats
    Ignored
    says:

    @HenBroon – omg that was brilliant!

  111. Robert Louis
    Ignored
    says:

    It is clear, that Lamont has been fed lines (coached) which she can use at random during interviews, which either attack the SNP/independence, or make bland assertions. For example, it is a regular feature of interviews with her, that regardless of the actual question, she will respond with some kind of unrelated ‘concern’ assertion, which most normal people would agree with. It is akin to responding to a difficult question, by stating something like ‘poverty is bad, and we are very concerned about it’. This is what she does. She seems wholly incapable of coherent rational analysis of even her own parties policies, or of addressing even the simplest of policy questions.

    Week after week, she reads from a script at First Minister’s questions, regardless of the replies she is given.

    It also comes across, from her interviews, that she does not understand the simplest aspects of taxation or economic matters, and does not seem to recognise the enormous difference between 10 million pounds and 100 million pounds.

    She really is way beyond her abilities in her current role. I know that having somebody such as her as ‘leader’ of Labour makes life easy for the SNP and the independence campaign, but I really do think somebody in the Labour party needs to put a stop to it, and replace her. I actually feel sorry for her.

  112. Helena Brown
    Ignored
    says:

    @Grouse Beater, she gave up the Gaelic because she felt she wasn’t much use at it. I think she should do the same with English? She really isn’t much good at that either, in fact is producing children all she can do?
    First Minister material, heaven help us.
    On the subject of bad language, please do not get into the frame of mind that permeated the comments section of the Independent where to make a point one had to resort to subterfuge. Those who are easily persuaded not to remain because of choice language, wouldn’t anyway.

  113. Robert Louis
    Ignored
    says:

    Dcanmore,

    Aye, given that David Cameron backed somebody else, I do wonder what Barrosso thinks now? Use? abused?

    A classic case, if ever there was one, of getting into bed with the devil himself (Westminster).

  114. Lobeydosser
    Ignored
    says:

    @ John King.
    Many Happies to you. I too will be having my 60th in an Independent Scotland also my passport will need renewing then too. Yeah! Birthday Bonus:-)

  115. Soda
    Ignored
    says:

    Its all a ploy, it must be. For when a YES vote is returned in September, SLab can turn round and say it was down to them as much as, if not more so, than the YES campaign that we won our independence. Is it a cynical form of hedging your political bets? That it would somehow keep the door open for their own political careers after a YES win? It would certainly go a long way in explaining the sheer lunacy and evident amateurism displayed by the Labour leadership.

  116. caz-m
    Ignored
    says:

    I presume that wee Johann is going to give us “social justice” in one hand and take it all away with the other.

    Because what she or anyone else at Scottish Labour forgot to mention this weekend was their “Cuts Commission”.

    Remember the “something for nothing society” was to go and a fairer society was to emerge once the “Cuts Commission” had concluded.

    What has happened to this Commission, has anyone heard anything more about it.

    I have had a look about and can’t find a single update from it.

  117. patronsaintofcats
    Ignored
    says:

    As for JoLa, she seems to have graduated from the Sarah Palin school of politicspeak with an advanced degree in Word Salad and Spew (google Sarah Palin Word Salad and read on in amazement).

  118. Weedeochandorris
    Ignored
    says:

    @john king Happy Birthday!

    Lamont is surely set up to fail, coaching and all to no avail. –

    From 10 Powerful Body Language Tips. “To improve your speech, use your hands.
    Brain imaging has shown that a region called Broca’s area, which is important for speech production, is active not only when we’re talking, but when we wave our hands. Since gesture is integrally linked to speech, gesturing as we talk can actually power up our thinking.

    Whenever I encourage executives and others to incorporate gestures into their deliveries, I consistently find that their verbal content improves. Experiment with this and you’ll find that the physical act of gesturing helps you form clearer thoughts and speak in tighter sentences with more declarative language.” It doesn’t seem to be working maybe her Broca’s knackered.

  119. jingly jangly
    Ignored
    says:

    I despair, a neighbour approached me this morning, can I ask a question, we have a coffee group and they ask me all these questions about the referendum, can you tell me what happens if Alec Salmond dies? Who will be in charge of Scotland.

