Interpreter required
Prolonged exposure to the unfamiliar phenomenon of sunshine appears to be getting to some on the Unionist side in Scotland today. Firstly, Johann Lamont’s spin doctor Paul Sinclair is having some sort of nervous collapse over on Twitter, seamlessly blending every piece of absurd smearing about Alex Salmond from the last couple of weeks into a single thread of tramp-in-a-bus-station lunacy.
(Summary: he’s fat, Saltires are bad, liking golf is bad, the FM is in some way similar to the popular footballing racist John Terry, and there’s even enough time to squeeze in a quick reprise of the classic “cybernat hordes forcing X off Twitter” routine.)
It’s not even today’s best breakdown, though.
Below is a picture of Torcuil Crichton’s column in this morning’s Daily Record.
Just for flavour we’ve included a bit from the lead item, in which Wee Mental Torcuil refers to “the SNP’s ‘Bannockburn’ history of English oppression” (what?), but the real prize is the boxout below, in which some sort of dispute among Welsh arts types about singing at rugby or something has somehow been contorted into a bewildering attack on the Scottish independence movement.
We still haven’t quite managed to work out what on Earth the poor overheated reporter is trying to actually say. Can anyone translate the piece into sane for us?
“Can anyone translate the piece into sane for us?”
I think it roughly translates as “SNP bad. Don’t vote Yes.”
Do have a ‘Rosetta Stone’ in your sporran, cos I don’t?
Fecked if I know.
Where does SLab and BT dig up these SpinTwerps.
It seems they have so little meat and two veg to work with in their own organisations that their only recourse is attack everybody else.
Anyway where’s Johann?
Reflecting on Ed’s attempt to neuter the TU’s influence on labour, in her command bunker?
Or is she waiting her next script and reprogramming session?
Sorry Rev, can’t help you, could it be something to do with a comedown after a certain festival. That would be my guess.
I think it’s written in the dialect of English known as Glenfarclas.
EDIT: I HAVE HEATSTROKE TOO. IGNORE ME.
I don’t expect TC wrote much of it at all. I’ve already read this (don’t remember where) within the last few days. Looks to me as if it’s been jemmied in as a space filler – of no real interest to anyone much, if you ask me. I’m not sure I’d interpret the snide reference to ‘early days of a better nation’ as a ‘bewildering attack on the Scottish independence movement’ either… In comparison to some we’ve seen recently, it barely registers as more than a little snigger. Doubt it will change anyone’s mind.
I can’t say when the PM was last pictured with an open winner, but I’m sure I seen him next to a famous tennis player last week.
Anything that is remotely aspirational must be ridiculed. It will never end till we have booted this malign union in to touch.
Alex Salmond (according to Sinclair & Torcuil) would appear to be the sole reason that Labour are in the wilderness of Scottish politics – when he personally delivers Independence next year where will Labour be?
Perhaps more to the point for Labour, what position will they be after the 2015 UK General Election – Is that still Alex Salmond’s fault?
Talking of people back on Twitter, a certain ‘comedian’ from Glasgow has also been back for a wee while.
This appears to be written in ancient Drivel. A language that was once thought on its last legs in political circles but has been resurrected by the No to Scotland cringers. I’m sorry but it is all but untranslatable.
It would have been easier to understand if it was in Welsh. I don’t speak or read Welsh.
Torquil needs to get a grip – I heard him on the radio a while back and he was incoherent then too. I couldn’t actually determine whether he was for or against whatever he was wittering about. I thought journalism was about communication. Once a journalist is wedded to a political ideology their brains seem vacate their body in protest.
Says it all really.
“Can anyone translate the piece into sane for us?”
The Stereophonics are rubbish.
So, he’s either saying rugby supporters from Wales are crap at singing and would be better if independent or, rugby supporters from wales are crap at singing and would be even more crap if independent and Cerys Matthews is appalled either way.
Due to the inclusion of the word’ independence’, the paradigm (that’s twice today) can also be applied to Scottish independence. Whether or not Cerys is in agreement or not is unknown.
We should probably ask the singer out of Texas who’s name escapes me for an opinion.
“Salmond pictured with Mickelson at Scottish Open. Can anyone remember last time a British PM was pictured with Open winner? Is FM an arse?”