    Well I said Nicola Sturgeon is his deputy and I presume she will fill his shoes until it can be ratified. The response was nobody likes her, I asked what this was to do with the referendum as Alex/Nicola were mortal and you are voting to make Scotland Immortal.

    She then asked about whether we would have a Navy, I said yes, oh we cant afford that she says, after sorting out whether Scotland can afford certain things I said John Swinney is coming to the Village next week to discuss the White Paper , why don’t you and your friends go and ask him all the questions you have about the an Independent Scotland, her response no I wont be going he is useless.

    At that I gave up..

  120. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    Sorry. Memory playing up. They were paying for scan and print. They couldn’t afford scan, print and archive.

    Rather wasteful I thought and all because they lacked sufficient funds.

    Lighthouses are important folks.

  121. Stuart Black
    Ignored
    says:

    Are there any computer gurus out there who could write some code that would filter out the words “what we’ve said is”?

    I would have more eyeball space to stick pins into if someone could help me out with this.

    Oh, and “with respect” too, please.

  122. Anne Lawrie
    Ignored
    says:

    I watched the interview and was totally confused – or maybe it was her that was confused. Thank you for making sense of it for me. I’m so much more enlightened now. Rhona said that she’s using random statements – it’s even less than that – it’s random phrases. She’s obviously heard them somewhere else and thinks she can bamboozle the thick electorate with her superior intellect, with respect. The hand gestures are a mystery. At first I agreed with someone else that she’s ‘signing’ her message, but I’m assured this is no sign language known to man. I try to watch her on telly and become so enraged, that it’s just not good for my health, at my age. I should just laugh at her, but that would be unkind – she obviously needs help.

  123. patronsaintofcats
    Ignored
    says:

    Wonder if we could persuade Lady Alba to do a video of HenBroon’s JOLA RAP?

    That. Would. Be. AWESOME!

  124. David
    Ignored
    says:

    I wish she had made more use of her hands ! like raising them up to the level of her throat and squeezing as hard as she could for the lentgh of time required. I have never heard so much guff in all my life.

  125. Papadox
    Ignored
    says:

    Ms Lamont, what is your policy on taxation? answer: A hate Alexsamin, sturgeon, Swinney etc etc….. So does Magrit, cherchoob, Jackie, Erchie and the weans. He’s nae weans ye know! A hate him!

  126. a2
    Ignored
    says:

    said this before but there’s the serious Labour argument for voting NO – there is a possibility Johann could be first minister in an independent Scotland.

    Perhaps that’s what Anas is suggesting as the real scare tactic.

  127. Rev. Stuart Campbell
    Ignored
    says:

    ‘the addition of “Did I mention we’re not telling you our plans until 2016?”, was a wee bit cheeky.”

    That’s a fair point, and I did ponder it as I was doing it. I’ve put that bit (and one other) in square brackets now to indicate that it’s an aside added by me.

  128. You and My Comb
    Ignored
    says:

    @jingly jangly

    This is the paper on Scottish defence force

    http://www.scottishglobalforum.net/uploads/2/2/6/1/22614014/stn_report.pdf

    For what it’s worth. I don’t expect your neebor will be bothered reading any of it but you never know

  129. Ian Brotherhood
    Ignored
    says:

    Hen Broon has pinpointed the territory JoLa inhabits – a strange, shadowy hinterland where words and meaning part company. Stand her in a wheelie-bin onstage, give her some good quality acid, and you’ve a runaway success at the Edinburgh Fringe:

    ‘Astonishing. Miss Lamont’s performance outBecketts Beckett.’

  130. msean
    Ignored
    says:

    Cannot believe that even the media who are on message can’t even get a sensible answer from elected representatives.

    Also noted that Ukraine flag flying alongside the others in The Hague,got agreement from 28 members awfully quickly,well within 18 months by my guess.

  131. Seasick Dave
    Ignored
    says:

    I noticed that Gary Robertson repeated the £100 million lie at the start.

    Shameful.

  132. BigSteveChisholm
    Ignored
    says:

    @jingly jangly

    I feel your pain. I had a conversation with a client on Friday regarding the design of a leaflet for a Council. The details are boring, except that she said to me “We’d normally use a wee Saltire symbol there (to indicate Scottish-sourced product) but, you know, (whispers) this year and all…”

    I don’t think my client was Saltire-averse because of orders from above within the Council. I think she was scared to talk about “you know, this year…” as she thinks the prospect of her country governing itself is too terrible to even consider. You wouldn’t want to be showing one of those inflammatory national flag things, would you?

    I had a proper Charlie Brown ‘Good grief!’ moment at that.

    On another note –

    Today’s Guardian has a nice photo of Ed Milliband not knowing which direction to be going, whilst simultaneously fading into obscurity. A picture is worth a thousand words.

    http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2014/3/24/1395654784188/Ed-Miliband-006.jpg

  133. Fiona
    Ignored
    says:

    The position of the Labour party in Scotland is impossible

    Labour politicians in Scotland know that they have no chance unless they can persuade people that they are the labour party of old, because many people did respect and support that party and they have not changed. So they have to pretend that “old labour” values and principles are alive and well, and that they represent those

    Labour politicians in the UK believe that they have no chance unless they can persuade people that the old labour party is dead, because middle england appears to believe that “socialist” is a dirty word. So they have to pretend that new labour values and principles have completely extinguished everything labour used to stand for

    The explanation for Johann Lamont’s position becomes clear once you realise that. What they need in Scotland is a truly tribal labour supporter, akin to the core support which does not think about politics, and votes labour because it has “aye been” labour. To such a person anyone who shifts their position when the facts change is, quite simply, the enemy: because that person has not noticed that the facts have changed.

    It was possible to put someone in the leadership spot who was more cynical, of course. But there is a problem with that too, because such a person will be intent on making progress in the UK party, and may not trust that the necessary association with old labour principles in order to preserve the union will be remembered for the cynical ploy that it would be in that case: therefore such a person would calculate that they might risk their future career in the UK labour party, if they are effective.

    The solution is therefore to put someone in that position who is a true believer: unfortunately that means it has to be someone who is blind and/or stupid, in a particular way.

    Johann Lamont is one who fits that bill: there are not many

  134. Gareth Milner
    Ignored
    says:

    I will happily openly admit that I’m a pro unionist, though I do like reading the articles on here because they’re both interesting and informative (and well written). I think the biggest threat the no campaign face, isn’t the YES campaign, its from themselves. This speech is just one further example.

  135. liz
    Ignored
    says:

    @jinglyjangly – some people you just have to give up on if they won’t take resposibility for themselves.
    Unfortunately of course her opinion will affect the ooutcome.

    You could point her in the direction of NZ.
    I was watching the news about the missing Malaysian jet – which is a tragedy for all concerned – but they showed the NZ airforce out searching for the plane.

    NZ population 4.4m, no oil, far away SE as we are supposed to be far away NW and a successful small country.
    However it’s the people that make it successful – where there’s a will there’s a way.

  136. Fiona
    Ignored
    says:

    @jinglyjangly

    Don’t give up: it is not a lost cause if they are asking questions of you, assuming they know you will vote yes. Sometimes people take time to digest the information they are given and they have to filter it through their prism of prior “knowledge”.

    To me it is encouraging that folk are asking because if they were completely certain they wouldn’t bother

    We still have 6 months

  137. heedtracker
    Ignored
    says:

    Today’s vote No Guardian “oil makes you poor, so vote no” thing there’s a Cif info that vote No Sevrin Carrell etc somehow always LEAVE out of their project fear reportage. So, the Glasgow uni research team that says Scots oil’s worthless so vote NO is lead authored by this dude who says he has NO political affiliations since 2005 but worked for the labour party in their 2 year run up to the election. So you have no Labour affiliation if they pay your wages but you’re not a member? Vote No BBC in Scotland ever mention any thing below? again, ha ha ha.

    John John McLaren worked as a researcher for the Labour Party for a year leading up to the first election (1999) of the new Scottish Parliament, being subsequently appointed as a Special Adviser by Donald Dewar, and then by Henry McLeish, for the period up to 2001. John was a member of the Labour Party from 2000 to 2005.