No, but you are, a gigantic one at that. It’s stuff like this that keeps me from opening a Twitter account, I just couldn’t help but respond if I had one. Salmond was Mickelson’s partner at the Castle Stuart Pro-am last week FFS! Or should we now ban the paps from sporting events?
Come on Lord Foulkes, anything to say about this? Thought not, a bunch of hypocritical, incompetent fannies blinded by an illogical hatred of the man who they think removed their toys from the pram. On this showing, they won’t be getting out of the pram any time soon either. And I see from your link Rev, he really is Lamont’s media adviser, what is he, 12 years old? Says much about her judgment…
Torcuil Crichton’s politics column is one big practical joke – would you expect anything less from the spitting image of Jeremy Beadle?
I think it means “I am paid to write but I have nothing to say but nevertheless I will say it.”
When infants learn to speak they go through the “babbling stage” – it is cute and useful because it means they are on their way to learning to express themselves verbally. Tragically, as is the case with all developmental processes, the person can get stuck and fail to develop and be trapped forever at an “age inappropriate” level. Thus, if the babbling fails to develop into coherence something pathological is at work. Treatment is called for.
The real mystery is not “what is he saying?” but “who is idiot enough to pay him for this babbling?”
Mickelson didn’t seem to mind.
This week Lefty partnered First Minister Alex Salmond in the pro-am at Castle Stuart prior to the first round of the Scottish Open.
And he was pretty impressed by Wee Eck’s game.
Mickleson admitted: “What’s cool is that, as a politician, he’s an excellent golfer.
“He knows how to swing, he’s got good clubhead speed and a good touch around the greens.
“You can tell that he’s played a lot of golf over the years and I always have respect for that.”
Mickelson revealed that the pair also talked politics ahead of next year’s independence referendum.
The American, 43, said: “We had a great conversation throughout the day, He’s got an outgoing personality and he’s easy to be around.
“We had a great chat about golf and about politics — and I loved hearing his thoughts.”
Right. I think we can now firmly conclude the Tories are angling for a Yes vote.
http://www.heraldscotland.com/politics/referendum-news/coalition-claims-it-has-won-battle-for-no-vote-in-referendum.21607716
Coalition claims it has won battle for No vote in referendum
Possibly this:
Symptoms of Paranoid Personality Disorder
“A characteristic feature of Paranoid Personality Disorder is that the person with the condition is sure of the unreliability and dishonesty of others, without any apparent reason to feel this way. Other qualities of someone with Paranoid Personality Disorder
Being unforgiving and holding grudges
Taking criticism poorly
Believing that they are always right
Having a poor self image”
Except it might be Group PPD from Labour and the Anti-Independence campaign.
I think the article is very clear.
If only we could sing better as a nation, then there would be no need for all this independence nonsense.
Has anyone heard Johann Lamont in The Mikado? Absolutely shocking performance.
As for wee Wullie Rennie singing for more in Oliver Twist, the less said the better.
The only saving grace was Ms Davidson singing ‘The eye of the tiger’, in the first Rocky film.
Third attempt to post this –
Welsh support for us in view of the unionist rubbish we have to read up here –
To the tune of “All through the Night” And you have to imagine it being sung by The Pontypridd Male Voice Choir.
Sleep my child and peace attend thee All Through the Shite
Wings o’er Scotland will defend thee All Through the Shite
Vote No Scotsman’s polls are creeping
Scary stories keep repeating
Rev Stu’s Indy watch he’s keeping All Through the Shite
“All Togethe Now” 🙂
From that Herald article about the Tories having won the referendum…
[Coalition] Sources predict the Yes vote could be boosted by those who want to register anger at the Conservative-Liberal Democrat Coalition or at Labour, which is leading the Better Together campaign.
Which translates as ‘Our private polling is showing support for No slipping and Yes rising’.
@Stuart Black
On both posts…… round of applause.
Basically mouthpieces with SFA to say or contribute. When they resort to just posting ad hominem attacks then they’ve lost all grounds to be taken seriously at anything. As for Torc, he’s always spoken in tongues. Personally I don’t know whether an interpreter would be of any help.