    In 2006 John was hired by the Labour Party on a consultancy basis to undertake work leading up to the 2007 election.
    Since 2002 John has worked as an independent economic consultant and member of CPPR. Since 2005 he has had no political affiliations

  138. Mosstrooper
    Ignored
    says:

    Weedeochandorris

    Maybe JoLa’s Broca’s broke

  139. Lee Rogers
    Ignored
    says:

    Master Shakespeare had the words for it, which I previously used on Twitter:

    It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

  140. Derick fae Yell
    Ignored
    says:

    “fergie35 says:24 March, 2014 at 9:25 am
    I’m no expert on mental health, but it looks to me she is in denial, on the verge of a breakdown…”

    Oddly enough I was speaking yesterday to a former employee of the Scottish Parliament and they said that Johann was completely, obviously, traumatized by the 2007 result. Was apparently wandering about the place with a dazed vacant look. She really needs help (and I’m not saying that to make a smart point – the woman is no weill)

    Incidentally – Kenyon Wright’s new blog. http://www.kenyonwright.co.uk/

  141. Jim T
    Ignored
    says:

    I was under the impression that JoLa was elected leader by virtue [right word?] of the TU vote and NOT the “one man, one vote” system.

    That smacks of wanting someone in place who will do as they’re told and not someone who will consult and apply democracy.

  142. Morag
    Ignored
    says:

    I remember when Bendy Wendy was in that job. She was hyped up as having a brain the size of a planet which was ridiculous, she was no genius. Having said that though she was reasonably articulate and capable of thinking on her feet. She also had a reasonable understanding of what she was talking about. Not the genius they said she was, but far from an idiot either.

    I remember when she was in trouble over election expenses and some people were calling for her resignation. It was put to me that nobody in the SNP was saying a word in that direction because she was the gift that kept on giving and they wanted her in post as long as possible. But in the end the expenses thing brought her down.

    Then we had the Grayman, and he turned out to be worse. Why was everyone so keen to keep Wendy on, again? Gray just kept on giving in the same way. But even he could handle an interview in a passable manner, most of the time. Yes I remember the killing fields and being fluent in Portuguese, but at least he was speaking in sentences. Nevertheless, it was sheer horror at the idea of him being FM that kept me trailing up these farm tracks with leaflets in 2011. I don’t know if the Subway moment was needed to kill him off, but it worked.

    So now we have Lamont. Would anyone care to rewind and compare Lamont with Wendy Alexander? I mean, honestly? And we thought Wendy was too good to lose!

    Their problem is, they don’t have anyone who’s actually up to the job. They might manage to do a little better than Johann, but whoever replaced her would still be cannon fodder. And they can’t replace her before September now, realistically.

    I know the Labour for Independence guys are saying, vote Yes in September, vote Labour in 2016. But who do they think they will actually be voting for in 2016? The calibre of Labour politicians just gets worse and worse, and in 2016 we will need skilled operators capable of setting our brand-new country on its feet.

    I don’t know how it will be by 2020, but there’s no contest for 2016.

  143. Macart
    Ignored
    says:

    @Cameron B

    Topaz II Jeez that takes me back. 😀

    Doing some archiving work that way myself these days, though on old slides of trains rather than microfiche or techie drawings. Hadn’t worked on trannies for a few years so bit of a walk down memory lane for me. 😀

    Had to dig the old Epson perfection pro out of the cupboard and update the software package. Still gives good results though.

  144. heedtracker
    Ignored
    says:

    So forget Labour in Scotland blowing smoke up Scotland’s aerse from now on, listen to Labour in Scotland’s man at the CPPR telling Scotland her oil’s worthless. Maclaren the “thinktank” is everywhere today but I wish at least one journo had the decency to say MacLaren is Labour in Scotland through and through. Oil makes you poor Scotland, according Labour/britnats/BBC/Guardian etc

    http://www.heraldscotland.com/politics/referendum-news/think-tank-warns-scotland-will-be-worse-off-than-rest-of-uk-by-2018-x.23761412

  145. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    Sorry everyone for the second re-post.

    Fiona
    I wanted to make sure you spotted this link. I’ve barely skimmed it but will be digging deeper to find the meaning of Fig. 2, pp. 10.

    The Rise £ Decline of European Parliaments 1188-1789

    Jan Luiten van Zanden, Eltjo Buringh and Maarten Bosker1

    Utrecht University/University of Groningen

    ACCEPTED FOR PUBLICATION IN THE ECONOMIC HISTORY REVIEW

    http://isites.harvard.edu/fs/docs/icb.topic1298573.files/Parliaments.pdf

  146. Morag
    Ignored
    says:

    Oddly enough I was speaking yesterday to a former employee of the Scottish Parliament and they said that Johann was completely, obviously, traumatized by the 2007 result. Was apparently wandering about the place with a dazed vacant look. She really needs help (and I’m not saying that to make a smart point – the woman is no weill)

    Hang on, traumatised by 2007, when Labour only lost by a whisker and when they might even have hung on if McConnell had been faster on his feet in the days following the result?