“From that Herald article about the Tories having won the referendum…
[Coalition] Sources predict the Yes vote could be boosted by those who want to register anger at the Conservative-Liberal Democrat Coalition or at Labour, which is leading the Better Together campaign.”
“Yes vote could be boosted by people voting against, er, all the parties representing the Union.”
WHAT A MYSTERY.
Of course Mickelson doesn’t mind, the Scottish goverment are paying him and his fellow golfers a handsome sum. Why on earth they don’t let Aberdeen Asset Management pick up the entire bill is beyond me.
“Can anyone translate the piece into sane for us?”
Things are getting strange, I’m starting to worry
This could be a case for Mulder and Scully
Torcuil: *sniff*
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_Glue_(song)
@Stuart Black – Martin passed on your greetings when he was in our Aberdeen office last week, by the way!
It’s a small world…
@Macart: Thank you <bows> 🙂
But seriously, that tweet, it’s beyond childish. How can these people hope to be seen as credible? I’d slap my daughter if she posted something as stupid, well, no I wouldn’t, she’s a 22 year old kick boxer… 😉
Ah Doug, so you are you (if you know what I mean!). Yes, I had a chat with Martin about you a few weeks back, he wasn’t sure if you were you, I blame his recreational habits.
A small world indeed, and keep up the
sterlinggood work…Ah, the word sterling was supposed to have a strikethrough in it in the last post, I see it hasn’t appeared, rather ruining my pathetic attempt at a little joke, ho-hum…
Certain unionist reporters are beginning to show the classic signs of negative fatigue syndrome.
S_S,
if the tories have persuaded themselves that all is really well, they have won the arguments already, and only angry protesters have boosted the yes vote, then they had better hurry and get their very own, Comical Ali back on screen to reassure everyone. Mr Darling, are you ready? More futile effort required!
Paul Sinclair must’ve been asleep in the 90’s while Tony Blair whored himself around every successful British sportsman he could find.
I don’t know when a British PM was last photographed with an Open champion, or indeed when a PM last attended an Open championship, but here is a photo of the Irish PM with Irish Open winner Paul Casey taken a whole 15 days ago.
http://sports.yahoo.com/golf/gallery/im:urn:newsml:sports.yahoo,lego:19780928:top,photo,b9e8b304-6c3d-3bd3-bc2d-b920f701790c-l:1
Alex Salmond likes golf, and he likes flying the Saltire at sporting events involving Scottish people. This gets up the noses of Unionists, but I can’t think why.
Here is an image which puts AS in the best of company on both counts!
http://www.molespace.co.uk/oldgolfimages2/picpage.php?picid=279
@Stuart Black … strikethroughs haven’t worked in while now. I’ve been caught out a couple of times.
Torcuil lives and breathes for the opportunity of gracing the dark wood halls and chambers of Westminster – he is mightily impressed by all the post-imperial glaze that echoes along the corridors of power. He genuinely believes his contact with the BritNat politicians benefits them, himself and his wider audience.
In short, he’s delusional and there’s no sign of a cure coming.
I afraid these comments by Sinclair are indicative of many Scottish Unionists’ world view. In its simplified version it believes SNP=bad/beyond the pale, the Saltire flag=bad, Alex Salmond=beyond the pale, other independence supporters=bad.
All are to be dismissed as “bravehearts”, while ongoing rule from the Tories presumably is=good, nuclear weapons only miles from Scotland’s biggest city=good, punching above our weight, which is really code for launching wars, and invading less powerful states=good, existing on a block grant with very little taxation powers=good.
@Stuart Black
22yr old kickboxer? Jeez mine’s a 14yr old version, same hobby.
Anyhoo, no politician, no commentator, no advisor could be taken seriously on displays like that. How many times recently have we seen accounts swiftly closed after careless comments by people whose job is supposedly crafted communication and hopefully to some degree at least, a working knowledge of diplomacy. Still, I suppose it does let the general public see just how others really regard their opposition behind all the official double speak.
Paul Sinclair (or Labour in general) has never really got to grips with a non-Labour FM has he? I truly believe when Labour was in power in both Scotland and Westminster, they were going to be in office for at least 40 years. Not only have they been in denial in Scotland but has a whole they could never face up to their own failings. New Nu Labour don’t do looking in the mirror. The Scottish and English electorates now look for alternatives and Labour have been left at the bus stop looking tired and fractured. Scotland won’t move away from the SNP in the meantime and UKIP will probably edge out the Lib Dems in England. The only way Labour are going to win the next GE is a scenario where UKIP take many Tory votes but leave two weakened parties. I don’t think Labour will improve on their vote share from 2010. But then all this will be pretty much irrelevant if the right result comes about in September 2014.
VOTE YES for a fair, progressive and successful Scotland
@Macart: Oh indeed, it gets me angry but I also recognise the damage they are doing to their own cause, which is why I think it should be highlighted as much as possible.
It does concern me that people in these positions are so bigoted and crass though.
Oh, and she’s a sniper too! Recently took up shooting, scares the hell out of me. 😉
Can anyone translate the piece into sane for us?
The reporter’s saying that you don’t need to be independent to sing better you just have to get on with it.
This ties in with the idea coming mainly from Labour that Scotland doesn’t need independence to be successful because it already has all the powers it needs in the Scotland Act.
It would all be hunky-dory and wonderful in Scotland if the dastardly SNP would stop banging on about independence and use the powers of devolution properly which is what a Labour Government in Scotland would do.
@Stuart Black – well, Martin’s recreational habits are certainly legendary here, although it probably doesn’t help that he’s only been in the Aberdeen office a couple of times in the two years I’ve been here!
Can anyone remember when Johann Lamont was last seen in public?
@Doug Daniel: They are legendary here in Kazakhstan too. Probably a good thing that he only visits the office occasionally, I better not say any more, as I know he’s monitoring this, through some sort of a haze, I imagine.
Hi Martin!
“Ah, the word sterling was supposed to have a strikethrough in it in the last post, I see it hasn’t appeared”
Are you BLIND, man?
🙂
So that is the Paul Sinclair that writes all of Lamont’s instructions – explains a lot!
Can anyone remember when Johann Lamont was last seen in public?
I see that Sinclair used to be The Daily Record Political Editor prior to being Gordon Browns ‘special advisor’. He briefed the press on Scottish issues (should that not be North British issues?)
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/scotland/2778001/Gordon-Browns-advisor-Paul-Sinclair-resigns.html
O/T Guardian running poll to see if you can tell the difference between real & parody IDS:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/quiz/2013/jul/15/iain-duncan-smith-twitter-fake-quiz-ids
…I certainly couldn’t
The reporter’s saying that you don’t need to be independent to sing better you just have to get on with it.
But singing is a reserved matter!
@Stuart Black
Whatever you do, if she wants a kitten or a new motor, get her one. 😀
On topic – We are all entitled to our own private opinions, of course we are. But when you’re in the public eye and an advocate either for an opposing view or even supposedly objective commentary, hopefully you accord your opposition/subject some respect. Apparently not in the arena of Scottish politics. At least Twitter and Facebook have served to highlight the issue. Though not a fan, I can see the benefits.
Paul Sinclair, eh? Now I know who is partly responsible for Johann Lamont’s inadequacy and lack of presence.
When she (Lamont) came to our town during the campaign for the last elections it was the biggest non-event of the year. The only people who seemed to get excited about her presence were those Labour drones who were standing for election. Such was the (non-) interest in her visit that her entourage outnumbered the public 2 to 1. Contrast this with the visit of Salmond the week before. The town was buzzing with the news of his intended visit, and, on the day, people were clamouring to meet him.
If I was Johann Lamont, I’d be thinking hard; is Mr Sinclair worth his salt? I’m no spin doctor, but I reckon I could give her better advice than what she’s getting now.
Is Lamont perhaps a cyborg and not a very good one at that.
From the very excellent Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- “We Call Upon the Author to Explain” (Lyrics)
Warning contains many swear words!
“the SNP’s ‘Bannockburn’ history of English oppression”
Crom’s devils.
I just had another wee look /listen to “We call upon the author to explain” linked to in my above post. It fits this article almost perfectly. It even contains the line. “the Hemming-way / weirdly on wings & with maximum pain!!!! We call upon the author to explain”
O/T Lamont about to resign or move over
O/T Lamont about to resign or move over
Whit?