    What the hell was she like in 2011 then? Inquiring minds want to know.

  147. Will Podmore
    Ignored
    says:

    Well, personal attacks certainly stimulated a lot of comments! Steven Seagull’s was especially revealing –
    “She is fkd in the heid. I hate the brit bastirts wi’ good cause…Genocidal maniacs,an aw that ken.”

  148. Jamie Arriere
    Ignored
    says:

    I’ve spent days trying to distil my utter disbelief & total underwhelming torpor of Labour’s idea of being bold & seizing the spirit of the zeitgeist. Timid empty gestures from desperados clinging to the cliff.

    The photo of the ‘Happy Clappers’ yesterday looked like the dinosaurs politely applauding the arrival of the asteroid.

    I did fear this weekend might have been a time a few Indy foxes could be shot at – no worries, Labour don’t know one end of the gun from the other, and they’re armed with split peas, not buckshot.

    These people are useless.

    ..and now “Alex Salmond ate my squirrel” has both accurately summarised the conference, and destroyed my bad mood with uncontrollable laughter.

    [Time to change underwear]

  149. joe kane
    Ignored
    says:

    “Johann Lamont”, Scotland’s first Random Mince Generator.

    Not to be confused with “Margaret Curran”, Scotland’s well-known and nigh-on unstoppable stream of consciousness generator that comes with its own built-in personalised version of the English language. Scientist are confident they will be able to crack the Curran code by 2020 at the latest.

    If you haven’t read it, here is the National Collective hosting Scotland’s queen of agony –
    Ask Johann – She Stirs The Mince
    http://nationalcollective.com/category/ask-johann/

    Ask Johann – In Absentia
    http://nationalcollective.com/2013/04/28/ask-johann-in-absentia/

  150. X_Sticks
    Ignored
    says:

    Stuart Black says:

    “what we’ve said is”?

    And while we’re at it how about “Just let me say” and “I’d just like to say this..”

  151. Calgacus MacAndrews
    Ignored
    says:

    @Morag says:
    Their problem is, they don’t have anyone who’s actually up to the job.

    As illustrated:-

    http://i.imgur.com/Py77MA9.jpg

  152. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    Macart
    This was our secret weapon. Remarkable output for the budget. Check the density range. 🙂

    http://imaging.nikon.com/lineup/scanner/scoolscan_5000_ed/

  153. Morag
    Ignored
    says:

    Calgacus, I hadn’t seen that. Brilliant!

  154. No No No...Yes
    Ignored
    says:

    Jingly Jangly 10.51 a.m.

    Please do not give up with your neighbour and the others in the coffee group.The fact they are asking questions is a good thing. Why does your neighbour have such polarised views of the SNP politicians? Who is feeding her mind?

    They obviously do not yet understand that referendum is NOT about the SNP politicians, it is about the future of Scotland. This website, including may others, provides valuable information to use to further the cause for a YES vote. There are 6 months to go, and as the polls indicate, people do change their mind when they learn more. Keep it going, we will prevail!

  155. CyberNiall
    Ignored
    says:

    “I will not shirk from telling you the truths about our country however difficult those truths are.” – Johann Lamont (Labour Conference)

    “…having lower life expectancy, do you think its fair that the state pension age should rise at the same accelerated pace in Scotland as in the rest of the UK?” – Nicola Sturgeon (STV debate)

    “I am absolutely astonished, Nicola, that you prosecuting, that you are prosecuting a case that is on the basis that people in Scotland die younger. That is absolutely astonishing.” Johann Lamont (STV debate)

    I guess that truth is just too difficult for Johann Lamont

  156. wee_monsieur
    Ignored
    says:

    A truly awful performance for a politician in an interview. But hey, all for the greater good to the YES campaign!