@Ericmac
Source?
Nearly fell off my chair when I read that Jim Crawford an independent councillor for Inverness has lodged a formal complaint to the Commissioner for Ethical Standards in Public Life complaining about Alex Salmond waving the Saltire at Wimbledon..(Source Daily Record)..Crawford said “He (Alex Salmond) embarrassed himself”…this would be funny if it wasnt so pathetic.
@Taranich
Glad to see you remembered to use his name as a curse. 😉
@Ericmac
Say whut?
If that rumour is true, it does not fit in with the idea that No are winning or it means that even she is about to GTF from Milliband and has been told to do so by her Shop Steward.
Anybody know the source?
“would be funny if it wasnt so pathetic.”
Nah, it’s still funny despite being so pathetic.
Don’t have Sky but heard Scottish Open Golf winner Phil Mickelson paying a warm compliment to Alex Salmond when speaking to press after his win.
That’s what upset the Unionist cringers and rather than report the American’s praise for our First Minister they would rather attack Alex Salmond who still has a plus approval rating despite a 12 month concerted Project Alex campaign from the NO Scotland campaigners.
C’mon Ericmac, you can’t drop a bombshell like that and then disappear, what is the source?
Jim Crawford’s really a right wing tory in disguise. Nice guy, crazy politics.
“C’mon Ericmac, you can’t drop a bombshell like that and then disappear, what is the source?”
Can’t see any chance of it. Who on Earth would replace her?
Can’t see any chance of it. Who on Earth would replace her?
Anabel Goldie’s fairly competent.
@Rev Stu
Nah, it’s still funny despite being so pathetic.
On Guardian Cif there is a poster who is insisting that Scotland is not a nation. Apparently we are the equivalent to Texas and Queensland? Today must be some day for bizarre Unionist pronouncements. If this is them winning, I hate to think what they will be like if start to lose significant support to Yes (fingers crossed)?
@Vambomarbleye
Lamont would make a better sideboard than a cyborg.
Who on Earth would replace her?
As the only qualification seems to be to say nothing even when you’re speaking, there are plenty who already have both the skills and their own uniform.
Me, but even I could do a better job than her and her entire front bench.
I am only a confused panda and she is totally lost and confused.
I hear Lamont is indeed going to resign. Her replacement is Ruth Davidson. There’s hardly any difference between the two parties anyway and it’s expected no-one will notice for a while. A trial run, completed when both party leaders wore the same outfit to FMQs and no-one could tell them apart, was deemed a success and the project moves on to phase two where the parties will be merged into one new party called the Conours. This will be pronounced Connors in an atempt to cash in on the popularity of Tennis player Jimmy, who has won wimbledon twice and is therefore infinately better than that Scottish guy who is acttually British unless he starts losing again.
Maybe Sally Magnusson or Jackie Bird might find it in their Labour heart to throw their names into the bowler hat to see who becomes the Mrs (or Mr) David Cameron lapdog Labour Jock in the pinky-red jaikit?
http://wingsoverscotland.com/one-nation-under-a-jaikit/#more-36954
And thus the circle is complete.
from todays metro
Standards commisioner Allan Stuart will investigate a complaint about Alex Salmond waving the Saltire at Wilbedon last sunday,
Independent councellor Jim Crawford from Inverness hopes Mr Salmond will be cencored after waving the flag when Andy Murray clinched victory, he said “it was disgraceful”. I hope the complaint is upheld, That is what he needs _a slap on the wrist. An adviser for the first minister said “this is a party pooper attitude”,
so stand up Jim Crawford and accept the accolade of the most sleekit disgusting excuse for a Scotsman the ever was, the cringe lives on people, George cunningham reincarnate
Here is a comment for poor old Terry Kelly in the Herald:
‘If the No camp wins which looks extremely likely it will be an event to celebrate because it will mean that Scotland has been saved from becoming a laughing stock and a backwater with a third world economy.’
than that Scottish guy who is actually British
http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/home-news/andy-murray-gets-ready-to-serve-up-hospitality-at-his-luxury-hotel.1373890396
Andy Murray gets ready to serve up hospitality at his luxury hotel
The British number one bought Cromlix House Hotel, close to his home town of Dunblane in February.
It will feature 10 luxury bedrooms and five suites named after great Scots from the past and present, as well as a restaurant overseen by renowned chef Albert Roux.
😉
Here is a comment for poor old Terry Kelly in the Herald:
‘If the No camp wins which looks extremely likely it will be an event to celebrate because it will mean that Scotland has been saved from becoming a laughing stock and a backwater with a third world economy.’
Muttley
There was also a comment regards Terry Kelly along the lines of “So, Terry, are you looking forward to speaking at next year`s Tory conference?”
I`m sure there are more than a few disillusioned ex Labour voters who have come to the conclusion that Terry Kelly is a fucking arsehole. Point and laugh and point and laugh.
@scottish_skier
So the Lamont suite will be the bijou annex (former shed) in the garden, right?
Also, what chance that Jackie Baillie is now in with a shout to inherit the ‘fushia jaikit o’ power’?
During the old Herald days when commenting was allowed and robust, Terry (Cooncilor) Kelly used the soubriquet of Baffled.
Never was a moniker so well honed.
He was disabused of his opinions hourly and well abused by all.
Ach Skier, naming the rooms after great Scots means nothing. It’s a tourist thing….names are often irrelevant. I hear Mr Campbell is an atheist, and some people even go as far as to say you’ve never even seen snow!
; )
Here in the US, the Scottish Open was on network TV. This, i believe was the first time that a regular European Tour event has been broadcast live on NBC. They love Phil here and it seems he has a great deal of respect for the FM. The images of him being congratulated at the trophy presentation have been on constant repeat on the Golf Channel.
It was a great shop window for Scotland and the tourism industry…. and there is another week this week. Cant wait to get up and watch on Thursday. Now if someone could just get the weather to hold off for another week 😉
I think its clear who’s the a@@e.
Bitter & twisted in the Nth degree.
… and since JoLa has about the worst public image of any Scottish “leader” ever (bar Wee Willie Rennie, perhaps), should Sinclair’s a**e be out the window?
Mark McDonald MSP for Aberdeen Donside tweeted:
https://twitter.com/markmcdsnp/status/356787386610491392
In his hatred of AS, Sinclair fails to recognise that the coverage of the Scottish Open on Sky tv was a giant advert for Scottish tourism.
Some of the adverts were paid for by Visit Scotland but the commentators were laying it on thick about the beauty of the country, backed up by the camera work showing the Moray Firth and the Black Isle.
Well done SG, Aberdeen Asset Thingy and SKY tv.
‘Can’t see any chance of it. Who on Earth would replace her?’
Rev, how about this new guy, Iain Gray? I hear he is a real rising star with a surprising amount of practical experience (In my opinion, a great addition to the shadow cabinet reshuffle as Ms Lamont’s new wing man).
I think they have the potential to make a fabulous leadership team, with perhaps his good looks and more outgoing, media friendly personality (not to mention International war zone experience) taking the lead, with Johann’s harder nosed approach used to greater effect, making the hard political yards in the smoke filled SLAB backrooms as his deputy maybe?
What do you think?
I fear that Johann Lamont’s time is all but up. Why do I say this?
We all know that Johann Lamont is the leader of all Scottish MPs and MSPs. We all know that she operates without any interference from Labour in London. Well, after terrible accusations(all inaccurate as she is the real leader) in the Sunday Herald about being a puppet of Unite etc , there can be only one logical explanation as to her continued silence. JOHANN LAMONT has been kidnapped by aliens!
The problem for Johann Lamont is the length of her silence.
Had she kept schtum for a few days until the dust settled about Unite etc then it would have looked bad but it would have soon blown over.
however the dust has already settled and she is still nowhere to be seen, which suggests that something is very wrong with her.
She was completely sidelined at the conference when she tried to make an announcement about income tax.
She ended up looking silly and a lot of questions were being asked about her authority in the press.
Now she has been made to look like a puppet. with people pulling her stings, who don’t care how stupid she looks when they do.
To be honest, I find it hard to have anything close to sympathy for Johann.
She is finding out that people who control her life, don’t care about her, so it lets her see how the rest of us feel.