  157. bobdog collie
    Ignored
    says:

    Long may JoLa be leader of the SLP But what worries me is that there might be someone intelligent there who might see the damage she is doing
    I am sure she will not be leader in 2016 because some unemployed heavy weight Labour MP will have ousted her Douglas Alexander perhaps

  158. Ali
    Ignored
    says:

    It’s clear Johann has been on media training courses. Making interviewers feel they are nailing jelly to a wall part 1 and advanced wading through treacle parts.

  159. Morag
    Ignored
    says:

    You know, I sometimes forget that Wendy ever had that job. I think it’s because she never fought an election. I remember McConnell, obviously, and then I remember Gray and the Subway moment, but I forget there was someone in between until something reminds me of Wendy.

    I can’t see Johann fighting an election as leader of Scottish Labour, can you? I wonder if she’ll be as forgettable as Wendy, in the long term?

    And to think that all of these people have genuinely believed they were going to be FM. Genuinely believed they were big fish who were going to sit in Bute House.

    *shakes head sorrowfully*

  160. G H Graham
    Ignored
    says:

    The answers Lamont gives are an incoherent ramble of illogical, disconnected thoughts that one might express if drunk or inadvertently affected by powerful, mind altering drugs.

    Nevertheless, Lamont appears to have found a very high degree of comfort in her own incompetence.

    I think the word that describes this state is “delusional”.

    Don’t forget Labour voters, that she is the person you nominated above everyone else, to be fit for promotion to the office of First Minister.

    Have a really good think about that on your way to the bingo hall tonight.

  161. Morag
    Ignored
    says:

    If there’s a No vote, they’ll have to truss wee Dougie up like a turkey and drag him back to Scotland because he won’t be for coming any other way.

  162. Jamie Arriere
    Ignored
    says:

    Speaking of people not up to the job, it’s nice to see another greasy pole-climbing no-mark fail to secure his ‘destiny’ in a job he doesn’t deserve.

    http://www.newsnetscotland.com/index.php/scottish-news/8929-barroso-loses-out-in-race-for-top-nato-job

    I’m sure everyone here will be gutted for him

  163. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    Funny, I’d never thought of the FM as Bugs Bunny.

    Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd battle-cartoon(Un-censored)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBAZidONziI

    Not a lot of people know this, but the Canadian Parliament building got burnt down once, 1849, which was three years after Peel successfully steered the repeal of the Corn Laws through Parliament before resigning then succeeded by (One Nation) Disraeli the next year:

    When Lord Elgin – he no longer deserves the name of Excellency – made his appearance on the street to retire from the Council Chamber, he was received by the crowd with hisses, hootings, and groans. He was pelted with rotten eggs; he and his aide-de-camps were splashed with the savory liquor; and the whole carriage covered with the nasty contents of the eggs and with mud. When the eggs were exhausted stones were made use of to salute the departing carriage, and he was driven off at a rapid gallop amidst the hootings and curses of his countrymen.

    The End has begun.

    Anglo-Saxons! you must live for the future. Your blood and race will now be supreme, if true to yourselves. You will be English “at the expense of not being British.” To whom and what, is your allegiance now? Answer each man for himself.

    The puppet in the pageant must be recalled, or driven away by the universal contempt of the people.

    In the language of William the Fourth, “Canada is lost, and given away.”

    A Mass Meeting will be held on the Place d’Armes this evening at 8 o’clock. Anglo-Saxons to the struggle, now is your time. — Montreal Gazette, “Extra” of April 25, 1849

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burning_of_the_Parliament_Buildings_in_Montreal

  164. Fiona
    Ignored
    says:

    This should properly go into a discussion on another thread, but I am very short of time and cannot remember where the subject was opened. Nonetheless I have a question which I would like answered if anyone knows.

    Who funds the CPPR?

  165. Dorothy Devine
    Ignored
    says:

    I have just viewed that pile of smelly stuff.
    The woman is a fool and her excuse for facile ,personal attacks make me sick.

  166. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    why did you leave me (edit function). 🙂

  167. Greannach
    Ignored
    says:

    I persevered to 3:48 and don’t suppose I missed very much that followed. I now understand and sympathise with London Labour not bothering to consult this clown on anything. I wonder if she ever goes home after an interview and says “Wow, I was good”.

  168. Alfresco Dent
    Ignored
    says:

    How depressing is it that your transcription IS accurate?

  169. Macart
    Ignored
    says:

    @Cameron B

    Superb.

    Knocks my old Microtek Artixscan 120tf into a basket and it was good when first launched. Wish there was more call for scanning in my current work, but its becoming as rare as hen’s teeth.

  170. fergie35
    Ignored
    says:

    She is consumed by hate, a brawler that lacks the intellectual ability, she should not be in that job, what an embarrassment

  171. Gin
    Ignored
    says:

    I made it to the end, and found a closing gem of truth which I hope might have made liteners think …

    “… then we find out it’s NOT a commitment to the people of Scotland. People don’t like that kind of cynicism”

  172. Maggie Craig
    Ignored
    says:

    Oh dear, it’s so embarrassing. Margaret Curran did a train wreck of an interview with Andrew Neil on the Daily Politics last week too. As a Scot and a woman it makes me grue. As a Scotswoman, I’m getting fed up with being told what my attitudes are based on my lumpy t-shirt as opposed to the contents of my heart and my brain, especially when that sweeping statement comes from another woman! Aaaargh!

    What’s with the squirrels? More surrealism, please!

  173. Muscleguy
    Ignored
    says:

    @GrouseBeater

    Someone should tell Lamont Scotland needs a First minister fluent in at least one language.

    Little New Zealand prospered under the Prime Ministership of Helen Clark who is fluent in at least three languages, English, Spanish and Japanese or Chinese, can’t remember which. She almost single handedly won trade relations and established direct air links across the Pacific in Chile and Peru by charming them in their own language.

    After leaving office she got poached by the UN Development Agency as their head. She is currently being talked about as the new Secretary General. That is what a similar Scottish leader, of either sex could do. Johann wouldn’t have liked her though, long married but no kids. The right wing nuts reckoned on no evidence whatsoever that she was a lesbian. I think Johann would find a ready home in the NZ National Party (local Tories).

  174. Grouse Beater
    Ignored
    says:

    @ Muscleguy

    Fascinating comparison. Much obliged.

  175. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    Macart
    So you’ve changed your mind on taking the drum?

  176. Ananurhing
    Ignored
    says:

    Bingo! Nailed it! Dysyntaxia. FTD (Formal thought disorder.)

    Morag, this is what happened after 2011.

    http://www.scielo.br/pdf/anp/2012nahead/aop_0002389-13.pdf

    “Regarding syntax there is some degree of dysyntaxia, but not agrammatism. Schizophrenic patients tend to use more simplified phrases and less embedded sentences, showing greater repetition of words, fewer relative clauses, and the increase in syntactic complexity leads to semantic deviations.”

    Meanwhile, in the reeul wurruld, what we are saying is, with respect, we need to have that conversation ahead of 2016. Mostly in confidence, because what people are telling us, is these are the figures we have, and you do what you can with what you’ve got, once you have the stuff. And we shall and we shall and we shall. Ken?

  177. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    Macart
    Oh the joys. 🙂

    Oil Mounting

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvXW7ZG2b6o

  178. Macart
    Ignored
    says:

    @Cameron B

    Even had the boss ask around for you. But no luck and no real requirement here either (mores the pity). Most of our kit is digitally supplied imagery these days or straight up processing of jobs from bureau. You know when I started here we still had comps and copy readers? Hell we even had a klishograph and an old thermo stuck away in a corner. 😀

    Most of the kids in prepress just give you a puzzled look when you mention this kit. If its not workable through Acrobat and Heidelberg plug-ins they don’t want to know. (sigh)

  179. CameronB
    Ignored
    says:

    Macart
    Cheers for that.

    Slag ma drum off? Klishograph? 🙂

  180. Andy Xn
    Ignored
    says:

    Why did I spend 15 minutes of my life watching that (I had to go back a few times to make I heard what she said as I could not believe my ears)
    I used to have a friend that,when asked a question would answer a completely different one much like Ms Lamont , but he unfortunately ingested a large number of illegal substances on a regular basis , I wonder what Lamonts excuse is ?

  181. john king
    Ignored
    says:

    Thanks to all who wished me a happy birthday,
    the wife decided to go to Dobbies and other places that make summer houses (I thought goody a summer house):) and was discussing things like “how hard it would be to get power into them and can you set up a telly and asking how cold they would be on a winters night” I’m not at all sure I understand what she’s getting at?
    anyone? 🙁

  182. velofello
    Ignored
    says:

    Go for it John King. Two public rooms and two tellies in house, or a summerhouse. But no spare bedroom mind you.

    If you negotiate to have a summerhouse I recommend you build your own “cause it will take years.

    Advice from an old hand.

  183. handclapping
    Ignored
    says:

    @johndman
    Happy Birthday so I won’t tell you till tomorrow that I caught the wife going round PetsRUs asking about dog houses. I do hope that she knows a dog is for life and not just until September. 🙂

  184. john king
    Ignored
    says:

    “It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

    Nicked,
    do you think Master Shakespeare will object?

  185. john king
    Ignored
    says:

    Jings, that Joanne disnae half ken a thing or two
    heres whit she said oan national collective (ah’ve nae idea whit she’s daein there though?

    If the NATS go INDY, aw yer food wid lose its flavour – FACT! Yer mince wid taste like cardboard and ye’d be as well bilin up yer auld socks cos they’d be more nutritious. If ye wanted a curry ye’d hivty run the gauntlet tae Berwick cos aw the Asians wid hiv relocated on account o the fact that Garam Masala disny grow here.

    ah’ve tried biled soacks thir no that guid
    crunchie bits whuaarrr!

  186. john king
    Ignored
    says:

    Handclapping
    Using ma Sunday name, honoured I am 🙂

  187. steven Seagull
    Ignored
    says:

    @Juteman.

    Or is it jutewummin.

    Fk aff, you know fk all, chickboy. Sound like a a britface troll.

  188. steven Seagull
    Ignored
    says:

    @John King

    Cumple años feliz Bud.

    Buy her a Dyson SuccionXtremo.

    Go tae the pub.

    Saludos!

  189. Juteman
    Ignored
    says:

    Thank you Seagull. Cheerio.

  190. geeo
    Ignored
    says:

    Brilliant stuff!

    Reminded of the family guy episode when Lois runs for mayor, she is doing a Q and A with mayor west and to get the townsfolk on her side merely repeats…”9/11 was bad” or “nine…….eleven”
    To rapturous applause.

    Talk about life imitating art. lol

  191. anton le grandier
    Ignored
    says:

    Donald Dewar,while he was no “Father of the Nation” etc etc, was an effective politician a clever and,at times,eloquent leader of Slab.The man commended a degree of respect across all parties.His unfortunate demise of course left Slab bereft of any real ability and up stepped Henry McLeish who I always felt had the possibility of something different but,in the end,this is what probably put the black spot on him with the overbosses in London.Down boy!McConnell?A man memorably described by some journalist,maybe Mcwhirter,as having all the charisma of a speak your weight machine rose and sank under defeat at the 2007 elections.Still,all that disaster and still a peer……nice one Jack.Now,Alexander?Oh Jesus,where to begin?Madness on a stick and galactically intelligent too.My arse.Thereafter poor Iain Gray who may well be a fine fellow,so hard to tell,but who just wasnt up to this most feeble of jobs.Now this.Really,is this the bottom?can it get any worse(or,if you like,better)?Lamont is really quite remarkable,indeed astonishing,in that just when you think she cant get any worse she does.Her speech at conference was one of the most ridiculous I have ever heard from any party leader.Speech by numbers.Imagine,could Dewar have delivered such tripe?Exactly.How they have fallen and are now little more than a mad wee tribe to be poked and derided by their Westminster,cough,”buddies”.Even their journo pals are finding the mince hard to digest.Goodness,isnt there anyone in Slab with the cojones,and nueronas,to stand up and say “this is fucking shite!”? Of course not.They have all been “dealt with” by the London boys and this is the result.Isnt it great?

  192. Bigbricks
    Ignored
    says:

    Fool that I am, I watched the video to see how accurate the “gist transcription” was (and the answer is, very accurate).

    No more watching clips of JL’s performance though. I’ve just spent two hours curled into a foetal position on the floor moaning whilst recovering from watching this, and am only now sufficiently composed to type. With respect, no more videos please Rev. I once had a colonoscopy which was more pleasurable than watching this.

  193. rab_the_doubter
    Ignored
    says:

    @ steven seagull
    Its not big and its not clever.

    If you cant rein in the language then maybe your time would be better spent trolling the BT Facebook pages because its got no place here.



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